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"We need to talk." Oh you have no idea how much I hate hearing those dreaded words from a woman. "We need to talk" really means I "I want to know who the hell you think you are?". It comes right before they ask you what they mean to you, where you see the relationship going, and are you really interested in them or are you blowing them off. Its almost as if women think we are somehow as complicated as they are. Yes ladies, we are as simple as we appear to be. If you feel like you need to "talk" to a man about where the relationship is headed or to find out why you call more than he does then chances are he isn't interested in you in the way you want him to be. And men, its a trap. One big trap. She wants you to to be honest and put her down so she can label you a jerk and move on to other things. Its a no win situation for most guys. Unless you are me [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif[/img]
Ok ... so I will let you in on a little secret. There are ways to handle the "we need to talk" trap. You will probably be surprised when I tell you and your reaction will probably be a resound "get out of here with that bull!" but its all true. I have used the strategy myself and it works. Well ... it works as well as any strategy can work with women. Which is to say - she will still be talking to you next week. Ok. So how do I handle the "we need to talk trap"? With careful and considerate honesty. Seriously.
Wait ... let me explain. I often try to build platonic relationships with women because I really can't hang out with guys in certain places. I don't want to go with another guy to a movie, or the mall, or to the bookstore. Those are activities that you can really only do with a woman (if you have a guy friend who is pressuring you to do those things with them politely excuse yourself from his presence and see if you can get your number changed). The problem is, women LOVE guys that try to be platonic with them. They somehow see it as genuine interest in with the goal to become intimate after you get to know them as a friend (oh boy). So my platonic women friends almost always eventually see me as this perfect package and start getting restless when the "just friends" phase starts stretching out longer than they want it to. Then you start getting the phone calls that sound like:
Woman Friend: Hey stranger. I noticed you haven't called in awhile. Are you avoiding me?
Fiyah: No. I called you last week.
Woman Friend: Exactly! Last week. And only because you were returning my phone call.
You can bet that right after you start getting complaints like that the inevitable "we need to talk" trap is about to be sprung. When you finally do hear those dour (I mean't to type "four" here ... but dour works perfectly) words the important thing is not to panic. Listen to her as she explains that she isn't trying to pressure you into anything, but just wants to know where she stands and how hard you are to read. When she is done tell her you understand exactly where she is coming from and assure her you had no idea she was confused about the "relationship". Then tell her the TRUTH. Don't insult her, don't put her down, just let her know that you aren't ready to be in a committed relationship as yet and that while you enjoy her company that there are times when you are in "you" mode and just want to do what you want to do without having to check in with anybody or call and engage in small talk. Tell her its nothing personal. Delivery is of course key as you can still come off as a lying, good-for-nothing, game-playing jackass, in which case the trap has worked, you are no longer the "perfect package" and now she can finally hate you and move on. If you get the delivery right you come off as a really nice guy who just ins't ready to get into another relationship as yet (or at least not with them) and the friendship can continue on (as long as she doesn't go off and get a boyfriend).
Yes, they do seem impossible to deal with, but in reality, women are only difficult to deal with when us men try the lying game. I mean lets face it ... we aren't as good at the lying thing as we think we are.
This is what this guy thinks....weh bout you?
Ok ... so I will let you in on a little secret. There are ways to handle the "we need to talk" trap. You will probably be surprised when I tell you and your reaction will probably be a resound "get out of here with that bull!" but its all true. I have used the strategy myself and it works. Well ... it works as well as any strategy can work with women. Which is to say - she will still be talking to you next week. Ok. So how do I handle the "we need to talk trap"? With careful and considerate honesty. Seriously.
Wait ... let me explain. I often try to build platonic relationships with women because I really can't hang out with guys in certain places. I don't want to go with another guy to a movie, or the mall, or to the bookstore. Those are activities that you can really only do with a woman (if you have a guy friend who is pressuring you to do those things with them politely excuse yourself from his presence and see if you can get your number changed). The problem is, women LOVE guys that try to be platonic with them. They somehow see it as genuine interest in with the goal to become intimate after you get to know them as a friend (oh boy). So my platonic women friends almost always eventually see me as this perfect package and start getting restless when the "just friends" phase starts stretching out longer than they want it to. Then you start getting the phone calls that sound like:
Woman Friend: Hey stranger. I noticed you haven't called in awhile. Are you avoiding me?
Fiyah: No. I called you last week.
Woman Friend: Exactly! Last week. And only because you were returning my phone call.
You can bet that right after you start getting complaints like that the inevitable "we need to talk" trap is about to be sprung. When you finally do hear those dour (I mean't to type "four" here ... but dour works perfectly) words the important thing is not to panic. Listen to her as she explains that she isn't trying to pressure you into anything, but just wants to know where she stands and how hard you are to read. When she is done tell her you understand exactly where she is coming from and assure her you had no idea she was confused about the "relationship". Then tell her the TRUTH. Don't insult her, don't put her down, just let her know that you aren't ready to be in a committed relationship as yet and that while you enjoy her company that there are times when you are in "you" mode and just want to do what you want to do without having to check in with anybody or call and engage in small talk. Tell her its nothing personal. Delivery is of course key as you can still come off as a lying, good-for-nothing, game-playing jackass, in which case the trap has worked, you are no longer the "perfect package" and now she can finally hate you and move on. If you get the delivery right you come off as a really nice guy who just ins't ready to get into another relationship as yet (or at least not with them) and the friendship can continue on (as long as she doesn't go off and get a boyfriend).
Yes, they do seem impossible to deal with, but in reality, women are only difficult to deal with when us men try the lying game. I mean lets face it ... we aren't as good at the lying thing as we think we are.
This is what this guy thinks....weh bout you?
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