SURE there's no marriage crisis for Black professional women

[Tropicana]

Now THIS is interesting. I'll paraphrase and ask the same question the writer asked:

does anyone else see something wrong with this picture?

Here it is:

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I'm extremely fond of men and I am not a lesbian. My Clitoris Interruptus was not premeditated; I didn't set out on some celibate spiritual journey. I hesitate to call it a choice - although that's clearly what it's become.

I grew up in the '80s, raised with 1950s traditional, conservative values and was taught that good girls didn't have sex before marriage. I remained a virgin until I was 26 and in graduate school. (I've always been a late bloomer).

Before the Match.com era, singles seeking a date - outside of the bar scene - placed and responded to personal ads in alternative city newspapers. That's how I met, and started dating, my first real boyfriend. He was also my first sexual partner, and my first husband. Our union lasted six months.
</div></div>


[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/dizzy.gif[/img]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Fast-forward to 2008 and I can count on one hand the number of dates, set-ups, or short-term relationships I've had in the past decade.

</div></div>


WOW! [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/dizzy.gif[/img]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">It's still a little embarrassing for me to admit that I met my boyfriend/husband when most women at that time—and even now-- utilized more traditional paths to meeting a possible mate (i.e. church, social circles, college, family and friends). But honestly, I've exhausted all options, and it just isn't happening </div></div>


Sending young women to a Black college isn't the answer either. I think the colleges have to start using a quota system so that there is a 50-50 ratio, even if it means that the boys are far less qualified than the girls. Hopefully, the boys will flourish in a college environment. Some will definitely need something like a remedial year to catch up though.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><span style='font-size: 11pt'>In the world where I grew up - Boulder, Colo. - there wasn't exactly a plentitude of black men. I attended a historically black college in a small northern Mississippi town. There were - and still remain - black women attending college and pursuing degrees in higher education in significantly higher numbers than black men; decreasing the number of possible male suitors that I might have encountered during my undergraduate and graduate school years.</span> </div></div>

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> The Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies reported that the number of black women who were married between 1950 and 2001 declined from 62 to 36 percent. During that same period, the percentage of black women who had never been married doubled from 20 to 42 percent.</div></div>

Some a onoo naw go like dis but no one would ever tell an educated WHITE professional woman fi seckle:

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Add to that the small pool of eligible, professional black men - in my post graduate school life - who don't have children out of wedlock or from a previous marriage often choosing to date and marry white women
</div></div>

In fact, I have seen people tell White temp. secretaries and call centre reps that they can do bettah than dating a Call Centre manager or blue collar work. So why are Black women called "snobbish" if they don't see someone flipping burgers at McDonald's as a suitable match. Why is it nto considered normal that they seek someone who has a similar level of education and career achievement and with whom they are more likely to be compatible?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
and it's a recipe for a weakening of the black middle class.
Surprisingly, at the beginning of the new millennium, nearly 45 percent of black men had never been married, which is problematic for me or any woman who prefers black men.


</div></div>

Source

I end AGAIN with the question the author asked:

does anyone else see something wrong with this picture?

[BlueAngel]

Re: SURE there's no marriage crisis for Black professional women

They are shooting the black males in their backs and getting away with it. Why don't you use some of your talents towards a better cause?? Mi noh inna noh mood fi see you a post bout no marriage and relationships yah now.

[RichD]

Re: SURE there's no marriage crisis for Black professional women

yes why did the marriage only last six months?

[Tropicana]

Re: SURE there's no marriage crisis for Black professional women

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: RichD</div><div class="ubbcode-body">yes why did the marriage only last six months? </div></div>

Likely she settled for someone who was totally unsuitable for her rather than endure the humiliation of remaining single. That is the usual scenario when it only lasts for six months.

[tsophra]

Re: SURE there's no marriage crisis for Black professional women

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Tropicana</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: RichD</div><div class="ubbcode-body">yes why did the marriage only last six months? </div></div>

Likely she settled for someone who was totally unsuitable for her rather than endure the humiliation of remaining single. That is the usual scenario when it only lasts for six months. </div></div>

[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/704555_dwl.gif[/img] Trops yu nu ez atall..not every one finds it humiliating to be single enoh?

[RichD]

Re: SURE there's no marriage crisis for Black professional women

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Tropicana</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: RichD</div><div class="ubbcode-body">yes why did the marriage only last six months? </div></div>

Likely she settled for someone who was totally unsuitable for her rather than endure the humiliation of remaining single. That is the usual scenario when it only lasts for six months. </div></div>

hmmm...you left out that part for the article....seems to me she setteld very early then....it was her first boyfriend and she was only 26 or sumtin so [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70402-thinking.gif[/img]

[Tropicana]

Re: SURE there's no marriage crisis for Black professional women

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: RichD</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> yes why did the marriage only last six months? </div></div>
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Tropicana</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
Likely she settled for someone who was totally unsuitable for her rather than endure the humiliation of remaining single. That is the usual scenario when it only lasts for six months. </div></div>
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Jaded</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/704555_dwl.gif[/img] Trops yu nu ez atall..not every one finds it humiliating to be single enoh? </div></div>

I know but I wouldn't be me if I missed the opportunity to throw THAT in.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: RichD</div><div class="ubbcode-body">hmmm...you left out that part for the article....seems to me she setteld very early then....it was her first boyfriend and she was only 26 or sumtin so</div></div>

What has that got to do with the price of tea in China? At that time, White women got married even earlier.

Can we please focus on the issues instead of getting bogged down on the particulars concerning 1 woman? We are talking about <span style='font-size: 11pt'>a WHOPPING 45% of Black women never married</span> and the opportunities for Black professional women to marry getting slimmer and slimmer. THAT is the issue.

[MarieK]

Re: SURE there's no marriage crisis for Black professional women

Tropicana, it is kind of an injustice to compare black and white marriage rates because for one thing the playing field isn't level for both races. White men do not face the same economical and social disabilities our black men face and white women have never had to bury son after son at the hands of racist america.

We marry at a much lower rate not because we are more promiscuous even though the media whould have you think otherwise and not because black men are near extinction - look a the prison system ah but that's the problem they are either in prison or dead.

Many in society are quick to label them as thugs but you tell me, as a mother of a black male, had you not invested in his education, shielded him from the social ills of this society and stood strong in raising him, where do you think he'd be. Do you think he'd be as fine a young man as he is today. What is the percentage of black males who go to prison by the time they are 18.

We are quick to identify women who are bruised form years of abuse, yup we call it the battered women's syndrome, but tell me, don't our men have the same emotions and they are abused every single day from birth, aren't they also acting out?

You see marriage is a pretty picture we all want that but the reality is that with 50 percent of inncercity schools failing black boys aren't getting the education necessary and we can erradicate Al Qaeda but we can't crack down on bloods and crips so what else do we expect when the kids see gang bangers and idolize them. Where will they learn that tis is wrong, from the parents? Well the parents weren't given a fair shake in life either.

No one is saying that you have to be like your white counterparts and marry the CEO because I'm gonna tell you the black man aint gonna make it up there easy if he does at all I'm just saying that we have to build our own empire, marrying the office supplies person may not be a bad thing, he has a job and maybe, as a couple, they can both encourage each other to excel in ways unimaginable.

Marry the man sweetheart, not the image society has given us the beleif that we need to marry the lawyer or the doctor or the CEO but when our men strive for that they are viewed as uppity and militant.

[Tropicana]

Re: SURE there's no marriage crisis for Black professional women

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MrsMarieK</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Tropicana, it is kind of an injustice to compare black and white marriage rates because for one thing the playing field isn't level for both races. </div></div>

That is my point exactly. The playing field is FAR from level.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">White men do not face the same economical and social disabilities our black men face and white women have never had to bury son after son at the hands of racist america.

We marry at a much lower rate not because we are more promiscuous even though the media whould have you think otherwise </div></div>

I agree, there are other factors at play. The way I see some of the White men and woman carry on in Jamaica, Asia and other areas I travel, they have no right to label US as promicuous. There are other factors at play.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">and not because black men are near extinction - look a the prison system ah but that's the problem they are either in prison or dead.

Many in society are quick to label them as thugs
</div></div>

I agree.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
but you tell me, as a mother of a black male, had you not invested in his education, shielded him from the social ills of this society and stood strong in raising him, where do you think he'd be. Do you think he'd be as fine a young man as he is today. </div></div>

That is why I did it.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> What is the percentage of black males who go to prison by the time they are 18. </div></div>


HUGE!!

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
We are quick to identify women who are bruised form years of abuse, yup we call it the battered women's syndrome, but tell me, don't our men have the same emotions and they are abused every single day from birth, aren't they also acting out? </div></div>


Yes they are.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

You see marriage is a pretty picture we all want that but the reality is that with 50 percent of inncercity schools failing black boys aren't getting the education necessary and we can erradicate Al Qaeda but we can't crack down on bloods and crips so what else do we expect when the kids see gang bangers and idolize them. </div></div>

I sent him to private school at GREAT sacrifice and made sure he was raised in communities that did not have a lot of the negative aspects to which a lot of Black males are exposed growing up. Now I know that not every Black mother can do that. I only had one kid and, after the divorce, the support of his father. Many mothers can't say that either. Still, it was hard work and I had to be really vigilant and keep a close eye on him.


Why do you think I drive an old car and I don't own a house? The money that I could have spent for those things, went towards his education.

Despite the fact that I have had good earning power, I could not have done it all. A choice had to be made. I couldn't send him to private school, pay for camp, soccer, riding, hockey, travel AND ALSO hd enough money for a new car, house and closet filled with designer clothes. On my own with limited financial support from his Dad, there is no way I could have done it all. The father contributed what he could and was always consistent based on what the court ordered and going beyond that at times. As the main provider though, I could never have done it all and I made choices to benefit him and put some of my needs on the back burner for a LONG time.



<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
Where will they learn that tis is wrong, from the parents? Well the parents weren't given a fair shake in life either. </div></div>

Oh trust me, I know this. I haven't even experienced a fraction of the injustices that many Black parents have experienced. Still, it wasn't a cakewalk and I am royally and justifiably ticked by the opportunities that I was denied despite my qualifications.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
No one is saying that you have to be like your white counterparts and marry the CEO </div></div>

....not that I expect to marry a CEO but why not? If it is okay for White women who are my counterparts, why is a Black woman made to feel that she is stoosh or uppity or snobbish if she sets her sights beyond the janitor or the gardener. A bit of a double standard wouldn't you say. Why is the janitor seen as not good enough for a White temp secretary but an appropriate mate for a Black professional woman. I am not putting down the janitor. I am just saying that he may not be the most optimal match for everyone. He could have a good heart and be of good character but that doesn't make him an optimal match.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> because I'm gonna tell you the black man aint gonna make it up there easy if he does at all I'm just saying that we have to build our own empire, marrying the office supplies person may not be a bad thing, he has a job and maybe, as a couple, they can both encourage each other to excel in ways unimaginable. Marry the man sweetheart, not the image society has given us the beleif that we need to marry the lawyer or the doctor or the CEO</div></div>

I would have thought that but I have already tried something along those lines once, marrying a man with a lower level of education, achievement and ambition and it didn't work. It didn't work NOT because he was a bad person or I was a bad person but we truly were not compatible or suitable for each other.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
but when our men strive for that they are viewed as uppity and militant.

</div></div>

Yes that is also true.

[MarieK]

Re: SURE there's no marriage crisis for Black professional women

oh no Tropi, i am not saying that you can't marry a CEO I am just saying the availability isn't as wide for us as it is for white women therefore, finding an ambitious man with drive may be all you need to be powerful and own your own thing together.

I have a friend who married a clerk, he was making 6 bucks an hour well together they now own couple rental properties and he did landscaping work on the side to assist in paying off the mortgages they own 3 out of 5 buildings outright no mortgage so now they live in a huge house with kids and all they do is manage their properties and are very happy.

I'm just saying.........

Plus I would not wish the lives that some of these white women married to CEOs lead. Yes you can have a new gucci drawers every single day but sweetie, those men are rarely there to appreciate what's in them. Most of these wives are lonely, some of these men are controlling.

[kia027]

Re: SURE there's no marriage crisis for Black professional w

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Most of these wives are lonely, some of these men are controlling. </div></div>

and that is where pool boy comes in [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/704555_dwl.gif[/img]

[Tropicana]

Re: SURE there's no marriage crisis for Black professional women

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MrsMarieK</div><div class="ubbcode-body">oh no Tropi, i am not saying that you can't marry a CEO </div></div>

I know and not everyone is going to marry a CEO. Also, all CEOs aren't men of character so some would be unsuitable mates for anyone.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> I am just saying the availability isn't as wide <span style='font-size: 11pt'>for us </span>as it is for white women therefore, finding an ambitious man with drive may be all you need to be powerful and own your own thing together. </div></div>

Please note my bolding.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
I have a friend who married a clerk, he was making 6 bucks an hour well together they now own couple rental properties and he did landscaping work on the side to assist in paying off the mortgages they own 3 out of 5 buildings outright no mortgage so now they live in a huge house with kids and all they do is manage their properties and are very happy. </div></div>

Unfortunately, under most of those scenarios, the man expects the woman to carry him and the values and expectatons are SO out of whack that the relationship blows apart. Yes, it works in some cases but it is not an optimal match and no one would ever tell a WHITE professional woman that this would be an optimal match for her. White women are encouraged to AIM higher and select a partner with higher education, more earning power and a higher level of achievievement. Black women are cricized and labeled SNOBBISH if they to this. It's a bit of a double standard don't you think?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
I'm just saying.........

Plus I would not wish the lives that some of these white women married to CEOs lead. Yes you can have a new gucci drawers every single day but sweetie, those men are rarely there to appreciate what's in them. Most of these wives are lonely, some of these men are controlling. </div></div>
Yes I already said that some of these CEO types are not suitable as mates for ANYONE.

[Tropicana]

Re: SURE there's no marriage crisis for Black professional w

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kia</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Most of these wives are lonely, some of these men are controlling. </div></div>

and that is where pool boy comes in [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/704555_dwl.gif[/img] </div></div>

Wrong thread Kia love. I think you meant to post this in my Desperate Mzungu Women - PAWT 12 thread.

[kia027]

Re: SURE there's no marriage crisis for Black professional w

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Tropicana</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kia</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Most of these wives are lonely, some of these men are controlling. </div></div>

and that is where pool boy comes in [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/704555_dwl.gif[/img] </div></div>

Wrong thread Kia love. I think you meant to post this in my Desperate Mzungu Women - PAWT 12 thread. </div></div>

it is in the right spot.

Bottom line is the pool of available men to women, particularly women of color is small. So be prepared to be single , marry someone in a different profession (be it so called blue or white collar) and build a life together.

[Tropicana]

Re: SURE there's no marriage crisis for Black professional w

Yup. I think that just about sums it up Kia.

However, one has to be prepared to deal with all the pressures involved when one marries someone who would not normally be an optimal match. Trust me, I have tried it and it wasn't easy.

Somehow the whole scenario does not seem fair or right. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/sick.gif[/img]