The story of the fatherless ... How do they cope?

[twiney]

Re: The story of the fatherless ... How do they cope?

Vannie your comment is based on a lot of assumptions... but I will take what is helpful from the responses and leave the rest ... it is not worth going into all the details ...And btw wasnt asking for sympathy for anybody in the situation so that wont be necessary.

[julie*mango]

Re: The story of the fatherless ... How do they cope?

one han caan clap...both at fault

[julie*mango]

Re: The story of the fatherless ... How do they cope?

horse done gone tru di gate

no use crying over spilt milk

[evanovitch]

Re: The story of the fatherless ... How do they cope?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Twiney</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Vannie your comment is based on a lot of assumptions... but I will take what is helpful from the responses and leave the rest ... it is not worth going into all the details ...And btw wasnt asking for sympathy for anybody in the situation so that wont be necessary. </div></div>

excuse di hell outta me...is wat...everybody deh pon cock wen it come to me...if it based on assumptions den wat wrong..mi no know di smaddy n dem story...mi juss a outlay how mi see if a one deh wid a man who dem a share...if u a look sympathy r not is not relevant in dis case..whe dat come from...mi mumah not to mention.baxide...is eida oonoo really simple rung yah an mi tek libatty fi tink seh oonoo a thinking people....mek mi bow an gwane bout mi way

[Yvonne N.]

Re: The story of the fatherless ... How do they cope?

Dr Sebastian Kraemer
Consultant Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist
Whittington Hospital
London N19 5NF

...<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">When the father is rarely or never seen, the child depends on his mother or other relatives to inform him. If a boy with no contact with his father hears from his mother only that he is a bad man (perhaps along with all other men) he will feel that he is descended from someone who not only could not stay at home to care for him but also would not, and therefore does not love him. This, though not necessarily wholly true, is painful and disturbing to the child’s self esteem (as much for a girl as for a boy). If the mother says good things about the absent father, that when they were together there were some good times, and that father loved his baby or his partner, or both, then the child has the chance of a good father in his mind. This requires brave and active mental work on the mother’s part. She may despise him, or feel nothing for him, but it is possible for a mother to make sense of her broken relationship with the father, much as parents can make sense of their own parents’ deficits. A bad father can still be understood, and not just rejected out of hand. The same applies to missing mothers. These are therapeutic tasks (Dowling and Gorell Barnes, 2000).

</div></div>



Excerpt from

<span style="font-style: italic">Sebastian Kraemer (2005) 'Narratives of Fathers and Sons: ‘there is no such thing as a father’ in (Eds) Arlene Vetere and Emilia Dowling, Narrative Therapies with children and their Families: A Practitioners Guide to Concepts and Approaches London, Brunner/Routledge. ISBN 1-58391-826-4 hb; 1-58391-827-2 pb </span>

[Bandana]

Re: The story of the fatherless ... How do they cope?

I have to say I have learned much in my 10 years on jam.com.

Sometimes my feathers have been ruffled because it is hard for anyone to admit that they could be wrong.

I am ALWAYS real with who I am, what I post, and how I feel...

I have looked at my son differently the past few nights when I read his bedtime story and we say his prayers...

It was my choice to get pregnant out of wedlock.
It was my choice to bring him into this world with a man who had a history of abandoning his children.
It was my naivety that had me believing when he said this time would be different...

I see where I could be in need of my son's forgiveness...


That said, I do the best with what I have.


I never speak ill of Imanni's father to him.
I make sure to tell him how much BOTH his mommy and daddy love him.
I have gone as far as to let the man sleep on my couch so that he could see his son.

I know this post was not about me, but it resonated with my life and my experience and so I took it personal.

Vannie, never stop giving your opinions, you never know who may be gaining a new perspective even if they are not admitting it.
We all have opportunity to learn and grow every day, if only we take that opportunity...


jam.com, things that make you go hmmmmmm....

[Bandana]

Re: The story of the fatherless ... How do they cope?

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[Marielle]

Re: The story of the fatherless ... How do they cope?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Gen</div><div class="ubbcode-body">is just consumed with the reality dat needah maddah nor faddah wanted her.</div></div>

This is so sad

But she has to realise God wanted her! Or she would not have been born....

This makes me think of the brilliant book by Robert Schwartz about how you chose your life in order to learn certain things, work out karma

<span style="font-style: italic">So often, when something &quot;bad&quot; happens, it may appear to be meaningless suffering. But what if your most difficult experiences are actually rich with hidden purpose-purpose that you yourself planned before you were born? Could it be that you chose your life's circumstances, relationships, and events? </span>

http://www.yoursoulsplan.com/

[ruski]

Re: The story of the fatherless ... How do they cope?

i see red flags all over this girls consumption of not being wanted by her father. i dont blame the mother as i dont know the circumstances,this girl needs serious counselling otherwise she will still be &quot;PROVING&quot; TO HER FATHER, long long into her adulthood and will never find happiness as she will always be consumed with this this proving thing.