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'I don't mind being barefoot and pregnant'
Meet the new breed of women choosing families over careers
By DONNA HUSSEY-WHYTE All Woman writer [email protected]
Monday, December 19, 2011
DESPITE the achievements of the women's movement when it comes to championing the rights of working women, many career women are opting to go back pre-women's lib, and embrace being barefoot and pregnant — choosing the stay-at-home lifestyle over the whole climbing the career ladder scenario.
Indeed, many women are (or are wishing to) going back to the days when the woman would stay home and care for the family while the man bore the task of being the breadwinner.
And these are bright, young, educated, career women with decent chances of achieving rapid career mobility.
"I tell my husband all the time that I don't mind being barefoot and pregnant," said Tanya Meichen, 31, who has a master's degree and a well-paying job as a middle manager in a large communications company.
"The only reason why I haven't done it is because we can't afford to live on one salary right now. But after the birth of our daughter, I realised that my destiny didn't lie in the 8:00 am to 8:00 pm workdays and in trying to compete. To put it bluntly, I'd rather be popping out five more babies; attending school functions and my child's games, and decorating my home."
She said she never thought like this before becoming a mother, in fact, "I never wanted children and wanted to be head of my company. But people would never understand the yearning to revert to the traditional, until they have kids."
Psychologist and owner of The JobBank, Dr Leachim Semaj, said indeed, more women are expressing the desire to stay home with their children rather than do the career ladder juggle.
Dr Semaj said a lot of women have begun to feel conned after realising that the idea of being a 'superwoman' who can juggle it all is not at all possible. Many of these women, he said, are now showing the desire to be stay-at-home moms or to work from home. However, he said, this is rarely possible.
"More and more women are seeing that they were conned into believing that it was an important thing to be out there in the so called 'real world', but the reality is that they end up doing two jobs or more jobs, and are forced to be out for longer hours and are coming home tired and not able to tend to their families," Dr Semaj said. "But as it stands now, it may be a luxury that very few women can actually live up to as they try to make ends meet," he told All Woman.
"The notion of staying home for many is really a fantasy, because the circumstances of staying home they (women) can't afford it," Dr Semaj said. "So that becomes a problem. Many people talk about it but are not able to do it."
But, Semaj said, those women for whom staying home may just be a fantasy, should accept that this is the new era of liberation for women; who after fighting for equality, now know that they have the option to stay home and stay with their children, as against in the past when women were forced to stay home.
The women speak
All Woman sought the views of some university-educated women, some of whom hold mid-level managerial positions in their respective career fields. They share one common view — "a woman's place is in the home".
Fiona, 31, marketing executive:
Though I am only just beginning to pay attention to the maternal side of me, I believe that the way it was in the early days is the way God designed it. Not to make women subservient or anything, but it was just the natural way of things. Women are caregivers and nurturers and men are hunters/providers. No matter how life evolves and how we claim to advance, as far as I'm concerned, we can but only be our true selves. I do believe that with all our technological advancements, the creation of the corporate world and whatnot, we have veered away from what God had intended. As a result, we have successfully managed to mess things up royally. If we had stuck to wives staying home and being wives, and mothers staying at home and being mothers for as long as our children needed us to, and if men stepped up to the plate as providers as our forefathers did, our society wouldn't be the horror story it is today!
Jennivie,33, sales and marketing executive:
This is an emotional issue... I do agree that we are the nurturers. Even when the dads are active like my husband is, Ty (daughter) still comes to me for comfort: We are built for that. I honestly would love to be able to be home for her now and to be here for her to come home to when she begins school. Motherhood is a full-time job that we juggle part time, and in fairness to us and our children it should not be so. I do believe in a woman taking her place in society and being among the movers and shakers, but since Tyler, I know I am in my most important life role. I do believe the saying 'he who rocks the cradle rules the world'...
This portion of the journey is difficult... brace for when you have to leave your child to go back to work. Ty will celebrate her second birthday in a few days and it is still difficult to leave her. Let's hope our unconditional love will be enough to help them become good, decent men and women.
Sadekie,30, journalist:
In a previous life, I took deep offence when anyone, especially men, expressed the view that "a woman's place is in the home" or any similar sentiment. I thought it smacked of masochism, chauvinism, and the insatiable desire of men to belittle women. We had evolved past that, I used to think; women had broken the glass ceiling and were neck and neck with men, if not over and above them in terms of professional attainment and achievement. The feminist movement had assured that.
However, now that I'm expecting and dealing with the demands of pregnancy — the illness, the pain, the discomfort, the fatigue, the swollen feet, the not-wanting-to-do-a-damn-thing-except-stay-at-home/in-bed-and-prepare-for-the-arrival-of-my-baby — I realise that women were not meant to be the family breadwinners. That's the role of men, who don't have to bear children. They are to hunt/fish/gather while we are to have babies and occupy ourselves taking care of them.
Things changed because of economic pressure and the inability of average men to support their families on one income. That I'm convinced of this is not to say we womenfolk have nothing to contribute in professional capacities, and it does not absolve men of their responsibility to help in child rearing either. It just means that I accept that we were designed with different functions in mind. Bearing and then raising a child is a full-time job. That's why we need grandmothers, babysitters, day care, helpers, etc. The tasks are so physically and emotionally demanding that it's unfair, in my mind, for us women to be expected to operate at optimal levels in the workplace while we are pregnant and have young children.
Desrine, 35, associate professor:
I've often believed the same thing... that we really ought to stay home, have babies and be good housewives. Alas, the men nowadays can't afford to make us live like that so we have to help them out.
Melody, 29, communications specialist:
A few years ago, I didn't mind being a career woman, earning my place in a professional society. But truth be told, today, I couldn't agree more that a woman's place should be in the home. I truly would not mind staying home and allowing my husband to bear the financial burden. Why not? Oh yeah! It's something I have been seriously considering. I feel burnt out and tired nowadays. Actually, I don't even want to stay at home and work out my soul either, housework is twice as hard. Why can't I just get a maid to keep the house, a personal chef to cook me healthy food, a personal trainer to keep me in shape, a chauffeur to drive me around, personal masseuse, etc?
Why did the women pick up themselves and come up with this women's right movement; fighting for women to have the right to work? Dem never have nothing fi do?
Maybe the answer to our economic problem is to have all women stay home and all men work — at the least the job market will get better. The first change [I'd make as a political candidate]: All women will stay at home, and the pay cheques get sent home to wives/spouses.
Karen, 29, writer:
I have been saying for years (even before leaving university) that I want to stay with my kids, clean, cook and wait for the husband to take in the money. I don't mind housework. True, it gets tiring, but I find that I have the natural ability to see dirt even when none exists. While I wouldn't shun a helper, my nurturing tendencies will not let me sit idly by and watch her to do everything. Oh no, I want to have a hand in washing my kids' clothes, cooking their meals (watching the salt and sugar), and talking to them about school, life, the dog and what's for dinner.
When I go to pick up my son in the evenings, I am so burnt out, yet he doesn't care and shouldn't. He wants to play ball, tell me about Shane who won't behave and how he is "wude", and then after all that, he wants to be fed, bathed and cuddled until he falls asleep. The amazing part is that I do all this in liquid motion as if my body and mind are wired for this.
True, while my partner is an awesome father who plays football with him and feeds him and bathes him; to our son I know it's not the same. He goes to daddy when he is playing boogie man, but comes to mommy when hungry, angry, tired or just wants a hug.
How would he instinctively know who to come to most? Simple: Nature created it this way. It's the Bible; read about the virtuous woman who keeps house and looks after her children, husband and guests! The Bible isn't wrong or contradictory — we should be staying at home and mek di man dem guh fight di corporate dutty wars!
I have no time to climb the social ladder as I am only interested now in teaching my son how to climb the ladder at home. I care not in achieving a bag of letters behind my name as my only concern now is teaching him the letters that make up his name. I couldn't care less if I am not recognised at work for my outstanding achievements as my main goal is ensuring that he recognises my worth to him and I live to ensure he achieves! In only a couple of years, my influence would have waned, I would have become his old woman (hopefully still loved), but by God, I pray that I would have fulfilled my God-given task of being the best mother he could ever have.
Saschelle, 29, law student:
I went through the about-face when I had my son. I would have been content to stay home and take care of him 'til the day he flies the coop. I had a year of playing wife when I just got married, and I loved it, but I used to wish I had a baby to take care of so I wouldn't feel so lonely, so those few months home with him were heaven on earth for me.
On the other side of the coin, I cannot honestly say I want to go back to the days when a "woman's place was in the home" as defined by men. We must remember that it was largely abuse of women that gave rise to the women's rights movement. Think back to the dark ages. Women were not even considered to have souls, and were looked upon as property! As recently as the 1960's women were not even allowed to vote, because we had no rights. I don't want to go back to that.
That said, the women's lib has now gone to the extreme, and there seems to be no balance. All I know is that I want to be the powerful corporate attorney, respected by her peers, male and female, but I also want to be super wife/mom, loved and respected by her husband and children. We are not much different from men. We want it both ways, just like they do. But hey, it's not a perfect world, so we make it work for us the best way we can.
Read more: http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines...9#ixzz1gzBfi6Jb
Meet the new breed of women choosing families over careers
By DONNA HUSSEY-WHYTE All Woman writer [email protected]
Monday, December 19, 2011
DESPITE the achievements of the women's movement when it comes to championing the rights of working women, many career women are opting to go back pre-women's lib, and embrace being barefoot and pregnant — choosing the stay-at-home lifestyle over the whole climbing the career ladder scenario.
Indeed, many women are (or are wishing to) going back to the days when the woman would stay home and care for the family while the man bore the task of being the breadwinner.
And these are bright, young, educated, career women with decent chances of achieving rapid career mobility.
"I tell my husband all the time that I don't mind being barefoot and pregnant," said Tanya Meichen, 31, who has a master's degree and a well-paying job as a middle manager in a large communications company.
"The only reason why I haven't done it is because we can't afford to live on one salary right now. But after the birth of our daughter, I realised that my destiny didn't lie in the 8:00 am to 8:00 pm workdays and in trying to compete. To put it bluntly, I'd rather be popping out five more babies; attending school functions and my child's games, and decorating my home."
She said she never thought like this before becoming a mother, in fact, "I never wanted children and wanted to be head of my company. But people would never understand the yearning to revert to the traditional, until they have kids."
Psychologist and owner of The JobBank, Dr Leachim Semaj, said indeed, more women are expressing the desire to stay home with their children rather than do the career ladder juggle.
Dr Semaj said a lot of women have begun to feel conned after realising that the idea of being a 'superwoman' who can juggle it all is not at all possible. Many of these women, he said, are now showing the desire to be stay-at-home moms or to work from home. However, he said, this is rarely possible.
"More and more women are seeing that they were conned into believing that it was an important thing to be out there in the so called 'real world', but the reality is that they end up doing two jobs or more jobs, and are forced to be out for longer hours and are coming home tired and not able to tend to their families," Dr Semaj said. "But as it stands now, it may be a luxury that very few women can actually live up to as they try to make ends meet," he told All Woman.
"The notion of staying home for many is really a fantasy, because the circumstances of staying home they (women) can't afford it," Dr Semaj said. "So that becomes a problem. Many people talk about it but are not able to do it."
But, Semaj said, those women for whom staying home may just be a fantasy, should accept that this is the new era of liberation for women; who after fighting for equality, now know that they have the option to stay home and stay with their children, as against in the past when women were forced to stay home.
The women speak
All Woman sought the views of some university-educated women, some of whom hold mid-level managerial positions in their respective career fields. They share one common view — "a woman's place is in the home".
Fiona, 31, marketing executive:
Though I am only just beginning to pay attention to the maternal side of me, I believe that the way it was in the early days is the way God designed it. Not to make women subservient or anything, but it was just the natural way of things. Women are caregivers and nurturers and men are hunters/providers. No matter how life evolves and how we claim to advance, as far as I'm concerned, we can but only be our true selves. I do believe that with all our technological advancements, the creation of the corporate world and whatnot, we have veered away from what God had intended. As a result, we have successfully managed to mess things up royally. If we had stuck to wives staying home and being wives, and mothers staying at home and being mothers for as long as our children needed us to, and if men stepped up to the plate as providers as our forefathers did, our society wouldn't be the horror story it is today!
Jennivie,33, sales and marketing executive:
This is an emotional issue... I do agree that we are the nurturers. Even when the dads are active like my husband is, Ty (daughter) still comes to me for comfort: We are built for that. I honestly would love to be able to be home for her now and to be here for her to come home to when she begins school. Motherhood is a full-time job that we juggle part time, and in fairness to us and our children it should not be so. I do believe in a woman taking her place in society and being among the movers and shakers, but since Tyler, I know I am in my most important life role. I do believe the saying 'he who rocks the cradle rules the world'...
This portion of the journey is difficult... brace for when you have to leave your child to go back to work. Ty will celebrate her second birthday in a few days and it is still difficult to leave her. Let's hope our unconditional love will be enough to help them become good, decent men and women.
Sadekie,30, journalist:
In a previous life, I took deep offence when anyone, especially men, expressed the view that "a woman's place is in the home" or any similar sentiment. I thought it smacked of masochism, chauvinism, and the insatiable desire of men to belittle women. We had evolved past that, I used to think; women had broken the glass ceiling and were neck and neck with men, if not over and above them in terms of professional attainment and achievement. The feminist movement had assured that.
However, now that I'm expecting and dealing with the demands of pregnancy — the illness, the pain, the discomfort, the fatigue, the swollen feet, the not-wanting-to-do-a-damn-thing-except-stay-at-home/in-bed-and-prepare-for-the-arrival-of-my-baby — I realise that women were not meant to be the family breadwinners. That's the role of men, who don't have to bear children. They are to hunt/fish/gather while we are to have babies and occupy ourselves taking care of them.
Things changed because of economic pressure and the inability of average men to support their families on one income. That I'm convinced of this is not to say we womenfolk have nothing to contribute in professional capacities, and it does not absolve men of their responsibility to help in child rearing either. It just means that I accept that we were designed with different functions in mind. Bearing and then raising a child is a full-time job. That's why we need grandmothers, babysitters, day care, helpers, etc. The tasks are so physically and emotionally demanding that it's unfair, in my mind, for us women to be expected to operate at optimal levels in the workplace while we are pregnant and have young children.
Desrine, 35, associate professor:
I've often believed the same thing... that we really ought to stay home, have babies and be good housewives. Alas, the men nowadays can't afford to make us live like that so we have to help them out.
Melody, 29, communications specialist:
A few years ago, I didn't mind being a career woman, earning my place in a professional society. But truth be told, today, I couldn't agree more that a woman's place should be in the home. I truly would not mind staying home and allowing my husband to bear the financial burden. Why not? Oh yeah! It's something I have been seriously considering. I feel burnt out and tired nowadays. Actually, I don't even want to stay at home and work out my soul either, housework is twice as hard. Why can't I just get a maid to keep the house, a personal chef to cook me healthy food, a personal trainer to keep me in shape, a chauffeur to drive me around, personal masseuse, etc?
Why did the women pick up themselves and come up with this women's right movement; fighting for women to have the right to work? Dem never have nothing fi do?
Maybe the answer to our economic problem is to have all women stay home and all men work — at the least the job market will get better. The first change [I'd make as a political candidate]: All women will stay at home, and the pay cheques get sent home to wives/spouses.
Karen, 29, writer:
I have been saying for years (even before leaving university) that I want to stay with my kids, clean, cook and wait for the husband to take in the money. I don't mind housework. True, it gets tiring, but I find that I have the natural ability to see dirt even when none exists. While I wouldn't shun a helper, my nurturing tendencies will not let me sit idly by and watch her to do everything. Oh no, I want to have a hand in washing my kids' clothes, cooking their meals (watching the salt and sugar), and talking to them about school, life, the dog and what's for dinner.
When I go to pick up my son in the evenings, I am so burnt out, yet he doesn't care and shouldn't. He wants to play ball, tell me about Shane who won't behave and how he is "wude", and then after all that, he wants to be fed, bathed and cuddled until he falls asleep. The amazing part is that I do all this in liquid motion as if my body and mind are wired for this.
True, while my partner is an awesome father who plays football with him and feeds him and bathes him; to our son I know it's not the same. He goes to daddy when he is playing boogie man, but comes to mommy when hungry, angry, tired or just wants a hug.
How would he instinctively know who to come to most? Simple: Nature created it this way. It's the Bible; read about the virtuous woman who keeps house and looks after her children, husband and guests! The Bible isn't wrong or contradictory — we should be staying at home and mek di man dem guh fight di corporate dutty wars!
I have no time to climb the social ladder as I am only interested now in teaching my son how to climb the ladder at home. I care not in achieving a bag of letters behind my name as my only concern now is teaching him the letters that make up his name. I couldn't care less if I am not recognised at work for my outstanding achievements as my main goal is ensuring that he recognises my worth to him and I live to ensure he achieves! In only a couple of years, my influence would have waned, I would have become his old woman (hopefully still loved), but by God, I pray that I would have fulfilled my God-given task of being the best mother he could ever have.
Saschelle, 29, law student:
I went through the about-face when I had my son. I would have been content to stay home and take care of him 'til the day he flies the coop. I had a year of playing wife when I just got married, and I loved it, but I used to wish I had a baby to take care of so I wouldn't feel so lonely, so those few months home with him were heaven on earth for me.
On the other side of the coin, I cannot honestly say I want to go back to the days when a "woman's place was in the home" as defined by men. We must remember that it was largely abuse of women that gave rise to the women's rights movement. Think back to the dark ages. Women were not even considered to have souls, and were looked upon as property! As recently as the 1960's women were not even allowed to vote, because we had no rights. I don't want to go back to that.
That said, the women's lib has now gone to the extreme, and there seems to be no balance. All I know is that I want to be the powerful corporate attorney, respected by her peers, male and female, but I also want to be super wife/mom, loved and respected by her husband and children. We are not much different from men. We want it both ways, just like they do. But hey, it's not a perfect world, so we make it work for us the best way we can.
Read more: http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines...9#ixzz1gzBfi6Jb