Tweet
From Huffpost
The Truth About Being A Dad, According To 14 Really Funny Famous Guys
Print Article
“There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.’” -– Jim Gaffigan
2. On how simple dad-hood should be:
"Be a dad. Don't be 'Mom’s assistant.' That's depressing, just waiting for her to write you a list, walk around a store staring at it, calling her from the cereal aisle to make sure you got the right thing. Be a man. Make your own list. Fathers have skills that they never use at home. You run a landscaping business and you can’t dress and feed a 4-year-old? Take it on. Spend time with your kids and have your own ideas about what they need. It won’t take away your manhood; it will give it to you. I did that. I spent more time with my kids. And I found out that I’m a pretty bad father. I make a lot of mistakes and I don't know what I'm doing. But my kids love me. Go figure." --Louis C.K.
3. On bedtime:
"The bedtime routine for my kids is like this Royal Coronation Jubilee Centennial of rinsing and plaque and dental appliances and the stuffed animal semi-circle of emotional support. And I've gotta read eight different moron books. You know what my bedtime story was when I was a kid? Darkness!" -- Jerry Seinfeld
4. On potty time:
"A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company." -- Bill Cosby
5. The truth:
"When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children." -- Chris Rock
6. The truth truth...
“Having children is like living in a frat house -- nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.” -- Ray Romano
7. On why it's really beneficial to have kids:
"I learn things from my kids constantly. Most of their knowledge comes from Snapple caps." -- Jimmy Kimmel
8. On what you're really doing everyday:
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” –- Jon Stewart
9. On yelling:
"My daughter said, 'Why are you yelling at us?' and I said, 'I’m trying to discipline you!' And then she looked up at me with her tear-stained eyes and said, 'This is how you teach children, by making them cry.' And it was such a clenching reminder -- she won not only the argument, but she won life with that statement. I just burst out laughing, and I think they were so surprised that I burst out laughing, that they did too.” -- Stephen Colbert
10. On love, kind of:
"I really love my kids for about six minutes a day." --Michael Ian Black
11. On how to make kids laugh... if you're Paul Rudd:
“If I can walk around in my underwear and pull it up super high so it’s just gross looking and then try and be very serious with them. I like to do that … pretend to be very mad and have my underwear hiked up … really high.” -- Paul Rudd
12. On your new-found neuroses:
"I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day." -- Will Arnett
13. The bottom line:
"[Kids] are just like annoying short people." -- Hank Azaria
14. On the only thing you need to know:
"Having a kid is like falling in love for the first time when you're 12, but every day." --Mike Myers
The Truth About Being A Dad, According To 14 Really Funny Famous Guys
Print Article
“There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.’” -– Jim Gaffigan
2. On how simple dad-hood should be:
"Be a dad. Don't be 'Mom’s assistant.' That's depressing, just waiting for her to write you a list, walk around a store staring at it, calling her from the cereal aisle to make sure you got the right thing. Be a man. Make your own list. Fathers have skills that they never use at home. You run a landscaping business and you can’t dress and feed a 4-year-old? Take it on. Spend time with your kids and have your own ideas about what they need. It won’t take away your manhood; it will give it to you. I did that. I spent more time with my kids. And I found out that I’m a pretty bad father. I make a lot of mistakes and I don't know what I'm doing. But my kids love me. Go figure." --Louis C.K.
3. On bedtime:
"The bedtime routine for my kids is like this Royal Coronation Jubilee Centennial of rinsing and plaque and dental appliances and the stuffed animal semi-circle of emotional support. And I've gotta read eight different moron books. You know what my bedtime story was when I was a kid? Darkness!" -- Jerry Seinfeld
4. On potty time:
"A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company." -- Bill Cosby
5. The truth:
"When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children." -- Chris Rock
6. The truth truth...
“Having children is like living in a frat house -- nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.” -- Ray Romano
7. On why it's really beneficial to have kids:
"I learn things from my kids constantly. Most of their knowledge comes from Snapple caps." -- Jimmy Kimmel
8. On what you're really doing everyday:
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” –- Jon Stewart
9. On yelling:
"My daughter said, 'Why are you yelling at us?' and I said, 'I’m trying to discipline you!' And then she looked up at me with her tear-stained eyes and said, 'This is how you teach children, by making them cry.' And it was such a clenching reminder -- she won not only the argument, but she won life with that statement. I just burst out laughing, and I think they were so surprised that I burst out laughing, that they did too.” -- Stephen Colbert
10. On love, kind of:
"I really love my kids for about six minutes a day." --Michael Ian Black
11. On how to make kids laugh... if you're Paul Rudd:
“If I can walk around in my underwear and pull it up super high so it’s just gross looking and then try and be very serious with them. I like to do that … pretend to be very mad and have my underwear hiked up … really high.” -- Paul Rudd
12. On your new-found neuroses:
"I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day." -- Will Arnett
13. The bottom line:
"[Kids] are just like annoying short people." -- Hank Azaria
14. On the only thing you need to know:
"Having a kid is like falling in love for the first time when you're 12, but every day." --Mike Myers
