Remarriage and Step-parenting

[DebsinNY]

I don't know how many of you remember me but I have posted here a few times while I was going through the divorce with my ex husband. I have moved past that phase of my life and I am trying to keep positive for our son.

Since June of this year I have been involved with a man who I use to date many years ago. I met him one summer in Jamaica and we dated for a little under a year and a half. Because of the distance between us our relationship eventually dissolved.

I was surprised to get an email from him 2 years ago saying that he was now living in the US. I spoke to him on the phone a few times but limited contact with him because I was still married at the time.

Anyway, we realized that we still had feelings for each other and we want to make things work between us. I have a son and he has 2 children back in Jamaica but he is filing for them.

My question is to those of you who have been remarried, how did you make it work, especially with the stepchildren? I am afraid that his kids will not accept me or bond with my son as well as they have with each other. And I am afraid that our kids will eventually come in the way of a healthy relationship, particularly where our exes are concerned.

[Nylah]

Re: Remarriage and Step-parenting



have either him or his kid's give you reason to think that you will have difficulty bonding as a family?

[DebsinNY]

Re: Remarriage and Step-parenting

Well, both his girls are very close and they can be possessive of their father. Just like my son can be possessive of me. He did not even like it when his father used to touch me.

[diabolical_Tanya]

Re: Remarriage and Step-parenting

What age of kids you talking?

and also glad to hear things are looking up for you

[DebsinNY]

Re: Remarriage and Step-parenting

Thank you Tanya.

My son is going on 5 years old and his girls are 11 ad 9.

[kia027]

Re: Remarriage and Step-parenting

i think you will have to earn their trust just as your boyfriend will have to earn the trust & respect of your little one.

what all the children should do however is always be respectful to the men/women of their parents.

glad to hear things are looking up. do you have a ring & a wedding date?

[DebsinNY]

Re: Remarriage and Step-parenting

Oh no! lol. It is still too soon for all of that. It is just something we have been talking about and it is on my mind constantly. If things go smoothly we hope to get married one day but right now we are just taking things slowly.

[kia027]

Re: Remarriage and Step-parenting

ohhh so you are planning ahead then-- which is a good thing.. Barnes & Noble has some good books about step parenting & blended families & dem tings dere.. have you checked them out yet?

[DebsinNY]

Re: Remarriage and Step-parenting

No I haven't been to the bookstore yet. Maybe I should make a stop there this weekend.

[Jazz]

Re: Remarriage and Step-parenting

I think it will be easier for your son being younger to accept your partner... the older kids will be harder to win over... esp. if they have been "daddy's girls" and now view you as competition for his affections... thaT MAY BE excaserbated (sp) if their mom is still in their lives...

Good luck!

[Nylah]

Re: Remarriage and Step-parenting


You will definitely have some rough spots with his kids being daddy's girls but I dont think this has to doom your relationship.

If you know ahead of time that they might feel possessive on occassion, you can prepare for it. You two should talk that out and decide ahead of time how you BOTH will deal with certain challenges. Set ground rules for what you will tolerate in terms of the girl's behavior towards you. And have him in agreement, so that when any issues arise you are both already on the same page and emotions wont cloud either of your judgements.

I think because you are looking into the future and trying to anticipate any issues and you are doing it with a clear head, that you will be just fine.

[julie*mango]

Re: Remarriage and Step-parenting

What everyone else said...

btw ur son is cute How him daddy and yu ex in laws?

[DebsinNY]

Re: Remarriage and Step-parenting

Thank you. I see my ex and his family every now and then. Nothing has changed. I still can't stand them.

[jade01]

Re: Remarriage and Step-parenting

i was wondering if its possible for the kids to go out with both of you guys at the same time like maybe the movies or to the park or on seperate occasions either of you could take all three kids out togather, might take time but they need to get used to you and be able to trust you or maybe get to know/bond with you being a daddy's girl i kinda understand the jelousy thing that goes on with girls and their dads

[MarieK]

Re: Remarriage and Step-parenting

mi cyaan badda read sumuch tings,

juss ansa dem basic question yah

how long now u an di ex break up

did u date anyone else inbetween

ghow long u wait fi carry new man fi meet pickney

how sure r u dat dis is who udef wanna be wid (nuh feel bad bout dis nuff a wi have met THE ONE nuff times an is not di same person )

how does your ex treat his son