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...I miss grandma are the words of our 4 YO. When the kids want to see her and we call to plan a visit she says it's not a good time. Grandma is very 'standoffish' with mommy and daddy however we try to keep her in the kids life, which is a challenge. Grandma also complains that our kids are too hyper/misbehave (they are very active toddlers). We are in <span style="font-weight: bold">dire</span> need of childcare and she is very reluctant to help out. She once told us that she has things to do and if they came over she would have to hire a babysitter to watch them. Once when my husband broke his arm and I needed help with the kids..she said no. One mintue grandma is okay with seeing them (her schedule is open/nothing planned). Then there are times when granda make excuses (very obvious) or don't return calls. The most recent event is Thanksgiving when we did not hear from her and later found out that she went out of state. She visited relatives that we were also planning to see. This secret trip was an indication that she did not want us there (when she is there). This 'pull/push' has been going on for years and is getting VERY tired. . These are her <span style="font-weight: bold">ONLY </span>grandchildren (biological) She goes to church every sunday and sings on the choir. Is it cruel to just cut her off. Or speak with the pastor of her church for an 'intervention' of some sort.
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Re: I Miss Grandma
Junyplum please forgive me if this sounds harsh and keep in mind that I don't have kids.
could Granma be feeling used? and trying to establish boundries? meaning do you just drop off your over active toddlers with granny like she's a daycare? or do you go over and bring the kids and you ALL spend quality time with Grandma?
I know when my niece and nephew were younger because I was working 3rd shift a couple times I offered to drop them off at school in the mornings and then it just kinda became EXPECTED by my bro and his wife that each morning I would stop by on my way home from work and take their kids to school
and then have the NERVE to be "put out" when mi seh mi can't do it one a certain day because of what ever reason
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Re: I Miss Grandma
Oh no!! We do not live close to her so visits are planned ahead of time and it's only been twice when I was not present for the entire visit. I wouldn't do that to her or anyone else. Even if that was the intention We NEVER go the chance. I would not need all my fingers to count the nubmer of times we visited which included when I was pregnant with my first child.Comment
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Re: I Miss Grandma
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: junyplum</div><div class="ubbcode-body">...I miss grandma are the words of our 4 YO. When the kids want to see her and we call to plan a visit she says it's not a good time. Grandma is very 'standoffish' with mommy and daddy however we try to keep her in the kids life, which is a challenge. Grandma also complains that our kids are too hyper/misbehave (they are very active toddlers). We are in <span style="font-weight: bold">dire</span> need of childcare and she is very reluctant to help out. She once told us that she has things to do and if they came over she would have to hire a babysitter to watch them. Once when my husband broke his arm and I needed help with the kids..she said no. One mintue grandma is okay with seeing them (her schedule is open/nothing planned). Then there are times when granda make excuses (very obvious) or don't return calls. The most recent event is Thanksgiving when we did not hear from her and later found out that she went out of state. She visited relatives that we were also planning to see. This secret trip was an indication that she did not want us there (when she is there). This 'pull/push' has been going on for years and is getting VERY tired. . These are her <span style="font-weight: bold">ONLY </span>grandchildren (biological) She goes to church every sunday and sings on the choir. Is it cruel to just cut her off. Or speak with the pastor of her church for an 'intervention' of some sort. </div></div>
it's odd that u want to force her to become something she clearly doesn't want to be.Comment
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Re: I Miss Grandma
Mgee it's not ODD to want your child to have a relationship with their grandparents. It's not odd at all...a child can never get enough love. What's odd is <span style="font-weight: bold">her</span> reluctance to be a grandparent.Comment
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Re: I Miss Grandma
i didn't say it was odd to want your child to have a relationship with their grandma.
i said it was odd u want to force the woman to become "grandmotherly" when she has sent u very clear signs that she's not interested in being that way. yet u want to even talk to her pastor about it to see if he can do anything.Comment
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Re: I Miss Grandma
was she the same way as a mother june plum?
eta : I don't think you need to cut her off. Just let Grandma initiate visits in the future.Comment
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Re: I Miss Grandma
maybe shi juss feel too old an frail to have toddlers a hackle har up
maybe shi feel too young an fresh to have grandkids
star mi noh know yaaah
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Re: I Miss Grandma
I am not "forcing' her to be a grandmother/grandmotherly. We have never imposed on her. She is 'grandmotherly' towards them ...when <span style="font-weight: bold">she wants to be</span>. Speaking with the pastor or any 'impartial figure' may help the situation in mending the family drama. The way things are now.... is not good for the kids. Had it been a friend or cousin it would not matter but she is their <span style="font-weight: bold">grandmother</span> who they adore.Comment
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Re: I Miss Grandma
so maybe just let her be grandmotherly when she wants to be.Comment
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Re: I Miss Grandma
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: junyplum</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I am not "forcing' her to be a grandmother/grandmotherly. We have never imposed on her. She is 'grandmotherly' towards them ...when <span style="font-weight: bold">she wants to be</span>. Speaking with the pastor or any 'impartial figure' may help the situation in mending the family drama. The way things are now.... is not good for the kids. </div></div>
wait deh...there is additional family drama? aside from the granma grand kids relationship? if that is the case then juss low it man.Comment
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Re: I Miss Grandma
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: junyplum</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> We have never imposed on her. She is 'grandmotherly' towards them ...when <span style="font-weight: bold">she wants to be</span>. </div></div>
arite, i don't want to harass u. but what u say right here seems to me very straightforward. u say u don't impose on her, she lets u know exactly when she wants to be with them. so what is the issue? it looked to me that u are not satisfied with this and that u want her to do more than what she is prepared to do, hence the thing about forcing her.
u need her more than she needs u, and that is the source of the drama, i'd say.
anyhoo, i don't want to seem any more unsympathetic, so let me stop yahso. peace.Comment
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Re: I Miss Grandma
ok you guys dont live close by so I am guessing you dont go to the same church.
why the need to get pastor involved in her life like some kind of intervention ? she is an adult, leave pastor out of it.
if my kids did that to me I might box dem dung.
keep asking her over for visits and ask her if she wants a webcam to set up visits, and if that doesn't work, then call it a day.
either something happened along the way for her to be acting like this or something got lost in translation along the way.Comment
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Re: I Miss Grandma
personally i would stop asking her over for visits.
mek she visit or call the kids when she want to.Comment
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Re: I Miss Grandma
unnu membah golden girls ?
dem older people today very active and have them own life to live enuh, dem nuh really want nubaddy dictate anyting to dem too too tough.Comment
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