A nice bible story..

[neutral]

Now children are you all sitting comfortable,then I may begin.

Once upon a time there was a man called LOT,and he lived in a city called soddom,now lot was a really decent kind of chap,one night god sent two male angels to tell lot to flee the city because he god was about to destroy soddom with fire and brimstones and do a bit of mass murder on the population, because the people of soddom were wicked and evil and got up to some pretty immoral stuff and god was a bit cheesed off with them.

When the men of the city heard that there were two guys in lot`s crib they quickly got themselves around there and surrounded the crib,they started to shout at lot to send out the men because they wanted to have sex with them.
Lot wasnt too happy at sending his two male guests outside to be ganged rape and sodomised by a bunch of evil sex starved crazy men,.......so he offered his two virgin daughters instead,he shouted out to the men,"I have two daughters in here,both virgins,I will bring them out to you,do as you please with them,have your wicked ways with them,but just leave my male guests alone they are under my protection."
On hearing this the angels thought,we`d better do something,so they both clicked their fingers and made all the men blind,they then told lot to leave the house immediately with his wife and two daughters and as many animals as he could carry....



To be continued.

[neutral]

Re: A nice bible story..

Ok,....so lot and his wife and two daughters and a number of goats and various chickens and a couple pigs are hot footin it up the hill to get as far away as possible from the mass murder and carnage god is about to unfold on soddom.

Suddenly there is a {EDIT} load of noise going off behind them,brimstones falling,fireballs raining down on villages with men women and children,babies screaming,shock and awe had come to soddom,.....lot`s wife turned around to look back at the city she had known all her life,to take one last look,all those people she knew,friends,family,associates,she was overcome with grief at the sound of death and devastaation being wreaked by the holy one,......but suddenly as she turned her head away in grief...Blam !!!...in her place was a pillar of salt,...the holy one wasnt at all pleased that lot`s wife had comitted the relatively mild offence of looking over her shoulder...[EDIT] he thought,that will teach you not to look over your shoulder when I`m killing people.

To be continued...

[Emperah]

Re: A nice bible story..

soun like yuh guh church tuh deh

[rudemonk]

Re: A nice bible story..

personally I can't wait to read this in the patwa translation I know you are working on.

[neutral]

Re: A nice bible story..

Silent river....if you HAVE to edit my things then do so ,I have no problem with moderators editing,but you dont have to point out to me that the board is G-rated,or to "keep it clean",in a manner that suggests that I wasnt,the word I used that you edited is a word that is used in everyday language,maybe not by halo wearing bible thumpers,but nonetheless a pretty harmless word,the members of the board arent kids.

[neutral]

Re: A nice bible story..

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: monk</div><div class="ubbcode-body">personally I can't wait to read this in the patwa translation I know you are working on. </div></div>

Lol !,,,it would be pretty funny in patwah,......and the bredren dem pack up roun a lots house an start shout an gwaan bad,..&quot;YO bredren sen out de two youts no man,..a waan drop wood unda dem baxide&quot;.

And lot said,...&quot;No man,mi cyaan do dat man,yu no si seh a de don sen dem,...mi have couple dawtah een yah,mi aggo sen dem out fe unnu,de two a dem tight like needle eye cos dem no get drop yet,.....chow some wood undah dem fimme&quot;.

[Seveen]

Re: A nice bible story..

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Natral</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: monk</div><div class="ubbcode-body">personally I can't wait to read this in the patwa translation I know you are working on. </div></div>

Lol !,,,it would be pretty funny in patwah,......and the bredren dem pack up roun a lots house an start shout an gwaan bad,..&quot;YO bredren sen out de two youts no man,..a waan drop wood unda dem baxide&quot;.

And lot said,...&quot;No man,mi cyaan do dat man,yu no si seh a de don sen dem,...mi have couple dawtah een yah,mi aggo sen dem out fe unnu,de two a dem tight like needle eye cos dem no get drop yet,.....chow some wood undah dem fimme&quot;. </div></div>

it'll be a best seller

[Mutty]

Re: A nice bible story..

The great board member, heretic, is master of writing out a biblical story in patois. I'll find one to post.

[rudemonk]

Re: A nice bible story..

the heretic editions were classic!

natral turns a nice translation, i'm crying...we'll have to set up a concordance now.

King Heretic Version longside King Natral Version.

[neutral]

Re: A nice bible story..

So the story goes,......after god flattened the city with his shock and awe of brimstone and fire,lot and his two daughters headed for the hills where they settled in a cave.

after a while the two daughters,starved of male company,started feeling horny.
One night as lot was sleeping in his part of the cave the elder daughter said to the younger one,
&quot;Bwoy sis,mi no know bout you,but mi horny bad bad,mi need a man fe come stab up de meat,look how long wi deh up yah an
all now wi no sight one deggy deggy man,a juss daddy one deh yah an mi want a buddy, mi cherry ripe now,a time fe it get pick.

Later on during the evening the two sisters decide to get lot drunk and have their wicked way with him,so while they
are having dinner the older sister ply him with wine.
As lot lay down in a drunken stupor the elder sister crept in his part of the cave and got into his bed,
Lot didnt seem to know when the daughter arrived in the bed,or when she left,however,lit seems lot wasnt too
drunk to manage an erection and impregnate his daughter...(the dirty barsteward)
The next night the younger daughter decide that it was her turn to tek buddy,
Sis,she said,bwoy yu know seh mi wouldn mind sample a piece a de ole man buddy to,
Gwaan man,the older daughter encourage her,mi aggo geem likkle wine wid him dinnah tenite,
when him a sleep juss jump pon de sitt`n an ride him,.....
Little later in the night Lot is lying on his bed when the younger daughter jumps into bed,soon lot
is lying on his back with a very proud erection,once again lot didnt seem to know when the daughter arrived in his bed,or when she left,but in between he managed
an erection and impregnated his own daughter,...which only proves that if lot was gods idea of a good man,then either god needed
his head examined,...or he was just as bad as lot.