how to not raise a leggo bease :-/

[FrenchTickla]

my dear friends who mi consider almost family visited fi di holiday weekend. we always stay a each odda yard but is di fuss di pickney dem gwaan so bad

- husband - american, jewish, mid 30s, will call him modda or me fi marital advice
- wife - israeli, late 30s, feel isolated from family and friends in israel and threaten fi leff him all di time and carry di pickney dem back to israel
- kid 1 - boy, 5 years old, my little bonafide, mi used to babysit and hang wid him nuff b4 mi move, will bawl out mi name when him see mi and jump in mi arms, showing some alarming (to me) behavior dese days
- kid 2 - boy, 2.5 yrs, never tek to me but now will talk to mi and tell mi him like me, pee pee cluck cluck backa him bredda as expected

so as much as mi love dese people when mi drop subtle hints bout dem parenting, mi nuh tink dem get it. mi is not married and mi nuh have pickney so even when dem ask mi opinion mi always juss seh enough but mi naw try get too far inna dem business.

but di pickney dem come a mi yard and terrorize mi and mi puss

so mi waan some tips from di parents dem as to what oonu do fi raise well-adjusted and well-behaved toddlers.

[kia027]

Re: how to not raise a leggo bease :-/

what are the behaviors in particular that bothered you? Hard to figure out how to help without this info

[CeaBee]

Re: how to not raise a leggo bease :-/

my family members had a child that used to come and terrorise my cats as well when he was 4-5 years old.

Fast forward how much years and him is well behaved, honor roll etc.

some boys (especially) just caan sit still for too long when them young.

and maybe them hear u but just brushing off the advice from the childless friend.

my mother same way used to fear that me raising juvenile delinquents cause me never spank them if them have tantrum.

[FrenchTickla]

Re: how to not raise a leggo bease :-/

background bout di parents

1. husband work from home and she don't think him appreciate her work in the house and with the kids. he is great at cleaning the kitchen and getting the kids ready in the morning while she sleeps in. she is great at loving her kids, cleaning and keeping house and being the social planner since he can be a little socially awkward.

2. dem fight nuff and infront a di pickney dem. if she want him fi do something she will bawl afta him in hebrew when a gentle request would do. him will tek it sometimes but most times him shout back and it escalate. it happens in grocery store, at dem house, at my house ... mi nuh know how dem behave at the parents but mi never see dem do dat at other friends so they may just be comfortable enuf at my place fi juss mek it all hang out.

3. he is a penny pincher - lives up to the stereotype. she hates it and although she works part time (and used to work full time in israel), she somewhat financially dependent on him. him is di type weh will calculate the cost per ounce in the grocery store and try to micro manage the grocery shopping.

4. they openly undermine each other in front of the kids. after 7 years of marriage, there is no agreement about how to put the kids down (him will work all day and waan play wid dem when is dem bed time), how to discipline them, and how to present a united front. e.g. mi and di wife cook dinner dis weekend and as soon as di pickney whine him offer up peanut butter and jelly sandwich . den him tek out kid 1 wid him to a casual business mtg and den stop and buy thai food fi dem when we juss done cook

5. when him frustrated him will drop di eff bomb and seh other inappropriate tings and now di pickney dem a parrot it and him nuh have nuh authority fi put dem inna time out for it and give a half-assed attempt at correcting them and give up quickly as di pickney keep dropping di eff bomb despite correction

6. she is uber critical of him and everybody else. she pass it off as a cultural ting - u nuh, all israelis are very warm but also very direct

so yeah, mi juss lock miself inna mi room and tek a "nap" while dem was going at it over and over dis weekend. and of course di pickney dem just start escalate too. it was a mad house. mi nuh used to dem tings dere and was happy for them to leave

[FrenchTickla]

Re: how to not raise a leggo bease :-/

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kia</div><div class="ubbcode-body">what are the behaviors in particular that bothered you? Hard to figure out how to help without this info </div></div>

mi soon come wid it kia. some of it is typical pickney stuff weh mi totally understand but mi feel di parents dem need fi exercise more control over di ress

[CeaBee]

Re: how to not raise a leggo bease :-/

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">(him will work all day and waan play wid dem when is dem bed time) - this <span style="font-weight: bold">sound like &quot;typical&quot; father behaviour to me </span>


how to discipline them, and how to present a united front. e.g. mi and di wife cook dinner dis weekend and as soon as di pickney whine him offer up peanut butter and jelly - <span style="font-weight: bold">the father may be of the opinion that u don't force them to eat what them truly don't like....i can be picky too, so i understand this to an extent</span>

den him tek out kid 1 wid him to a casual business mtg and den stop and buy thai food fi dem when we juss done cook -<span style="font-weight: bold"> this happen hereso too. I just kissmitoot and put it in the fridge for tomorrow's dinner. ....the next day me very happy, that me doan have to cook.</span> </div></div>
but maybe i gots issues too

[FrenchTickla]

Re: how to not raise a leggo bease :-/

so i recognize dat kid 1 could be going through a phase. he was always a loving child. always hug and kiss me and tell mi him love or like me . but it was apparent from b4 that their tension sets him off. he will start doing this high-pitched screeching no matter how many times you tell him fi use him inside voice . then their response is to be aggressive and loud to him by means of trying to de-escalate the situation but it just makes it worse.

his school teacher voiced concerns about him possibly having something like adhd and recommended he get help. of course as parents (and me as a good friend) there was nuff denial dat nutten nuh wrong wid di bway. anyway di more mi look at it, the more mi wonder if dis is normal. he is in behavioral and occupational therapy once a week. i don't have a good picture of what happens there and how he is progressing. the parents just paint a rosy picture. the worst i heard is that he is not proficient at cutting circles with a scissors.

he is an attention seeker and is unable to entertain himself or sit quietly it seems. he will defy all instructions - especially from the parents. i think this is somewhat normal. so even at their house when i see they are overwhelmed and b/c i know he responds to me, i will step up and give him a warning and then put him in time out caw as mi seh, him very defiant so him will push di limits. he responds to me well b/c i am not his parents but i also don't do it often. except when him in mi house mi mek him cleanup after himself and mi correct him frequently.

he doesn't have a hearing problem but him loud! him was in di puss face screaming at her and nuh matter how him get asked fi stop him continue and kid 2 just join in.

him empty mi hair products inna di toilet (mi mek dat pass), mark mi sofa wid sharpie (mi mek dat pass too). mi juss tink is a age ting

him scream thru timeout and dem will do it the shoddy way - although dem know wah nanny jo seh

him nuh respect other people property. don't u teach dem from early nuffi touch wah belong to odda people and fi ask fuss?

i love the kid and <span style="font-weight: bold">as someone who has none it easy for me to pass judgement and tink mi wuda dweet better</span>. i know that is me bieng delusional . and maybe caw mi used to mi peace and quiet this weekend of shock and awe was just too much

but if dis is not a phase den di parents need fi step in and enforce some kinda effective discipline and be united.

[FrenchTickla]

Re: how to not raise a leggo bease :-/

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CeaBee</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">(him will work all day and waan play wid dem when is dem bed time) - this <span style="font-weight: bold">sound like &quot;typical&quot; father behaviour to me </span>


how to discipline them, and how to present a united front. e.g. mi and di wife cook dinner dis weekend and as soon as di pickney whine him offer up peanut butter and jelly - <span style="font-weight: bold">the father may be of the opinion that u don't force them to eat what them truly don't like....i can be picky too, so i understand this to an extent</span>

den him tek out kid 1 wid him to a casual business mtg and den stop and buy thai food fi dem when we juss done cook -<span style="font-weight: bold"> this happen hereso too. I just kissmitoot and put it in the fridge for tomorrow's dinner. ....the next day me very happy, that me doan have to cook.</span> </div></div>
but maybe i gots issues too </div></div>

ceebee, dem not picky eaters u nuh. dem is di type a pickney weh eat dem veggies. di likkle one will wolf down mushrooms like it a guh outta style. i think daddy felt he was on vacation and suh dem cuda get as much sugar as dem want or just let dem hair dung. i was a little peeved and mi tell him seh him inna fimi doghouse but mi never mek a bg deal outta it. mi nuh know wah happen when dem go to bed if she tek him on bout it.

i think god know why mi play fi di odda team caw man juss seem like summuch work

[CeaBee]

Re: how to not raise a leggo bease :-/

why u never start off with u last post first?

I don't have any experience with the screeching part

(do have experience with mi niece emptying out mi modda's things and finding her hair oil and plastering the whole bottle all ova her head......mi sure me walls and tings get mark up along the way, and mi memba mi little cousin in law a chase the puss them thu the house .........part of it look like u friends were not monitoring the child closely enough

[CeaBee]

Re: how to not raise a leggo bease :-/

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">ceebee, dem not picky eaters u nuh. dem is di type a pickney weh eat dem veggies. di likkle one will wolf down mushrooms like it a guh outta style. i think daddy felt he was on vacation and suh dem cuda get as much sugar as dem want or just let dem hair dung. i was a little peeved and mi tell him seh him inna fimi doghouse dwl but mi never mek a bg deal outta it. mi nuh know wah happen when dem go to bed if she tek him on bout it.

i think god know why mi play fi di odda team caw man juss seem like summuch work </div></div>

No picky as in LB will not touch mashed potato (texture thing i think) and BB hates rice (i used to hate rice when i was a child, still not very fond of it)- but i understand what u saying now.

and yes daddies tend to be much more liberal when it come to the junk food and mommy is the enforcer (of course me not talking bout myself )

[FrenchTickla]

Re: how to not raise a leggo bease :-/

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CeaBee</div><div class="ubbcode-body">why u never start off with u last post first? </div></div>

caw mi did waan paint di picture and gi di background fuss

never waan oonu tink mi nuh like dese people.

it sounding like u saying alla dis normal and mi should just tie mi tubes from now

mi nuh know how oonu parents nuh all go mad from alla dis

[Gen]

Re: how to not raise a leggo bease :-/

Move and change yuh phone number. All 4 a dem sound like too much work and crasses, even fi Dr Phil. The wife sound like nuff deep issues, if she did want stay a Israel mek she nain tell him from mawning ? No sah, wayyyy too much work.

[kia027]

Re: how to not raise a leggo bease :-/



mek mi ask u someting.. dem pickney noh go playground pon a regula.. cause some a dat behavior can be avoided wid nuff outside playtime.. go play! get tired!!


If he has all a dat and still cyan sit still he could be adhd. I was in denial for a while.. did the behavioral things and when we decide fi medicate it was like 'ahhhhh'

[CeaBee]

Re: how to not raise a leggo bease :-/

yes yes i remember a period of time when we did just move here and setting up house and the pikney dem did a drive me mad.....only to think bout it and realise that everybody busy a unpack and what not and the children never have no outside playtime for a while why them was going on suh

[CeaBee]

Re: how to not raise a leggo bease :-/

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: FrenchTickla</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CeaBee</div><div class="ubbcode-body">why u never start off with u last post first? </div></div>


it sounding like u saying alla dis normal and mi should just tie mi tubes from now

mi nuh know how oonu parents nuh all go mad from alla dis </div></div>

the screeching part sound kinda iffy to be honest. .....but if u ever watch RHONY u will see where the lady have two boys close in age, and the other woman call them &quot;animals&quot;

them will drive u mad yes....cause the boys feed off each other's energy.