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Should a daughter give up everything to care for the parents she thinks failed HER as a child? The dilemma faced by one woman when her ageing mother and father became frail and ill
When Carol Lee's parents Joan and Vic became ill she faced a dilemma over whether she should abandon her career to care for them
She still felt resentment for the loneliness she had felt as a child
Carol lived with her grandparents when her parents were working in Africa
My father's voice was low, urgent. ‘Get the police to come and take me away. They’re trying to kill me,’ he said, his eyes scanning the hospital corridor to check we weren’t overheard.
Dad looked frail in his familiar brown plaid dressing gown, but his tone was authoritative, a throwback to his years as an instructor with the RAF and, before that, with Bomber Command flying Lancasters during the war. ‘This is serious. There’s no time to waste,’ he told me.
I was with my parents in South Wales, arriving after phoning my mother from my home in North London and discovering Dad was ill. ‘Mum, what’s wrong with him?’ I’d asked.
My mother’s voice was hesitant: ‘I’m not sure. Pleurisy, I think.’
‘I’ll be down,’ I said, my heart racing as I began to pack.
And so I faced the dilemma of so many single women when ageing parents grow frail and ill: should we abandon our busy lives, careers and independence to care for them? Or face universal disapprobation if we fail in our duty?
With my parents, the problem was an intractable one. I cannot say I did not love them, but I blamed them for the loneliness and misery I’d felt as a child. My father’s job as an engineer had taken him and my mother across the world, and during many of my formative childhood years they had judged it better for me if I wasn’t with them.
So having abandoned me, should I feel guilty if I failed to move in and look after them? How much care did I actually owe them?
oonnoo goo read da rest
When Carol Lee's parents Joan and Vic became ill she faced a dilemma over whether she should abandon her career to care for them
She still felt resentment for the loneliness she had felt as a child
Carol lived with her grandparents when her parents were working in Africa
My father's voice was low, urgent. ‘Get the police to come and take me away. They’re trying to kill me,’ he said, his eyes scanning the hospital corridor to check we weren’t overheard.
Dad looked frail in his familiar brown plaid dressing gown, but his tone was authoritative, a throwback to his years as an instructor with the RAF and, before that, with Bomber Command flying Lancasters during the war. ‘This is serious. There’s no time to waste,’ he told me.
I was with my parents in South Wales, arriving after phoning my mother from my home in North London and discovering Dad was ill. ‘Mum, what’s wrong with him?’ I’d asked.
My mother’s voice was hesitant: ‘I’m not sure. Pleurisy, I think.’
‘I’ll be down,’ I said, my heart racing as I began to pack.
And so I faced the dilemma of so many single women when ageing parents grow frail and ill: should we abandon our busy lives, careers and independence to care for them? Or face universal disapprobation if we fail in our duty?
With my parents, the problem was an intractable one. I cannot say I did not love them, but I blamed them for the loneliness and misery I’d felt as a child. My father’s job as an engineer had taken him and my mother across the world, and during many of my formative childhood years they had judged it better for me if I wasn’t with them.
So having abandoned me, should I feel guilty if I failed to move in and look after them? How much care did I actually owe them?
oonnoo goo read da rest
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