I Miss Grandma

[Gen]

Re: I Miss Grandma

well yuh know how some people stay, if yuh stop ask dem, dem tink yuh bex wid dem

mi would ask every couple mths or just remind her that the door is always open anytime


juneplum just hook up the webcam and done yah, grandma have have bashment dem fi deal wid

[junyplum]

Re: I Miss Grandma

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MGee</div><div class="ubbcode-body">[quote=junyplum] We have never imposed on her. She

u need her more than she needs u, and that is the source of the drama, i'd say.

anyhoo, i don't want to seem any more unsympathetic, so let me stop yahso. peace.

</div></div>

Yes Mr JP and I <span style="font-weight: bold">AND </span>our kids <span style="font-weight: bold">need her more than she needs us </span>AND there is <span style="text-decoration: underline">NO SHAME</span> in that. Most of us working parents need Grandmas

[julie*mango]

Re: I Miss Grandma

is this your mom or mr JP's mom?

[CeaBee]

Re: I Miss Grandma

well i think Grandma telling you that she not willing or able to pitch in. Just try to plan accordingly.

cutting her off isn't going to accomplish anything imo.

[mountaingal]

Re: I Miss Grandma

i think junyplum needs to let go of the expectation that the grandma <span style="font-weight: bold">ought to</span> help them with childcare. until junyplum accepts that grandma is within her rights to refuse being a babyitter in order to help out, then there will always be drama, resentment and hurt.

[julie*mango]

Re: I Miss Grandma

juny...here's my take...the lady doesn't want the responsibility. I have a similar situation like that except that even though in the beginning stages I needed help to watch the kids...in the end I had no desire whatsoever to send my kids over there. The one day that their grandmother watched them she claimed that she would rather watch a barrel of fleas than watch my younger one...that was the last time *I* have personally asked her to watch any of my kids.

From time to time when she does get lonely and none of her other grandchildren paying her any attention she will send for the older one but we made it clear that we are not separating them, so she will take both. Mussi one day mi was really really sick and their dad was away so mi beg her tek dem for the night and I went and got them as soon as I could the following day...then mi hear she pass remark bout mi nuh mek she get fi spend no length of time with them.

Anyway, all mi saying is that some grandmothers do not want the responsibility of caring for young grandchildren, particularly if it is a regular thing. Make her miss them and want to see them first before suggesting anything to her. She may not be the type of grandparent who loves having the grandkids around all the time. So be it. Instead of concentrating on the kind of grandparent she should be, concentrate on being your best YOU.

[kia027]

Re: I Miss Grandma

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Anyway, all mi saying is that some grandmothers do not want the responsibility of caring for young grandchildren, particularly if it is a regular thing. Make her miss them and want to see them first before suggesting anything to her. She may not be the type of grandparent who loves having the grandkids around all the time. So be it. Instead of concentrating on the kind of grandparent she should be, concentrate on being your best YOU.
_</div></div>

based on what has been said I would haveto say this is the best approach.

don't set up any expectations of her and you wont be disappointed. The kids may ask for their granny and you can call and have them speak to her but dont offer to have them visit.

[junyplum]

Re: I Miss Grandma

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: _____</div><div class="ubbcode-body">is this your mom or mr JP's mom? </div></div>

Grandma is <span style="font-weight: bold">my</span> mother and I am her <span style="font-weight: bold">only </span> child


Thank you all for taking the time to contribute your comments.

[mountaingal]

Re: I Miss Grandma

o dang. hush, jp. i can sense now why u hold some of those feelings. one of the most useful things a therapist ever told me was to let go my image of who i wanted my mother to be because she's not that way and would never be. it was a hard lesson to learn, but it was ultimately freeing, and enabled me to build a more productive relationship with my mother.

[kia027]

Re: I Miss Grandma

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MGee</div><div class="ubbcode-body">o dang. hush, jp. i can sense now why u hold some of those feelings. one of the most useful things a therapist ever told me was to let go my image of who i wanted my mother to be because she's not that way and would never be. it was a hard lesson to learn, but it was ultimately freeing, and enabled me to build a more productive relationship with my mother. </div></div>

ain't that the truth!!

[Nanook]

Re: I Miss Grandma

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: junyplum</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MGee</div><div class="ubbcode-body">[quote=junyplum] We have never imposed on her. She

u need her more than she needs u, and that is the source of the drama, i'd say.

anyhoo, i don't want to seem any more unsympathetic, so let me stop yahso. peace.

</div></div>

Yes Mr JP and I <span style="font-weight: bold">AND </span>our kids <span style="font-weight: bold">need her more than she needs us </span>AND there is <span style="text-decoration: underline">NO SHAME</span> in that. <span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="font-size: 20pt">Most of us working parents need Grandmas</span></span> </div></div>

When I read your first post my first thoughts were that you needed a babysitter. You stated as such when someone broke an arm. The children are your responsibility, not hers.

Maybe she feels backed into a corner so is trying to avoid drama.

If my grandkids were to come here I would have to hire a babysitter for I am far far too busy to deal with children under foot. The exception is visits where the whole family is present. I am no babysitting grandmother either and I do not feel one iota bad for it.

Sorry.

[junyplum]

Re: I Miss Grandma

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nanook</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> I am no babysitting grandmother either and I [do not feel one iota bad for it

Sorry. </div></div>

<span style="font-weight: bold">No Sorry FOR you 'grandma' </span>. I'm sorry that you are feeling so <span style="font-weight: bold">used</span> by your fam that you've confused your <span style="font-weight: bold">own 'stuff' </span>with the comments in my post. I am <span style="font-weight: bold">not looking </span>for a babysitter, my kids are in daycare. They are Mr JP &amp; I responsibility 100%!! If there is an emergency such as a parent getting hurt/hospital how is asking for help a crime. Your 'attitude' is one of the reasons why kids are being hurt/molested by strangers becasue 'family' members are so self absorbed in their own lives that they are unwilling to lend a helping hand...even if it involves an <span style="font-weight: bold">innocent child</span>. Shame. When you end up in the nursing home <span style="font-weight: bold">ALONE</span> ...don't ask why??

[kia027]

Re: I Miss Grandma

whooa juneplum - methinks you are projecting a bit no?

Nanook has a large property with animals that need her care so it would be hard for her to babysit as the property needs a lot of work daily.. unless the kids are older.

your children are toddler age. I know in my experience my mother and mother in law would babysit no more than 2 hrs at any given time because they needed that much time to recoup from the energy of young children.

We have hired babysitters to go to the grandparents home so it takes the stress of having to worry if the kids get into anything. The grandparents were happy about that as they could then focus their time on enjoying the kids.

What is the relationship between you and your mother like? Does she approve of your spouse? Could this be a factor in the relationship with the grandchildren?

[goldilocks]

Re: I Miss Grandma

As a single parent, I have informed my children since the age of 5 or 6 that I was not intending to be a &quot;daycare&quot; grandma. I see way too many of my friends raising their grandkids (some just during the work week) and it's just not for me! I raised my children (and a few other people's), so I'm all set with that.

Plus, I'm still working full time. At this point my children are 23 and 19 and I'm ready to head for the hills! The thought of raising any more makes me . I'll take grandkids for visits but I want to be able to return them when I'm ready.

&quot;old and alone&quot;

[Nanook]

Re: I Miss Grandma

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: junyplum</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nanook</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> I am no babysitting grandmother either and I [do not feel one iota bad for it

Sorry. </div></div>

<span style="font-weight: bold">No Sorry FOR you 'grandma' </span>. I'm sorry that you are feeling so <span style="font-weight: bold">used</span> by your fam that you've confused your <span style="font-weight: bold">own 'stuff' </span>with the comments in my post. I am <span style="font-weight: bold">not looking </span>for a babysitter, my kids are in daycare. They are Mr JP &amp; I responsibility 100%!! If there is an emergency such as a parent getting hurt/hospital how is asking for help a crime. <span style="font-weight: bold">Your 'attitude' is one of the reasons why kids are being hurt/molested by strangers becasue 'family' members are so self absorbed in their own lives that they are unwilling to lend a helping hand...even if it involves an innocent child</span>. Shame. When you end up in the nursing home <span style="font-weight: bold">ALONE</span> ...don't ask why?? </div></div>

Excuse me?

you make me laugh....

My children were never molested. You are nutz.

Edit to add...

It is no small wonder why your relationship with your mother seems strained and she doesn't tell you things, like her plans. I would hide on you too with the attitude you're lugging around.