Aging Parents

[Tulip]

I don’t know if I started a thread about it before, tried to talk about it, or what. What I do know is that sometimes it is a whole lot less uncomfortable to have a conversation shielded in anonymity.

Alright, it’s getting there. “There” is the point where one is not sure whether it is time to step in because your parents do not seem as competent as they used to be. I would have lost my head on a chopping block if anyone had bet me years ago that my mother would be the first to start making less sense.

I find it very distressing. It makes me even think perhaps I should move back home. I’m not sure what good that would do because my parents have each other, and I will always be seen as the child. While I had the strength to take over maintenance of my grandmother when she wasn’t making sense, I don’t seem to be able to buck up with my own parents.

The next to most recent disturbing thing is my mom went from a size 10 to a size 4. Now, she doesn’t want to go to church (one of her major joys) because her clothes don’t fit. Long story, but I say why not try drinking some Ensure with her meals for some extra calories. You would have thought I said she should set herself on fire. I asked why not and she said because she did not want to. I said my grandmother didn’t either, but that didn’t stop me from having to pump it into a tube taped on the side of her stomach; let us please not let things get out of hand.

It’s so stressful, but I think I have to step in now. I could never forgive myself if I didn’t do everything for them that seems right. I don't even feel like talking about my daddy's issues. One thing at a time.

[Skelly]

Re: Aging Parents

girl i feel you i feel you i feel you..i am about to have my dad (70) and my mom here in my home at the same time and homegirl is already stocking up on dark liquor

[Gen]

Re: Aging Parents

The first thing you NEED to do is to discuss with your siblings (if you have any) getting power of attorney for your parents.

Also discuss their will and what they want done (should serious health issues arise)

If your parents are unwilling to listen to your concerns, then consider getting in touch with their Pastor, who may be able to convince them to listen to an outside party, a professional so to speak, who specializes in these matters, wills etc. Issues that pertain to the elderly.

[applepie]

Re: Aging Parents

((((Tulip))) what Gen says.........and also if possible make an appointment with her doctor (internal medicine) to discuss her care/recent bloodwork/behaviour etc.

[twiney]

Re: Aging Parents

Chulip what Gen said...I know exactly what you are dealing with and it took bringing my mother here to realise how things are as the siblings in Jamaica felt like and treated things as all is well.

[Tulip]

Re: Aging Parents

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Skelly</div><div class="ubbcode-body">girl i feel you i feel you i feel you..i am about to have my dad (70) and my mom here in my home at the same time and homegirl is already stocking up on dark liquor </div></div>

Skelly, you need some brown liquor. I think I do too.

[Tulip]

Re: Aging Parents

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Gen</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The first thing you NEED to do is to discuss with your siblings (if you have any) getting power of attorney for your parents.

Also discuss their will and what they want done (should serious health issues arise)

If your parents are unwilling to listen to your concerns, then consider getting in touch with their Pastor, who may be able to convince them to listen to an outside party, a professional so to speak, who specializes in these matters, wills etc. Issues that pertain to the elderly. </div></div>

Gen, I have one sibling and he's 7 years younger than I am. I have been debating whether to call their pastor just to talk.

For all future things legal, I'm in charge by written will.

They do have different philosophies about life support though. He never wants to go on it and she never wishes to be taken off of it.

[Tulip]

Re: Aging Parents

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: applepie</div><div class="ubbcode-body">((((Tulip))) what Gen says.........and also if possible make an appointment with her doctor (internal medicine) to discuss her care/recent bloodwork/behaviour etc. </div></div>

I talk to her doctor from time to time but maybe this is the time to really talk,

It's hard folks. it's really, really hard.

[MsExced]

Re: Aging Parents

((((Tulip))) know the feeling, do what Gen say.

[Tulip]

Re: Aging Parents

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Ms Exced</div><div class="ubbcode-body">((((Tulip))) know the feeling, do what Gen say.

</div></div>

OK, I need to find out more information about power of attorney. I'm on paper for what to do after they die, but not while they are living.

Now, just one more example, my dad gave $7,000 dollars to a total stranger he met while picking up their prescriptions at the drug store. My father went into the bank and withdrew the money like nothing was amiss.

Are you kidding me? He's tighter than a gnat's [censored]. They are retired. They don't have money to give away like that yet somehow he got flim flammed.

Everything got to go wrong at one time?

[Tulip]

Re: Aging Parents

In the mean time, I found a seamstress for my mother. My mother has 3 closets full of clothes. If they don't fit, let's get some of them taken up so she can get an ego boost.

I think I'm probably going to have to go look after them though. Things are definitely not right.

[Tulip]

Re: Aging Parents

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Twiney</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Chulip what Gen said...I know exactly what you are dealing with and it took bringing my mother here to realise how things are as the siblings in Jamaica felt like and treated things as all is well. </div></div>

Twiney, I missed your post at first.

I understand you completely. This is not normal.

[Skelly]

Re: Aging Parents

Just yesterday I was commiserating with a dear friend that it seems as if when our parents get older they seem to make stupid decisions that are not within their character. I am burdened with having to make decisions on their behalf that I think they should be capable of making given their years of wisdom and experience upon this here earth...but as the saying goes..once a man..twice a child...*sigh*


how is it that my father had millions of dollars in the bank and now him nuh have a penny? him down in JA giving all his money away to leeches...ah sah...mek mi shut up mi mouth

[St_Bess]

Re: Aging Parents

Aye Tulip - ole time people used to sey &quot;Once a man twice a child&quot; - its the progression of life. Very few people are blessed with good health and their faculties right up into their 100's. I have a 91 year old Aunt who is as sharp as a tack except for bad knees and high blood pressure [I take more medicaiton than she does]. Her husband who has always been the smarter one and 6 years younger has been declining for the past year - hearing loss, shaking, and being careless with his money. My father lived until he was in his 90's and he was doing very well until about 75 when Alzheimers(sp) got him and he went downhill from there. This is where children and/or other family members comes in - we take care of them because if we are bless to live as long do we will going down the same road as well. We are afterall &quot;our brothers keepers&quot;. Be patient with them believe me you will need all the help you can get and that this is LIFE. Good Luck!

[Gen]

Re: Aging Parents

Money to a stranger ?

You need to make a plan (make a to do list) and tackle that list quickly. See if you can get a consultation with an attorney regarding the power of attorney thing. Explain that you need to be able to make all decisions going forward.



<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Tulip</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Ms Exced</div><div class="ubbcode-body">((((Tulip))) know the feeling, do what Gen say.

</div></div>

OK, I need to find out more information about power of attorney. I'm on paper for what to do after they die, but not while they are living.

Now, just one more example, my dad gave $7,000 dollars to a total stranger he met while picking up their prescriptions at the drug store. My father went into the bank and withdrew the money like nothing was amiss.

Are you kidding me? He's tighter than a gnat's [censored]. They are retired. They don't have money to give away like that yet somehow he got flim flammed.

Everything got to go wrong at one time? </div></div>