Emotional Infidelity

[jcanseabee]

When does a friendship turn into an emotional affair? If a friendship with someone of the same sex becomes super close, is it the same thing? Can you see it coming? Would you break up because your mate had one?

[Compry]

Re: Emotional Infidelity

Greetings Christian Soldier. It's good to see you on the board.

When you say break up...break up with who...your mate or the close friend?

[bigbooie]

Re: Emotional Infidelity

I'm puzzled.

[DC]

Re: Emotional Infidelity

<span style="font-style: italic">Interesting. Mi noh usually walk bout in here, but mi see this topic on top and funnily, I came across this article and I was gonna post in another forum on emotional cheating. But I will post here instead..</span>

<span style="font-weight: bold">Emotional Cheating
Intimacy Without Sex is Emotional Infidelity
© Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen</span>
SOurce

<span style="font-size: 11pt">Is having a friend of the opposite sex (or the same sex, as the case may be) a sign of emotional infidelity? Here's how psychologists see signs of emotional cheating.

Emotional cheating can be difficult to wrap your mind around. It’s not like a “real” affair (with intercourse) or a “sort-of-but-not-really” affair (everything but the intercourse).

Emotional infidelity doesn't necessarily break spoken vows, create unwanted pregnancies, or spread sexually transmitted diseases. Emotional cheating can't always be spotted in the traditional ways.

Emotional infidelity can be as devastating to a marriage or partnership as sexual unfaithfulness - if not more so. Determining the difference between harmless flirting versus cheating is important to a healthy relationship.

<span style="text-decoration: underline"><span style="font-weight: bold">How emotional cheating starts</span></span>
Most people don’t plan to be emotionally unfaithful. Emotional cheating starts by casually chatting with coworkers or people they see regularly – and it grows into more than “friends.” They go for lunches, take business trips, or make special efforts to see the person’ to whom they’re getting attached. They think about their “friend” more and more, until it becomes a definite emotional bond. Those are signs of emotional cheating.

Internet relationships are more and more popular since everyone’s wired up. Emotional cheating now begins in chat rooms, forums, or discussion groups. They evolve into private conversations and emotional infidelity.

<span style="text-decoration: underline"><span style="font-weight: bold">Emotional cheating and internet relationships</span></span>
In emotional infidelity over the internet, “friends” may never meet. This means that relationships can flourish in public places like the office or in private places, like one’s own home. Bonds can grow and emotional cheating can occur even when the coworker is at the other desk or the family is in the same room.

Anonymity is a potential problem with internet relationships and emotional infidelity. There’s greater intimacy because you’re anonymous; you’re free to share the deepest darkest parts of yourself (parts you're reluctant to share with someone in person). Further, you can build your friends up into the most wonderful, kind, smart, and funny people in your mind because you haven’t met – and you certainly haven’t dealt with dirty socks, disciplining kids, or getting lost in a new city together. Your relationship hasn't been tried or tested. Emotional cheating becomes a slippery slope when you're involved with a mysterious stranger.
If you know you have a weakness with emotional infidelity, you can learn to resist temptation.

<span style="text-decoration: underline"><span style="font-weight: bold">Are women more susceptible to emotional infidelity?</span></span>
Women are usually the ones who push the relationship further. Women want relationships to move from friendship to love, from computer to reality. Women tend to get more emotionally involved and are more emotionally invested than men. Men on the other hand see the internet relationships or emotional infidelity as part of their lives – a nice part, but just one part. Women envision soul mates or life partners; men are having fun.

Note that the above are stereotypes with regard to emotional cheating! There are men who do become highly emotionally involved with more distant women, both over the internet and in person. Bonds and emotional infidelity aren't the sole activities of either women or men alone.

<span style="text-decoration: underline"><span style="font-weight: bold">Signs of Emotional Cheating</span></span>

Emotional cheating happens when you:
•Discuss your partner and relationships with your “friend.” You share your fears, hopes, and dreams (this is emotional intimacy).

•Meet your “friend” for dinner or lunch without telling your partner.

•Keep your computer, files, and internet sites password-protected.

•Hide or are secretive about your life, relationships, and activities.

•Keep your partner waiting while you spend time with your “friend.”

•Stay in regular, intimate contact with ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends. Emotional cheating can spring from close relationships with past lovers.

Instead of assuming or vowing emotional infidelity will never happen to you, spend time with your partner. Have open and honest discussions about your relationship. Have fun together; the more you make your partner happy, the more likely he/she will reciprocate!

Don’t forget what brought you together in the first place. “It’s so easy,” says psychologist M. Gary Neuman, “to forget why we fell in love.” Emotional cheating can make you forget why you love your partner in the first place.</span>

[bigbooie]

Re: Emotional Infidelity

Well one thing for sure..in a relationship, what ever you look for hard enough you will fine it. (walk good)

[j-kid]

Re: Emotional Infidelity

Man, if yuh follow dem rahtid people yah, yuh noh hav noh friends ahtall! Ah noh everybaddi ha weak minds yuh noh. Man hafi duh whe man ahfi duh, caa som mates definately full ah too much drama.

[Suesumba]

Re: Emotional Infidelity

well if the mate is putting all attention, time and effort into the friend (k. i admit, the same sex part has me confused), whether of the same sex or not, it's time for a talk with them.

[jcanseabee]

Re: Emotional Infidelity

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Compray</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
When you say break up...break up with who...your mate or the close friend? </div></div>

If your mate had an emotional affair with someone, would you break up with your mate.

[Diplomat]

Re: Emotional Infidelity

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Christian Sailor</div><div class="ubbcode-body">If your mate had an emotional affair with someone, would you break up with your mate. </div></div>That depends on what my definition of an emotional affair is. In a lot of ways, and regardless of what someone else's definition is, we judge situations through our own understanding and ways of seeing things. For me, emotional infidelity is taking resources from one's primary relationship and investing them in another. It is something that can be done unintentionally, especially in close/meaningful friendships. I wouldn't break up with someone over it, but I would definitely want to talk it through to see if she understands my thoughts/feelings, or is even aware of what she seems to be doing. If we can adjust, fine, but if she persists in behaviours detrimental to the primary relationship, then there is cause for concern and some third party help may be needed.

The other side is that the problem could be me, especially if I haven't taken the time to know and meet her emotional (and whatever other) needs. No form of infidelity happens in a vaccum, and usually the problem is one of shared responsibility.