30+ years of friendship

[Jazz]

If you have friend for over 30 years and in your mind thsi is your do or die friend - somebody you would tell about the body...

and then that friend does something to betray you / the friendship...

Does that mean that the friendship was never a true one? or dis person just took a turn for the worse?

[Fyah]

Re: 30+ years of friendship

I think that if that "friend" has not done anything in 30+ years to hurt me and/or to threaten our friendship, then it is an isolated situation and should not be used as a measure for the friendship over the years.

Would I continue being friends? Well, it depends on the severity of the betrayal.

[Nylah]

Re: 30+ years of friendship


~heavy sigh~

My (ex) best friend and I had been friends since we were in diapers together until I was in my 30s. She betrayed me and I cut her loose. It wasnt easy but I had to face the fact that because we had been friends for so long it didnt mean that we should have been friends. We grew into very different people and I had other friends tell me that they cant see why her and me hung out so much.

In my case, it was the realization that what everyone else could see about her I couldnt see abut her because I loved her and thought she was my do or die friend...I had to face that she had put a knife in my back other times before but I wasnt willing to accept it as such.

So I guess it depends on the type of betrayal too. Some actions are done out of frustration over other issues in a person's life that has nothing to do with you. And other actions are intensely personal that you have to accept that it is totally about you and that person's feelings towards you.

[Jazz]

Re: 30+ years of friendship

Sprintah ah hear yuh - mi nuh tek friendship lightly and therefore it is not easy for me to cut a friendship either...My friendships have been cultivated over years and when you have to question a friends actions - it jus leave abitter taste in your mouth.

Sunshine... suppose the action isn;t motivated by malicious feelings towards you per se - but more a lack of disregard for your feelings as long as dem get dem satisfaction??
and from someone you think would watch your back so to speak...

[Nylah]

Re: 30+ years of friendship


Let me continue to play devil's advocate today

If it was a total disregard to your feelings how is that not personal. I can do some bone headed things or say some knuckle-headed things too but the second I realized I have hurt you, I would be apologizing and trying to undo - if possible - what I had done to hurt you. That's if I really have your back.

If even after you point out that you are hurt by my actions, I continue to act indifferent to that fact - that is kinda [blank] [blank] reaction to my so-called best friend???

[Jazz]

Re: 30+ years of friendship

so you would just put them to the side (so to speak)
bway - it tough...

how you bring dis person around yuh family with confidence now? cause I am very protective abtou who mi tek roun mi fambly - it jus open up all sorts of tings inna mi mine cho!

[Nylah]

Re: 30+ years of friendship


Jazz, to be straight up - I cried and cried for weeks because that was no kind of easy decision. We had baby pictures together..went to university together....spent Christmas and other holidays at each other's houses...

for me it was a light bulb moment and I just couldnt ignore what was in front of me. It was like I had no choice because I would be an idiot to not accept what was in front of me.

Now, since I dont know the details of what transpired with you and your friend it is hard to gauge. But you seem like a compassionate and reasonable woman, so for you to even question what you should do, gives me the impression that you know in your heart already what the answer is because that isnt a decision you would make lightly....

[Jazz]

Re: 30+ years of friendship

((((Sunshine)))))

so what did you do? did youjust tell her that the friendship was over (like a break up) or did you kinda just gradually back her off??

How did she react? was it hard? did she ask for ean explanation? did you guys talk abtuo it at length?

[Nylah]

Re: 30+ years of friendship


I just said I was done with our friendship and that was all I would get into. At the time, I was so hurt that I would have started throwing punches if we continued to talk about it So that is specific to what went down between the 2 of us.

She got REALLY defensive with me because she knew I caught her in something. Funny thing is she said she didnt know what my problem was but managed in the same breath to call everyone else a liar

She tried calling once at work pretending that everything was good and I said to her "not this time. I wont let you back in." She started cussing me, so her reaction just cemented my choice.... I just hung up and that was then end. I did go cry in the bathroom and then returend back to my desk

You know, I had someone I really cared about and whose friendship I cherished, get really [censored] at me this summer. I didnt agree with what they were so upset about was worth getting that upset about but being right was not as important as keeping this person's friendship. I said sorry and did penance to make things right.

So, this is why I question why your friend really has your best interest at heart if she can disregard your feelings like that.

[Jazz]

Re: 30+ years of friendship

DOn;t u feel like u need some closure? to let her know how u felt? and why it hurt you?

I am the same way as you about friendships... I will tell a friend my honest opinion about something - but if they choose to do the opposite mi still going to support them with all my heart - thats what I think friendship is all about...

[Nylah]

Re: 30+ years of friendship



I dont know how to explain it Jazz without a tone of details but my closure was facing what she did to me. My problem was that I would want to talk everything to death with her when she did uncool things but it never seemed to matter. She would just repeat what I said to her to our other mutual friends. I'd confront her on that and she would say sorry but it didnt stop the next time she would do the same.

So, the last time, I was just done. Something broke inside and I felt no obligation. She knew she hurt me because she drove our mutual friends crazy with it.

She showed not an ounce of care for my feelings, etc. and I decided I need to stop being concerned for hers. Maybe with someone else I would need the closure but this felt different. She was toxic in many ways, so I just needed to walk away. I dont regret it with her. If it was someone else perhaps I would.

I think the irony is because we knew each other for so long, many things were understood unspoken between us.

You either say your peace to convey what you feel to another in hopes that they "get" it or you say your peace to just to get something off your chest but for your own peace of mind.

Do you feel you need to say your peace to your friend before you can move on? Do you think she will be accepting of what you say even if she disagrees? If she disregarded your feelings already, do you feel it will matter to her what you explain is wrong? If she apologizes now, can you forgive her and continue with the friendship? Or is that impossible to do even with an apology?

okay. I need to go do some work for a bit and stop iggling all over the net

[julie*mango]

Re: 30+ years of friendship

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Jazz_Obama</div><div class="ubbcode-body">If you have friend for over 30 years and in your mind thsi is your do or die friend - somebody you would tell about the body...

and then that friend does something to betray you / the friendship...

Does that mean that the friendship was never a true one? or dis person just took a turn for the worse? </div></div>

ppl change...

[LiteBlonde]

Re: 30+ years of friendship

I agree, people change and there is nothing you can do about it. The problem/disappointment come in only when you weren't prepared for the metamorphosis of some friends.

I think say that people's action always sends a signal of warning and it is up to us, the recipients, to heed that warning. Too many of us draw from the history pages and end up getting hurt by friends who have in present time morphed into liars, thiefs, jealous fanatics and murderers of the soul and know you will still be around because you all have history. They know just how to be effective of digging out your eyes them too, because them are the ones closest to you.

All because you cherish and respect true friendship, no mean that people round you do. They will take a yard when you give an inch, so cut her loose, is what I say, before it is too late.

[Nylah]

Re: 30+ years of friendship



<span style="font-weight: bold">, jealous fanatics and murderers of the soul and know you will still be around because you all have history. </span>

here here

[Yvonne N.]

Re: 30+ years of friendship

Seasons...