I Miss Grandma

**Nylah** · 12-03-2009, 06:49 PM

Re: I Miss Grandma

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nanook</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: junyplum</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nanook</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> I am no babysitting grandmother either and I [do not feel one iota bad for it

Sorry. </div></div>

<span style="font-weight: bold">No Sorry FOR you 'grandma' </span>. I'm sorry that you are feeling so <span style="font-weight: bold">used</span> by your fam that you've confused your <span style="font-weight: bold">own 'stuff' </span>with the comments in my post. I am <span style="font-weight: bold">not looking </span>for a babysitter, my kids are in daycare. They are Mr JP & I responsibility 100%!! If there is an emergency such as a parent getting hurt/hospital how is asking for help a crime. <span style="font-weight: bold">Your 'attitude' is one of the reasons why kids are being hurt/molested by strangers becasue 'family' members are so self absorbed in their own lives that they are unwilling to lend a helping hand...even if it involves an innocent child</span>. Shame. When you end up in the nursing home <span style="font-weight: bold">ALONE</span> ...don't ask why?? </div></div>

Excuse me?

you make me laugh....

My children were never molested. You are nutz.

Edit to add...

It is no small wonder why your relationship with your mother seems strained and she doesn't tell you things, like her plans. <span style="font-weight: bold">I would hide on you too with the attitude you're lugging around.</span> </div></div>

kinda why i would perfer to not have any only child. You have to expend a great deal of energy to change thier world view that the world begins and ends with them.....Some are successful and others are not obviously...

**junyplum** · 12-03-2009, 07:08 PM

Re: I Miss Grandma

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nanook</div><div class="ubbcode-body">[quote=junyplum][quote=Nanook] I am no babysitting grandmother either and I [do not feel one iota bad for it

Sorry. </div></div>

<span style="font-weight: bold">Moderator Note:</span>
JunyPlum please do not harass other board members for having expressing an opinion different to your expectations

**Nanook** · 12-03-2009, 07:24 PM

Re: I Miss Grandma

lemme say just one more thing to you angry young woman...

you said...

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Your<span style="font-weight: bold"> 'attitude' is one of the reasons why kids are being hurt/molested by stranger</span>s becasue 'family' members are so self absorbed in their own lives that they are unwilling to lend a helping hand.</div></div>

Then I said that my children were never molested, by strangers or otherwise. Incidentally, more children are molested by family members than by strangers.

Now go back to your anger. I have 2,000 degree hot molten glass to tend to and while little bits fly all over the place I'll be sure to be so glad I have no little ones that could get hit by it.

I wish people would grow up before they breed man.

**nattydreadgirl** · 12-03-2009, 07:24 PM

Re: I Miss Grandma

(((Juneplum)))

Dont cut her off! Give her time and I am sure the relationship will change as your children get older. If she is telling you that she cant handle them at least she is being honest, 4 year olds are a hand full as we all know, whether you are a parent or a grandparent.

From what I gathered from what you wrote, I dont think that you are trying to use her, however, you are expecting more from her then she is willing to give. Mcgee gave you sound advice... you have to quit expecting her to be the "type" of grandmother who you would like for her to be, but to accept her for the type of grandmother that she is.

If the 4 year old is saying that he misses her it sounds like that she has a good relationship with them, just that she doesnt spend much time with them and is not there to help out.

How about talking with her and tell her how you are feeling and maybe she can give you insight to how she feel about being a grandmother and what she feels like her role is.

**applepie** · 12-04-2009, 06:01 AM

Re: I Miss Grandma

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: nattydreadgirl</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

From what I gathered from what you wrote, I dont think that you are trying to use her, however, you are expecting more from her then she is willing to give. Mcgee gave you sound advice... you have to quit expecting her to be the "type" of grandmother who you would like for her to be, but to accept her for the type of grandmother that she is.

</div></div>

**Gen** · 12-04-2009, 12:24 PM

Re: I Miss Grandma

baxfoot \0/

**Gen** · 12-04-2009, 12:30 PM

Re: I Miss Grandma

how yuh jump from the 4 year old "missing grandma" to "child molestation" and dem tings deh.

Grandparents or any other family members are not obligated to "assist" with babysitting, heck they are not even obligated to spend time with their children and grandchildren.

You have to be careful about your attitude towards your Mother, you don't want the relationship she has with your children to be jeopardised becuase of whatever ill feelings you may or may not be harboring towards her.

Like mi seh, install a webcam so that the children can see her and talk to her regularly, this way even though they won't see her in real life as regularly, they will still see her and be able to talk to her.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: junyplum</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nanook</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> I am no babysitting grandmother either and I [do not feel one iota bad for it

Sorry. </div></div>

<span style="font-weight: bold">No Sorry FOR you 'grandma' </span>. I'm sorry that you are feeling so <span style="font-weight: bold">used</span> by your fam that you've confused your <span style="font-weight: bold">own 'stuff' </span>with the comments in my post. I am <span style="font-weight: bold">not looking </span>for a babysitter, my kids are in daycare. They are Mr JP & I responsibility 100%!! If there is an emergency such as a parent getting hurt/hospital how is asking for help a crime. Your 'attitude' is one of the reasons why kids are being hurt/molested by strangers becasue 'family' members are so self absorbed in their own lives that they are unwilling to lend a helping hand...even if it involves an <span style="font-weight: bold">innocent child</span>. Shame. When you end up in the nursing home <span style="font-weight: bold">ALONE</span> ...don't ask why?? </div></div>

**Gen** · 12-04-2009, 12:33 PM

Re: I Miss Grandma

nylah mi have one cousin like dat

if mi nuh see har a family gathering mi nuh chat to har.

and this is why mi mek sure my only child know seh is not she alone in this world, people a dead and a starve ovah suh so don't even try to get it twisted

**Nylah** · 12-04-2009, 01:45 PM

Re: I Miss Grandma

I hear you Gen

I see the difference in my friends that are conscious of this fact and the two that are not Their kids scare me.....

anyhow...the unfortunate thing about life is that no one is obligated to do anything for anyone. And not everyone has the same level of maternal instincts. The best thing is to accept the grandmother's wishes and make your life without her heavy involvement in it. Holding ill wishes towards her isnt gonna do a single thing. Nowadays, most ppl dont even live near their immediate family to have the additional help, so that argument cant hold too much water.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Gen</div><div class="ubbcode-body">nylah mi have one cousin like dat

if mi nuh see har a family gathering mi nuh chat to har.

and this is why mi mek sure my only child know seh is not she alone in this world, people a dead and a starve ovah suh so don't even try to get it twisted

</div></div>

**mountaingal** · 12-04-2009, 01:54 PM

Re: I Miss Grandma

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Gen</div><div class="ubbcode-body">You have to be careful about your attitude towards your Mother, you don't want the relationship she has with your children to be jeopardised becuase of whatever ill feelings you may or may not be harboring towards her.</div></div>

not only that, the relationship junyplum has with her own children may be affected by her feelings towards her own mother. cycles and all that. at least that's what the therapist told me.

nylah, somehow i think this story of "how grandma suppose to act" is more than just an issue of someone with a sense of entitlement because they were an only child. i have a feeling that being an "only child" wasn't necessarily a bed of roses for jp. unless i'm reading the clues wrong.

((junyplum))

**Nylah** · 12-04-2009, 02:02 PM

Re: I Miss Grandma

I dont want to right a thesis here but I still see all of that tied in together. And I say that based on her some of her reactions to what others have suggested....

either way, she is making herself miserable when she really shouldnt have to. I understand the want of having the child's grandmother involved in the child's life, especially since the child has expressed a longing for her grandma. Lord knows I'd wnat the same too.

But the reality is that her mom doesnt quite see it the same way as she does. Fighting her to change her feelings about spending time with the child will only cause further resentment, and probably push the grandma away.

She asked for it and received lots of good advice given in this thread as to how to handle the above.

**mountaingal** · 12-04-2009, 02:16 PM

Re: I Miss Grandma

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nylah</div><div class="ubbcode-body">either way, she is making herself miserable when she really shouldnt have to. </div></div>

ding ding ding. my question is this - why?

anyway, i'm not a psychologist nor do i play one (well, trying not to ). suffice to say i'm relating a lot to jp right now.

**Nylah** · 12-04-2009, 02:23 PM

Re: I Miss Grandma

i think we all can relate to the above statement. Everyone has their own mummy or daddy issues and we choose to make ourselves miserable - well we dont realize we are choosing to make ourselves miserable because we expect them to change their wrong ways, or acknowledge our hurt feelings for the mistakes they have made raising us...anyway no thesis on my part

what I am politely trying to say, is that the defensiveness isnt serving her in this thread or in her relationship with her mother. We do tend to have a sense of "entitlement" was children. Rightly so, otherwise ppl shouldnt breed. But the fact remains not everyone has good maternal instincts who give birth.....and if she releases the expectations she has of her mother they might both find a better way for all of them to have a good relationship....

**mountaingal** · 12-04-2009, 02:28 PM

Re: I Miss Grandma

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nylah</div><div class="ubbcode-body">if she releases the expectations she has of her mother they might both find a better way for all of them to have a good relationship.... </div></div>

some of us need more help than a bb thread. even just to acknowledge the fact that we need help.

**Nylah** · 12-04-2009, 02:28 PM

Re: I Miss Grandma

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MGee</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nylah</div><div class="ubbcode-body">if she releases the expectations she has of her mother they might both find a better way for all of them to have a good relationship.... </div></div>

some of us need more help than a bb thread. even just to acknowledge the fact that we need help. </div></div>

agreed.

I Miss Grandma

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