Power of Attorney

[BoundBrook]

So my Mom sent out a very lengthy e-mail asking my sisters and I to get together and figure out what roles we want to play in her Living Will. Who will be sure her medical wishes are carried out? Who will work to divide the Estate? What will be sold as part of the estate and what items do we want. My mother has been an antique dealer for her entire life, she has numerous collections that will need to be sorted through, etc...

I understand the need to take care of this sort of thing and I commend her for trying to ease the burden on us once she is gone.

Still, it is the most uncomfortable conversation I have ever had to have. To make matters worse my sisters want me to be in charge of the medical part, saying that none of them could make the decision to remove life support.

Have any of you been in similar situations?

[BrightStar]

Re: Power of Attorney

Personally I think your mom is doing the right thing, to talk with the family and make her wishes known. It's a very delicate and hard decision if proxy's/power of attorney's are not in place. I went through this twice, both of my parents There's never an easy way, just to follow your mom's wishes.The medical portion is the most important part.. clarify with her in specific terms her wants and what she doesn't want. Take a deep a breath and ask her. Everyone should know what their spouse, parents, children would want for themselves in the event they couldn't speak for themselves.

[Bandana]

Re: Power of Attorney

Boundbrook


I can imagine how you are feeling

I agree it is good that she is preparing. Amazing what grief can do to a family, and making decisions in grief can make things twice as hard. Abide by her wishes, if you must be responsible for the medical portion, stay strong, and no matter what decisions you have to face, keep comfort in the fact that it is what your mother wanted for herself.

My Mother did not have any kind of will, and so it was left to "us" to decide what to do and how to pay...

It was many years before she even had a headstone

Better to have the difficult conversation before the pain, than after.


btw: miss you round the place

[ILP]

Re: Power of Attorney

(((Bungbrook)))
My family went through this situation back in '99 when my cousin collapsed.
She was in her 30's which made the situation worse, as no one was expecting her sudden demise.
The young folks wanted her off of life support. The old folks wanted to keep her on.
The young folks wanted to donate her organs. The old folks wanted ALL of her to be buried.
My cousin was very forward in her thinking and even though everyone in my family knew her wishes...everyone argued back and forth because nothing was in writing.
I commend your mom for wanting to handle this while she is alive and cogent.

Trust that when the event comes...you'll be glad your mom loved you enough to do this beforehand.

[SistahD]

Re: Power of Attorney

How true ((ILP))

(((BB))) my family is going through this right now - I have 6 older brothers, and helped my mom write her will a few years ago when her health was precarious. At that time (she always bounces back) we convinced one of the middle brothers to assume role of financial POA... and in the past year since her health is failing again asked the same brother to assume role of health POA as well.

Big responsibility and time commitment as it turns out, but some of us help where we can and when he needs assistance. In both cases he keeps us up to date on issues, and we all contribute our views and opinions with respect especially to the health issues, but he has the ultimate decision. At the moment, fortunately my mom still has enough of her faculties to express her opinion as well. Overall, we consider the options based on the opinions of the specialists and my mom's wishes, and stand by my brother where necessary.

[Suesumba]

Re: Power of Attorney

dying is a part of living unfortunately.

[BoundBrook]

Re: Power of Attorney

I feel/know that you guys are right. I read <span style="font-style: italic">Tuesdays with Morrie</span> a few years ago and it addressed how our society views death, and mostly, their fear of it.

I hate to feel this was, so uncomfortable, about the topic.

[tsophra]

Re: Power of Attorney

went through the medical part with my Mom not too long ago..I was lucky because we had a great doctor..but dat medical thing is a must..and even when yu tink you're clear on what the person in question wants..for example..DNR/DNI..there are still things that need to be spelled out further..

[DearK]

Re: Power of Attorney

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: BoundBrook</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I feel/know that you guys are right. I read <span style="font-style: italic">Tuesdays with Morrie</span> a few years ago and it addressed how our society views death, and mostly, their fear of it.

I hate to feel this was, so uncomfortable, about the topic. </div></div>

(((Boundy))) It is uncomfortable, but think of the alternative- being faced with these difficult decisions under the stress of an emergency, AND not knowing what your mother's wishes would have been.

How's her attitude about this process? How did she raise the topic?