DIVORCE in a Non abusive relation - Is it ever good idea stay together for the kids

[franksterr]

According to Dr. Robert Emery, researcher, professor, and author of The Truth about Children and Divorce, children do better after separation from a high-conflict marriage but do worse after separation when their parents’ marriage was low-conflict. Children are perceptive enough to notice a toxic environment but are confused when parents seem to split for no apparent reason. Dr. Emery strongly believes that no parents should stay together or divorce “for the children’s sake.” He argues that parents need to take responsibility for their decisions and not have children “bear the guilt of your misery.” Some parents may decide they can tolerate some unhappiness and coexist civilly. Many couples benefit from counseling and can discover new ways to appreciate one another.
Most parenting experts suggest using divorce as a last resort. Couples should talk and be realistic about their expectations. Relationships change over time. New responsibilities and life events bring stress and a need for readjustment. Before separating, couples should remind themselves of why they got together in the first place. Ask yourself questions about your partner. Is he or she a good parent? Can you find a way to stay together and parent amicably?
http://www.theexaminernews.com/shoul...heir-children/

[My Looh]

No matter if it is a non abusive relationship, we are setting the example of what marriage is suppose to be for our kids. If they grow up in a home where the husband and wife are distant and cold toward each other, that is the way children will perceive what a normal marriage is to be and will take that baggage into their own relationships as adults.

I believe it is never OK to stay together for the kids.

[Xavier]

No matter if it is a non abusive relationship, we are setting the example of what marriage is suppose to be for our kids. If they grow up in a home where the husband and wife are distant and cold toward each other, that is the way children will perceive what a normal marriage is to be and will take that baggage into their own relationships as adults.

I believe it is never OK to stay together for the kids.

Great points. Children emulate what they see. I do know some couples that stayed together and "pretended" well until the kids were adults. In some cases they seems to have a healthy life but the majority had relationship issues.

[blugiant]

No matter if it is a non abusive relationship, we are setting the example of what marriage is suppose to be for our kids. If they grow up in a home where the husband and wife are distant and cold toward each other, that is the way children will perceive what a normal marriage is to be and will take that baggage into their own relationships as adults.

I believe it is never OK to stay together for the kids.

wat marriage iss supposed fe be iss parsanal

itt more bout iff bout parents can wukk inn da best interest aff dem yuths

[franksterr]

No matter if it is a non abusive relationship, we are setting the example of what marriage is suppose to be for our kids.

Because most people confuse and conflate the words LOVE and Romance.....I prefer to use romance. Truth be told LOVE has little to do with most Marriages

Is Marriage supposed to be a Romantic relationship or a stable environment for kids?

What about the vow most people make in the marriage contract that says " For better for Worse.......till death do us part" what are you teaching your kids about commitment or keeping your word. Or is all that just antiquated virtues no longer relevant in todays world.

Isn't it just a little bit selfish to divorce, because the romance has departed from your relationship? - you and your partner are no longer......IN LOVE.

If they grow up in a home where the husband and wife are distant and cold toward each other, that is the way children will perceive what a normal marriage is to be and will take that baggage into their own relationships as adults.

I believe it is never OK to stay together for the kids.

Maybe by staying together in a non-abusive relationship you are teaching that it not just about you when you have Kids but about us - the Family.

[twiney]

Because most people confuse and conflate the words LOVE and Romance.....I prefer to use romance. Truth be told LOVE has little to do with most Marriages

Is Marriage supposed to be a Romantic relationship or a stable environment for kids?

What about the vow most people make in the marriage contract that says " For better for Worse.......till death do us part" what are you teaching your kids about commitment or keeping your word. Or is all that just antiquated virtues no longer relevant in todays world.

Isn't it just a little bit selfish to divorce, because the romance has departed from your relationship? - you and your partner are no longer......IN LOVE.




Maybe by staying together in a non-abusive relationship you are teaching that it not just about you when you have Kids but about us - the Family.

What you and Blu say ... it is personal but for some people they just give up too easily.

[franksterr]

Great points. Children emulate what they see. I do know some couples that stayed together and "pretended" well until the kids were adults. In some cases they seems to have a healthy life but the majority had relationship issues.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8OUK_BrA10

The paper, produced by a team of senior academics, found that the damage caused to a child by divorce continues to blight his or her life as far as old age.

It said parental separation in childhood was ‘consistently associated with psychological distress in adulthood during people’s early 30s’.

The report added: ‘This seems to be true even across different generations, which suggests that as divorce and separation have become more common, their impact on mental health has not reduced.’

It comes a week after figures were published showing that almost half of all children have now seen their parents break up by the time they are 15.

The report said that good health depends on lifestyle conditions that it termed ‘social medicines’. Key among these is a stable family background.


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...#ixzz35boo6JvP
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook


There are two sides to citizenship: fulfillment of citizenship duties and its opposite: failure and abandonment of citizenship duties. The negative aspect, the failure and abandonment aspect of citizenship, is more widely available in studies of the effects of divorce, and can be seen in crime, abuse and neglect and drug taking behaviors.
Divorce significantly affects the rate of crime, as the following data from Wisconsin dramatically illustrates.[136]
Different research studies confirm the general outline of this Wisconsin data. Children of divorced parents are significantly more likely to be delinquent by age fifteen, regardless of when the divorce took place, that are children of intact families.[137] Adolescents from “always-single-mother” families are consistently more likely to delinquent than those from intact families, though the same holds for children from intact conflict ridden families.[138] One 1985 study tracked one thousand families with children aged six to eighteen for six years and found that those children living in intact married families exhibited the least delinquency, while children with stepfathers had the greatest risk of the most disruptive behavior. (In this study single-parent children fell in between.) [139] In Britain, in a longitudinal study of males aged eight to thirty-two, Professor David P. Farrington, professor of criminology at Cambridge University found that the divorce of parents before the children were aged ten was one of the major predictors of adolescent delinquency and adult criminality.[140] An earlier review of the literature on the relationship between family background and crime indicates how the mixture of hostility and peer rejection can shepherd children towards other similarly hostile children and pave the way towards delinquency and crime. [141] Divorce puts many of these family conditions in place. A recent Australian parliamentary review of the literature came to the same conclusion.[142]
These findings are not confined to boys. Girls are not immune to these effects, and among adolescent girls there is a strong correlation between family structure, delinquency,[143] hostile behavior,[144] drug use, larceny, skipping school,[145] and alcohol abuse.[146]

http://worldcongress.org/wcf2_spkrs/wcf2_fagan.htm

[DearK]

Because most people confuse and conflate the words LOVE and Romance.....I prefer to use romance. Truth be told LOVE has little to do with most Marriages

Is Marriage supposed to be a Romantic relationship or a stable environment for kids?

What about the vow most people make in the marriage contract that says " For better for Worse.......till death do us part" what are you teaching your kids about commitment or keeping your word. Or is all that just antiquated virtues no longer relevant in todays world.

Isn't it just a little bit selfish to divorce, because the romance has departed from your relationship? - you and your partner are no longer......IN LOVE.




Maybe by staying together in a non-abusive relationship you are teaching that it not just about you when you have Kids but about us - the Family.

There is a family responsibility, but there is also self care. Why should a parent suspend their prospect of being in a relationship with mutual love, and sacrifice that 'for the sake of the children'? Isnt it possible to be responsible and loving parents, apart from the marriage, and honestly relaying this to the children? Seems unfair to parents.

[DearK]

wat marriage iss supposed fe be iss parsanal

itt more bout iff bout parents can wukk inn da best interest aff dem yuths

And demonstrate what good happy relationships/marriages should look like too. Not just tortured self sacrifice to make the kids happy- keep family together @ all costs.

[DearK]

What you and Blu say ... it is personal but for some people they just give up too easily.

This is true too- its not easy and there are natural ( and sometimes not so) waves to a marriage! Some dont hang in there. So so true.

[Peasie]

Some marriages end when the children are young. Sometimes the marriage ends in divorce. Sometimes the marriage ends in the death of a spouse.

In the case of divorce, two well-adjusted (i.e. possess a mature outlook on life) adults can make their children's welfare their priority and still maintain their personal happiness, even if it means delaying that happiness for the benefit of the children. Unfortunately there is a dearth of well-adjusted adults in some societies, Jamaican included.

[Xavier]

Once you have children your priorities change. It may be tough to stay together for the sake of the children but some have made the sacrifice for the childrens stability. Divorce is too easy today. People view marriages at contracts they can easily break and not a personal commitment.

[franksterr]

There is a family responsibility, but there is also self care. Why should a parent suspend their prospect of being in a relationship with mutual love,

It is my opinion that when you make the decision to have children, their welfare will take precedent until they come of age.

and sacrifice that 'for the sake of the children'? Isnt it possible to be responsible and loving parents, apart from the marriage, and honestly relaying this to the children? Seems unfair to parents.

It becomes immensely more difficult once you divorce and separate......often times one of the greatest thing a parent can do for a child is just - BEING THERE.

The unwillingness of the parents to sacrifice means the child will be force to make the sacrifice, it may well have a negative impact on the child's life and maybe seen by the child as a form of - ABANDONMENT

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

[Wahalla]

Once you have children your priorities change. It may be tough to stay together for the sake of the children but some have made the sacrifice for the childrens stability. Divorce is too easy today. People view marriages at contracts they can easily break and not a personal commitment.

100% on point....