Tell me Pastor

[diabolical_Tanya]

Dear Pastor,

I must say that your advice is very intriguing. I am a 30-year-old man from the Caribbean living in Canada illegally. I am in a common law relationship with my girlfriend of eight years. We have had three kids; two were stillbirths and the surviving one is a four-year-old girl. I do love my girlfriend. She's 26. I encouraged her to go back to school and have a decent education. She did and now this is her final year in her nursing programme. In this relationship we have had ups and down. This woman was in a previous relationship and was hurt badly, thus the insecurity in our relationship.

One day last year I went and did the laundry for the household and grabbed some food for her and my daughter. As I got to the apartment, she began to go berserk claiming that I had gone out cheating on her. We got into an argument. As I picked up the phone to call my aunt she came and tried to snatch it out of my hand. I shielded the phone from her which resulted in my hand striking her. She called the police. I was then arrested and charged with domestic assault. I asked a friend to post bail for me which he did. I contacted a lawyer who charged $4,500 for his service. I paid him $1,000, but I cannot pay him anymore because I have to pay all the bills and rent in the household. My court date is coming up next month and I'm so stressed out. I don't know if I am to attend it or go underground.

I work very hard. I have an ailing mother in the Caribbean whom I also support. I don't know what to do. I really love my daughter. If I do attend, I'll be deported. At nights I can't sleep without consuming alcohol.

Pastor, please give me some advice on the best course of action Thank you.

D.H., Ontario, Canada


Dear D.H.,

Too bad this matter has to go to court. Don't do anything foolish. Discuss everything with your lawyer. Why after so many years you are living in Canada illegally?

Pastor

[diabolical_Tanya]

Re: Tell me Pastor

Scared of the truth

Dear Pastor,

Please give me some guidance. My boyfriend and I have lived together for six years and have a four-year-old child together. Recently he told me that he had fallen in love with someone else. He started staying overnight with this woman and would come back two or three days later. I finally changed my locks and told him that I no longer wanted to be intimate with him and that he could continue to see his child with scheduled visits. A few days ago, he told me that he wanted to change, but that he was confused. He claims he wants to try to make things work between us, but that he needs to get his own apartment. I think he only wants to be able to sleep with both of us women without feeling the guilt of cheating.

What should I do? I don't know if I can ever trust that he has cut off ties with her and even if he did. How can I trust that he won't do it again? He says Jamaican men don't see counsellors and refuses for us to seek outside help. I don't want my family to separate, but I wonder if cutting him off is what's best for my child.

L.F., Canada


Dear L.F.,

This man has not given up the relationship with the other woman. He wants to have the both of you. He wants to live in peace with you because of his child, but he is not giving up his new girlfriend. He will go to bed with you anytime you are prepared to do so.

He is talking nonsense when he says that Jamaican men don't go to see counsellors. He is not prepared to face the truth that is why he is afraid to see a counsellor.

Pastor