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Why women hate women
Daddy Oh
With Tony Robinson
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Two women plac'd together,
Makes cold weather.
Shakespeare, Henry VIII 1, 4
So said Lord Chamberlain as he arranged guests at a dinner table. Well, if two women placed together make cold weather, can you imagine a room full of women, side by side, in close proximity to each other?
A veritable blizzard, a snowstorm of mean proportions, with the frost so thick in the air that you'd have to cut it with a power saw. Is it because they are so much alike? "Women are much more like each other than men: they have in truth, but two passions - vanity and love; these are their universal characteristics." So said Philip Dormer Stanhope, Earl of Chesterfield.
It has always been said that women don't really like each other, and we have all seen this manifested more than once, and before you fly off and shout chauvinism, there is empirical evidence to back this up. So frequently I have heard women say that they hate to work with other women, and the worst fate that they could have is a woman as a boss. Conversely, many men do not mind working with women, and have no trouble having a woman as their boss.
Personally, throughout my professional life, I have always had a preference for working with women, but not so most women, who simply abhor it. And truth be told, history has proven this, as so many women have been the undoing of other women, all because of rivalry and jealousy. This dislike of each other even goes as far as mothers and daughters, as in some cultures, mothers actually drown their daughters all because of the belief, or fact, that girl babies are not as in demand as their male counterparts.
This was corroborated by this documentary that I saw recently that highlighted the child-selling trade in China. Yes, there is a huge child-selling trade in China, where thousands of babies and small children are bought and sold. This is fuelled by China's one-child per family policy. So, if by chance a couple secretly has a second child, they quickly sell it to avoid paying the huge fine, which can wipe them out financially.
On the other hand, childless couples are always willing to buy, so the basic law of supply and demand holds true. But what was also brought out in the documentary was the high price paid for boys and the much lower price paid for girl babies. As the commentary said, "Girl babies are of a low premium and worse, if she is ugly, you can't even give her away."
So sadly, mothers will resort to abandoning or drowning their infant daughters. But even here in Jamaica I discovered that there are many cases of mothers and daughters hating each other. I learnt this from many of my female friends who regaled me with horror stories of what went on between them and their mothers. The incidents were frequent, and I must say surprising to me.
"If I told you the nasty words that my mother tell me all the time, you'd be shocked," one told me, while another said, "It's like she's in competition with me and never gives me any encouragement, all she does is put me down." And, "We don't speak for many years now and she never even came to my wedding."
Do women really hate women, and why? A very interesting poll conducted in the USA showed that the majority of voters who supported Sarah Palin, the running mate of Senator John McCain, are men. Yes, men. You'd think that because she's a woman, more women would be drawn to her, but no, as it's more men than women who say that they will vote for her.
Why do women dislike other women so? Perhaps it's because of competition, as they have to vie for the attention and affection of men, and as we all know, available men are in short supply. So perhaps, because of this ingrained 'choose me' competitive gene, women just get catty towards each other. Why else would a woman throw acid on another, in order to disfigure her, all because she suspects her of seeing her man? Fortunately, that horrific practice has basically stopped.
This dislike manifests itself with teenage girls and their mothers who very often simply can't stand each other. Who among you can deny that the most friction occurs when a daughter hits those years of puberty? That's when the sparks fly and mother and daughter are at loggerheads. "So, yu think say yu is big woman now? Well, is one woman in this house, me."
"You're just jealous because I'm younger and prettier than you, that's all."
Perhaps it's justified too, as in many cases, daughters have been known to vie for the affection of their stepfathers and even steal them from under the noses of their mothers. "Every man I bring home de likkle pickney deh wid dem," this mother cried to me, having lost her man to her 17-year-old daughter. I have also seen mothers call police to restrain their daughters who were out of control, and put fight to them constantly.
Even the fact that women can describe other women in unflattering ways is a sign of their competitiveness. Recently, some ladies asked some guys to describe a man to them. "Was he cute, handsome, dashing?" they queried. "Hold on now, man can't tell if other man is dem tings. Ask if him tall, big or rough, but not dem tings, as man can't know if man handsome or not," the men responded.
The women seemed surprised, for they could easily describe another woman as being pretty, cute, sexy or not. That's because of the competitive genes that they are blessed with. They have to do a rapid computer-like analysis to assess the competition. In a flash her bionic eyes will send signals to the neurons and microchips in her brain to determine if that other woman is a threat to her.
Instantly it's, "She's tall, pretty, cute, has nice legs, big bright eyes, nice weight, lovely hair.. damn witch, I can't stand her." All this and she doesn't even know the woman, but she sees her as a threat, so instantly hates her. Haven't you seen how women will just look on another woman, like a beauty contestant or so, and express absolute hatred?
Maybe that's why pretty women do not hang out together, or bond as tightly as men. Have you ever heard the term, female bonding? I didn't think so. Oh, women will go out together, girls' night out and all that, but this deep bredrin-type bonding that the men have is just not there. Just check out which is stronger, boys' schools old students' reunions, or girls' schools past students' reunions. It's no contest, as after they leave school, most girls don't ever want to see each other again.
Check out the strong old boys' fervour of schools like Kingston College, and to a lesser degree Calabar, Wolmer's, Munroe and Cornwall, and then try to name any girls' school that has a consistently strong past students' chapter. Even female roommates fall out after a while, and in most cases it's over a man. As long as they are both single it's okay, but as soon as a man enters the picture, the equation changes and the friendship mash up.
Women on women can be so harsh, and I marvel at what women will say about other women behind their backs. Even our female newscasters do not escape, as I have witnessed and heard so often, the snide, catty remarks that other women make when they appear on TV. It matters not what devastating news she may be reading, as all that's important to the female viewer is how her hair looks, or what clothes she's wearing.
But it's when the age gap is huge that the claws really come out. Just let a woman see a younger woman talking to her man and see how instantly the hatred flies to the fore. It could merely be an innocent gesture on the young girl's part, but the fact that she's younger and prettier is anathema to the older one. Well, if mothers can feel that way about their own daughters, just imagine what complete strangers can feel - instant hatred.
It's all about the competition, and that's why women spend so much time before mirrors, preening and trying to turn back the hands of time. "Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest of them all?" They simply have to look better than the other women at all costs. Put them together in one working or social environment and watch the sparks fly. Devious, snide, catty, sneaky are but some of the words used to describe each other.
They say it's a dog-eat-dog world, but perhaps they meant female dogs. For true, all men may be dogs, but they move in packs and bond. I thank my female friends, Barbara, Sheree, and Vickie for supplying me with the background information.
More time.
[email protected]
Daddy Oh
With Tony Robinson
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Two women plac'd together,
Makes cold weather.
Shakespeare, Henry VIII 1, 4
So said Lord Chamberlain as he arranged guests at a dinner table. Well, if two women placed together make cold weather, can you imagine a room full of women, side by side, in close proximity to each other?
A veritable blizzard, a snowstorm of mean proportions, with the frost so thick in the air that you'd have to cut it with a power saw. Is it because they are so much alike? "Women are much more like each other than men: they have in truth, but two passions - vanity and love; these are their universal characteristics." So said Philip Dormer Stanhope, Earl of Chesterfield.
It has always been said that women don't really like each other, and we have all seen this manifested more than once, and before you fly off and shout chauvinism, there is empirical evidence to back this up. So frequently I have heard women say that they hate to work with other women, and the worst fate that they could have is a woman as a boss. Conversely, many men do not mind working with women, and have no trouble having a woman as their boss.
Personally, throughout my professional life, I have always had a preference for working with women, but not so most women, who simply abhor it. And truth be told, history has proven this, as so many women have been the undoing of other women, all because of rivalry and jealousy. This dislike of each other even goes as far as mothers and daughters, as in some cultures, mothers actually drown their daughters all because of the belief, or fact, that girl babies are not as in demand as their male counterparts.
This was corroborated by this documentary that I saw recently that highlighted the child-selling trade in China. Yes, there is a huge child-selling trade in China, where thousands of babies and small children are bought and sold. This is fuelled by China's one-child per family policy. So, if by chance a couple secretly has a second child, they quickly sell it to avoid paying the huge fine, which can wipe them out financially.
On the other hand, childless couples are always willing to buy, so the basic law of supply and demand holds true. But what was also brought out in the documentary was the high price paid for boys and the much lower price paid for girl babies. As the commentary said, "Girl babies are of a low premium and worse, if she is ugly, you can't even give her away."
So sadly, mothers will resort to abandoning or drowning their infant daughters. But even here in Jamaica I discovered that there are many cases of mothers and daughters hating each other. I learnt this from many of my female friends who regaled me with horror stories of what went on between them and their mothers. The incidents were frequent, and I must say surprising to me.
"If I told you the nasty words that my mother tell me all the time, you'd be shocked," one told me, while another said, "It's like she's in competition with me and never gives me any encouragement, all she does is put me down." And, "We don't speak for many years now and she never even came to my wedding."
Do women really hate women, and why? A very interesting poll conducted in the USA showed that the majority of voters who supported Sarah Palin, the running mate of Senator John McCain, are men. Yes, men. You'd think that because she's a woman, more women would be drawn to her, but no, as it's more men than women who say that they will vote for her.
Why do women dislike other women so? Perhaps it's because of competition, as they have to vie for the attention and affection of men, and as we all know, available men are in short supply. So perhaps, because of this ingrained 'choose me' competitive gene, women just get catty towards each other. Why else would a woman throw acid on another, in order to disfigure her, all because she suspects her of seeing her man? Fortunately, that horrific practice has basically stopped.
This dislike manifests itself with teenage girls and their mothers who very often simply can't stand each other. Who among you can deny that the most friction occurs when a daughter hits those years of puberty? That's when the sparks fly and mother and daughter are at loggerheads. "So, yu think say yu is big woman now? Well, is one woman in this house, me."
"You're just jealous because I'm younger and prettier than you, that's all."
Perhaps it's justified too, as in many cases, daughters have been known to vie for the affection of their stepfathers and even steal them from under the noses of their mothers. "Every man I bring home de likkle pickney deh wid dem," this mother cried to me, having lost her man to her 17-year-old daughter. I have also seen mothers call police to restrain their daughters who were out of control, and put fight to them constantly.
Even the fact that women can describe other women in unflattering ways is a sign of their competitiveness. Recently, some ladies asked some guys to describe a man to them. "Was he cute, handsome, dashing?" they queried. "Hold on now, man can't tell if other man is dem tings. Ask if him tall, big or rough, but not dem tings, as man can't know if man handsome or not," the men responded.
The women seemed surprised, for they could easily describe another woman as being pretty, cute, sexy or not. That's because of the competitive genes that they are blessed with. They have to do a rapid computer-like analysis to assess the competition. In a flash her bionic eyes will send signals to the neurons and microchips in her brain to determine if that other woman is a threat to her.
Instantly it's, "She's tall, pretty, cute, has nice legs, big bright eyes, nice weight, lovely hair.. damn witch, I can't stand her." All this and she doesn't even know the woman, but she sees her as a threat, so instantly hates her. Haven't you seen how women will just look on another woman, like a beauty contestant or so, and express absolute hatred?
Maybe that's why pretty women do not hang out together, or bond as tightly as men. Have you ever heard the term, female bonding? I didn't think so. Oh, women will go out together, girls' night out and all that, but this deep bredrin-type bonding that the men have is just not there. Just check out which is stronger, boys' schools old students' reunions, or girls' schools past students' reunions. It's no contest, as after they leave school, most girls don't ever want to see each other again.
Check out the strong old boys' fervour of schools like Kingston College, and to a lesser degree Calabar, Wolmer's, Munroe and Cornwall, and then try to name any girls' school that has a consistently strong past students' chapter. Even female roommates fall out after a while, and in most cases it's over a man. As long as they are both single it's okay, but as soon as a man enters the picture, the equation changes and the friendship mash up.
Women on women can be so harsh, and I marvel at what women will say about other women behind their backs. Even our female newscasters do not escape, as I have witnessed and heard so often, the snide, catty remarks that other women make when they appear on TV. It matters not what devastating news she may be reading, as all that's important to the female viewer is how her hair looks, or what clothes she's wearing.
But it's when the age gap is huge that the claws really come out. Just let a woman see a younger woman talking to her man and see how instantly the hatred flies to the fore. It could merely be an innocent gesture on the young girl's part, but the fact that she's younger and prettier is anathema to the older one. Well, if mothers can feel that way about their own daughters, just imagine what complete strangers can feel - instant hatred.
It's all about the competition, and that's why women spend so much time before mirrors, preening and trying to turn back the hands of time. "Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest of them all?" They simply have to look better than the other women at all costs. Put them together in one working or social environment and watch the sparks fly. Devious, snide, catty, sneaky are but some of the words used to describe each other.
They say it's a dog-eat-dog world, but perhaps they meant female dogs. For true, all men may be dogs, but they move in packs and bond. I thank my female friends, Barbara, Sheree, and Vickie for supplying me with the background information.
More time.
[email protected]
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