The great Divide

[BoundBrook]

Ok, it is 100% official. The world is seperated into 2 distinct parties. Women with a child(ren) and women without.

It is totally making me question if you can remain close and friends with someone ones their life is rocked/blessed by the birth of a child. It is kinda breaking my heart to think that this friendship might be over.

One of my closest friends had a baby 2 years ago. I have seen her 2 times since she had the baby. We used to see each other far more often than that. I know having a baby changes a lot and I believe we are both to blame for not making more of an effort...

I saw her yesterday at her kids 2nd birthday party and was totally out of place. I didn't know any of her new friends/neighbors and ended up babysitting most of the time. I barely stayed 2 hours. I had kid after kid pawned off of on me to "watch for a second" while the parents ran around and fixed plates of food, blew up water toys, chased after their other kid, changed kids into bathing suites, and bla bla bla. I know how hard it can be to manage a kid, let alone 2 kids on your own as some of the mothers were doing. I am happy to help out, Lord knows I do it for my sisters all the time. But those are my neices and nephews, not kids that I have only just met. Who scream bloody murder when I stop them from running into the ocean.

I don't know. I felt so out of place and now my friend is e-mailing me asking me if I was ok, that I seemed stressed and left early.

It was a whirlwind. Having not seen someone that I was so close to for almost a year and realizing we have nothing in common anymore and then being designated babysitter b/c I didn't have any of my own to wrangle.

Aye Sah.

[Nylah]

Re: The great Divide



I feel your pain Brook

I have been in that position and have wondered if it is possible to maintain friendships such as yours. It takes a lot of patience in the beginning because your girlfriend is consumed with her new family.

and yes, interests, etc change but I found you need to find other common ground to keep the friendship going.

I had one group of friends who I would get together regularly until I had to put an end to it. They all had kids and I dont.

The annoying thing is that when we were all single we could have conversations about all different kinds of topics, and since they have had their kids ALL they talk about over cocktails and dinner were what their kids have done.

No other subject matter was ever brought up and then they had the nerve to ask me why I was so quiet all the time

after I politely cussed them out for their insensitivity, things changed. They made an effort to find common ground outside their kids and what little Johnny did today, whenever we got together.

but I can tell you that it didnt happen overnight. It isnt a fun place to be when you see friendships that meant so much to you transition into something else. So can survive but not all of them do.

[Gen]

Re: The great Divide

i have one child and would have to be in the mood to go to another kid's b-day party i know what to expect so mi steer clear.

not sure if that should have been your first setting after not seeing each other for so long, perhaps a one on one with her and the child OR brunch with just the 2 of you adults, but to be with all those other parents and children can be overwhelming if yuh nuh used to it.

[BoundBrook]

Re: The great Divide

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Tek_weh_yuhself</div><div class="ubbcode-body">i have one child and would have to be in the mood to go to another kid's b-day party i know what to expect so mi steer clear.

not sure if that should have been your first setting after not seeing each other for so long, perhaps a one on one with her and the child OR brunch with just the 2 of you adults, but to be with all those other parents and children can be overwhelming if yuh nuh used to it. </div></div>
I was a nanny for 6 years. I should have known better and made more of an effort to see her one on one before the party. She was too busy and too stressed at the party and it made things between us even moe strained.

I hate to sound insensitive to new Moms, or Mothers in general. I think I am more sad about the state of the friendship than anything else. It breaks my heart.

[Stormmey]

Re: The great Divide

I tell people straight up that I will admire their little monsters from afar, jus sen me dem pikcha!! nuff said dem doan like it.....oh well

[Bizzy]

Re: The great Divide

Being @ the party and helpin out with the kids wouldn't come in like nutten to me ...

Mi can undastan how u feel dowe when it come on to the convos bout kids/family...mi know say mi used to hate dat when mi did jus come from college caw de whole a my fren dem did breed and all married, divorce and engage again an dem used to annoy me.

But de pikney dem, mi can manage dem deh