Chronic Slowness

[SamChabs]

Marriage breaking down is stressful. I finalised my divorce this past year after 2 years separation, and am stressed from keeping a close eye on the teens to try and detect any impact it may have had on them.

Anyway, back to the child, I hope you are not comparing her with the elder sister.... that is a mistake most of us make as parents. I constantly have to remind myself that my dawta ( who is younger) is different from my son and not to compare them, especially academically.

[Skelly]

Sorry to hear Sam...the older one is the one I am concerned about....she definitely has been affected...2 days ago she was eating and then stopped chewing for a long while and started gazing away. I asked her what she was thinking about. She said
"D-A-D."



She is adamant about wanting both her parents living together....sigh...

[SamChabs]

Sorry to hear Sam...the older one is the one I am concerned about....she definitely has been affected...2 days ago she was eating and then stopped chewing for a long while and started gazing away. I asked her what she was thinking about. She said
"D-A-D."



She is adamant about wanting both her parents living together....sigh...

Oh its the older girl. Shame... she probably has more understanding of whats happening. I am really sorry to hear that.

[Diplomat]

Slow as in taking her own sweet time to do EVERYTHING. Eating, getting dressed, basic chores. Her younger sister is much more direct when it comes to accomplishing tasks. At school it is the same. And she is always the last one to get her things together to leave the room, finish assignments, she cries sometimes that they throw her food out because lunch/snack time was over. Mind you she is VERY bright. She is 5..oops...5 and three quarters as I was corrected...and reading at a grade 2 level. But she just drag her foot with everything. She gets easily distracted and according to her "I got carried away". *sigh*

When going out, same thing.I find myself yelling at her and hurrying her because she always stray from the plan. I get her clothes and everything ready and she always find something else to wear fi slow we down even more. Or gets dressed in the wrong order before doing something like putting on lotion so she has to get undressed and start again. ALWAYS find sitten fi distract her. Abi is a master, very one track minded so if you tell her to do something she will.

Her granpuppa..how him mek out? Still slow as fawt an minding everything and everyone else business but fi him own.

Haven't read through the whole thread but she reminds me of my niece. Brilliant girl (she passed 10 subjects, all with distinctions, and is headed to 6th form) who knows only one speed for most things she does - slow; the total opposite of her parents. Whenever I visit JA, watching her eat is like watching paint dry. But that is just her speed and nothing is wrong with her physically, mentally, or otherwise. Your daughter may be the same. However, as you noted, you know her better than anyone else and if you think something is "wrong," it doesn't hurt to explore your professional options.

Also, at age "5 and three quarters" she is not being deliberate in slowing you down. At that age, children are establishing their own sense of self (differentiating) as evidenced by her choosing her own clothes after you have picked out what she should wear. You may want to try having her pick out her own clothes from overnight or engaging her early in the process if you are both doing the choosing.

Finally, was she this slow before the separation? If not, then it is possible she is affected by it and her "getting carried away" may be her way of coping. However, even if she was, parents separating are very tough on some kids, especially young ones, and it may be worthwhile exploring that further with your therapist.

[Skelly]

On Friday, during the session she had with my therapist, I learned that the school's social worker saw her. This was without my knowledge or consent. I am not angry I just would have liked to know beforehand.

Anyway, my therapist said she is not affected academically. She said she was "muy inteligente" (she is from Nicaragua and speaks mostly Spanish), but she has a severe longing for her father. She recommended that she continue to see the social worker to talk about her feelings...

[FrenchTickla]

skelly do the kids get to spend time with their father (sorry if mmi miss this before) or you thinking her issue is not that but more not having you two together? poor kid. sorry to hear. dem resilient though. just keep talking to her and loving har up and mek har know dat both a oonu still love har.

[Skelly]

skelly do the kids get to spend time with their father (sorry if mmi miss this before) or you thinking her issue is not that but more not having you two together? poor kid. sorry to hear. dem resilient though. just keep talking to her and loving har up and mek har know dat both a oonu still love har.

They don't see their dad very often at all...he lives 6 hours away. She wants us together but I think now she is kinda understanding the need for the separation and is used to the idea of separate households. She just wants her dad. She sees other friends with theirs and she gets sad because she doesn't have hers around. Not entirely his desire BTW...to not be around that is...but a jus so it go...

[Peasie]

Could their dad schedule some regular Skype time with Sar? And just with Sar alone? She could have her own laptop (or her own login on your laptop) and Skype with Daddy at a regular time each day. It need not be more than half hour each day. Or maybe her own FB chat with Daddy?

?

[FrenchTickla]

She sees other friends with theirs and she gets sad because she doesn't have hers around.

this struck a chord wid me. caw even as a big austering teenager mi memba dose pangs for mi absentee father when i saw one particular friend with her dad. so mi can juss imagine how overwhelming it must be on a younger kid with less ability to express emotions.

one friend here had an arrangement with his ex. they would drive the kids halfway to meet up. maybe something like that at least once a month could help. if him still driving him could mek u know when him a pass through and mek a date wid di girls.

den again a quickie visit may be more disruptive. ah ... sorry skells

[Skelly]

Could their dad schedule some regular Skype time with Sar? And just with Sar alone? She could have her own laptop (or her own login on your laptop) and Skype with Daddy at a regular time each day. It need not be more than half hour each day. Or maybe her own FB chat with Daddy?

?

Daddy nuh have no way to communicate over internet right now....we have discussed some custody details but they won't go into place until next year when everything between us is settled...and he is relocating even further away...will require plane travel ...we shall cross dat deh bridge when we get deh so...until then he will have to just keep calling like him do...

FT, I used to get those same pangs..until when mi mother had a boyfriend....and den she an him bruk up an Daddy move back in di picture..wid him absentee self

[kia027]

Daddy nuh have no way to communicate over internet right now....we have discussed some custody details but they won't go into place until next year when everything between us is settled...and he is relocating even further away...will require plane travel ...we shall cross dat deh bridge when we get deh so...until then he will have to just keep calling like him do...

FT, I used to get those same pangs..until when mi mother had a boyfriend....and den she an him bruk up an Daddy move back in di picture..wid him absentee self

There is skype app for mobile phones .. or if unno team apple, facetime

[Skelly]

There is skype app for mobile phones .. or if unno team apple, facetime

yes. and it still ain't gonna happen...sigh..i don't even know fi use di skype pan my own phone...she jus affi go ride it out til tings sekkle down yah

[FrenchTickla]

yes. and it still ain't gonna happen...sigh..i don't even know fi use di skype pan my own phone...she jus affi go ride it out til tings sekkle down yah

skelly it may be worth it fi di pickney dem. it easy fi set up, even mi then 4 year old nephew in Jamaica used to know how fi call mi pon Skype. 1. go to Skype.com and sign up 2. ex do di same 3. start the Skype app 4. add each other (search by username or email) 5. double click on his name and when him answer oonu can see and talk to each other