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Sure you love your man. And you fully understand that a woman can never, and shouldn't ever try, to get a total metamorphosis out of her guy. But with any rough lump of clay, a little shaping here and there won't hurt. And like a coach who wants to see her team being victorious, we women can urge our men to become better - whether it's at sex, as communicators, as parents or style-wise. The ultimate goal, of course, is to guide him towards being better in the areas where he falls short, so he can be a better complement for you.
So is the boyfriend a belching, merino-wearing slob? Does he have worse manners than a two-year-old? Is he still stuck in the slam, bam mode of loving? Do you love him anyway, but need him to change just a little? We're here to help. Here are some subtle things you can try to make your man better without changing much of who he is.
<span style="font-weight: bold">Help him improve his fertility</span>
Because men are often so busy trying to be the provider for their families, they sometimes neglect their bodies. And when it comes to things like fertility, many believe that they need not take any precautions, not realising that there are some things that can harm them, and some steps they can take to protect or enhance their fertility.
Professor Horace Fletcher, head of the gynaecology department at the University Hospital of the West Indies, said men need at least 20 million sperms per millilitre in order to get a woman pregnant. Below this, they will not get the job done.
"We have tested men who have had zero sperm count, so you can just imagine!" Professor Fletcher said.
He said women can help their partners to improve their fertility rate by encouraging them to avoid heat; not to wear tight underwear as the testicles need to hang and be free from heat; cut down or stop smoking, stop drinking excessive alcohol and sticking to one faithful sex partner.
"In Jamaica, the most common cause of infertility is smoking, and for us, it's ganja smoking," Professor Fletcher said. "This is followed by infections in the testicles or in the prostate." He named one of the most common infections as Chlamydia which usually shows no symptoms in men but can cause damage to sperm cells.
The doctor explained that men who drive Leyland trucks who have to sit above the engine and men who work in bakeries and foundries, are at a high risk of infertility because of the amount of heat their testicles are exposed to.
Apart from encouraging them to give up bad habits like smoking and drinking, Professor Fletcher said women can also seek to keep their partners sexually satisfied at home so they will be less likely to seek sex outside the union, which often leads to an infection which goes untreated and can affect fertility.
<span style="font-weight: bold">Simple tips for grooming your man</span>
'Go easy on him, remember he did not learn bad habits overnight so he will not be changing in a day or two...'
Before you even begin to think about revamping your partner's wardrobe and the like, you first have to perform some basic grooming in the areas of eyebrows, nails, hair and choice of cologne - areas that men sometimes ignore. Here are some simple ways you can help him.
<span style="font-weight: bold">Eyebrows</span>
There are men who suffer from the infamous unibrow - when two eyebrows appear as one because of a continuous bridge of hair or from brows that are unruly.
"If men have excessive eyebrows, I would recommend that they wax or pluck out a few of the hairs to make it neat, but not too much for them to have the appearance of a woman," Stacy-Ann Bent, cosmetologist at Stacy's House of Beauty on Burke Road in Spanish Town said.
She said vertical lines shaved in the brows are not necessary and detracts from a man's masculine appearance.
After the initial waxing of the brows, you, as the partner, can help him at home by plucking the hairs as they grow back with a pair of tweezers. Whatever you do, do not shave his eyebrows. Not only will the hair grow back faster and thicker, it will also be pretty obvious that you took a razor to them. Plucking or waxing is the way to go, Bent said.
<span style="font-weight: bold">Nails</span>
If he is a nail biter, encourage him to stop immediately. Long fingernails on men are equally disturbing, so strike a balance. Give him or encourage him to get a professional manicure once per month.
"There is nothing wrong with this and it makes them appear more refined instead of having a scruffy appearance," Bent said.
<span style="font-weight: bold">Hair</span>
Different men like different looks. Some will opt for a clean shave, some low cuts, others cornrows or dreadlocks, all of which, if groomed properly, can fit into both a casual or a formal setting.
"If a man wears long afro and wishes to attend a formal occasion, he can corn-row his hair backwards," Bent said. "Twists are not suitable for such occasions but would work well in casual settings."
<span style="font-weight: bold">Improve his performance in bed</span>
Your partner's a real sweetheart, he's kind, thoughtful, makes you feel really special. there's just one problem, when it comes to fully satisfying you in bed he falls short in that department - real short.
But with all the other qualities, he's worth the effort and time it will take to ensure he comes up to par in that area. Here are some simple things you can encourage him to do which will see him becoming more of the lover in bed you want him to be.
<span style="font-weight: bold">1. Exercise</span>. Encourage him to take up this healthy habit. He doesn't have to be a fitness freak, but half hour every day, just walking or riding can do wonders for his libido and make that difference in bed for you too.
<span style="font-weight: bold">2. Quit bad habits.</span> Smoking and rum drinking are not social practices you should allow him to make a habit of. They might make him feel good at the time but later on it will cost you when it matters most.
<span style="font-weight: bold">3. Try some roots wine.</span> If all else fails, you can always take the advice of some males who swear by the various roots wines on the market which allegedly have aphrodisiac qualities.
<span style="font-weight: bold">4. Take it slow and easy.</span> One sure way to improve his performance is to encourage him to take things slow. You can help by prolonging the foreplay session, taking time out to please him and then giving him the chance to do the same to you.
<span style="font-weight: bold">5. Communicate.</span> Believe it or not, just opening up about whatever sexual problems you may be in the relationship is always a good way to deal with the sex issue. Make your partner feel comfortable and while cuddling you can suggest ways that he can make it better for you both. Trust us when we say you will have a more enthusiastic partner and a much-improved performance from him.
<span style="font-weight: bold">Ways to improve his health</span>
NO man wants to be looked at as a weakling, especially in front of his woman. For some, the need to maintain this macho image is enough to keep them away from the doctor's office. But if you want to ensure that he sticks around with you to see the grand kids, you have to do your part in helping to improve his health.
<span style="font-weight: bold">So:</span>
<span style="font-weight: bold">1. Start offering more massages.</span> A massage will not only help him to be more relaxed, but it is a good way to diagnose some of his health issues. When you massage his feet for example, squeeze his big toe to gauge his blood circulation. If the toe takes more than five seconds to turn from white to pink, it could mean he is at increased risk for heart problems. So it means it's time to start finding ways to make him lose those extra pounds.
<span style="font-weight: bold">2. Give him a rest day.</span> If you want to improve your man's energy level, then assign him a rest day each week. On these days you have to resign yourself to allowing him to sleep for as long as he likes. So no waking him up in the middle of the day to let him know that the gas is finished or that the neighbours' dog just ran away with little Brittany's doll. When he is well-rested, you'll find that it benefits you both.
<span style="font-weight: bold">3. Give him a good bath</span>. Giving him a bath every now and again is a good way to inspect him for testicular cancer without being so obvious. As an extension to your love-making, run a soapy bath for the two of you and run your hands over his entire length, while at the same time feeling for lumps.
<span style="font-weight: bold">4. Stock up on comedies.</span> A good laugh can give the heart a healthy workout and boosts oxygen flow. Studies have also shown that laughing increases the levels of antibodies needed to ward off bacteria and viruses. So get him to laugh as much as possible.
<span style="font-weight: bold">5. Shock him with statistics.</span> Let him know how many men die from prostate cancer each year. Let him know all the famous people who've died from the disease. Let him know that women have a longer life span than men. Let him know the diseases that are the main killers for men. If he's one of those men who are reluctant, for example, with the 10-second prostate exam, or who refuses to quit smoking, get graphic and he'll listen. Show him stats and pictures and let him see what risks he's taking with his health.
<span style="font-weight: bold">Make him a better father</span>
While a mother starts looking forward to cradling her baby from the day she learns of its existence, for many men it takes a little longer for the idea of fatherhood to sink in. It's important that you help your man to understand the importance of being there for his children. By doing the following, you can help him become the father you envision for your child.
<span style="font-weight: bold">1. Give them time alone.</span> Wonders can happen when fathers are given the space to bond with their children. Your child will also be given the opportunity to confide in his/her father.
<span style="font-weight: bold">2. Share disciplining with him.</span> For a long time, some mothers have relegated the role of disciplining a child to the father. This has only caused some children to develop a hatred for their fathers. By sharing the role of disciplining with him, you will be able to do some damage control.
<span style="font-weight: bold">3. Encourage him to be a role model.</span> Let him know whenever he has said something negative in front of the children or if he is disrespecting you. Help him to maintain a healthy lifestyle, reach his goals and be the best person he can be. By doing so, he can be a better father.
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Rope in the man who thinks chivalry is dead</span>
ONE of the most annoying things in any male/female relationship, is having a man believe that the bra-burning years of women's liberation also meant that women would no longer expect to be treated courteously.
Fast forward several decades, and it's the odd man out who will open a door for a woman, put her on the inside when walking on the streets and ensure that she goes before him so he can watch out for her. And with the shortage of proper suitors out there, many women take the bad behaviour with the man they land, as they feel they can do no better, or that the man is beyond help. But there's no reason why you should stick with a man who's going to let the door slam in your face while he races past you, or who will let you get splashed by a passing car as he seeks to protect himself in the corner.
<span style="font-weight: bold">So:</span>
<span style="font-weight: bold">1. Let him know from the onset of the relationship how you wish to be treated.</span> If you're already 10 years in with a seemingly hopeless male chauvinist, a little gentle guidance along the right path will help.
<span style="font-weight: bold">2. Do counselling sessions or etiquette classes</span> where he is taught the principles of politeness and the value of being proper.
<span style="font-weight: bold">3. Get him to interact with older men,</span> who will point him towards the right direction in treating a lady right.
<span style="font-weight: bold">4. Bribe him</span>. Each day he does something chivalrous, you can give him something in return to make the 'trouble' worth it.
<span style="font-weight: bold">5. Be chivalrous too</span>. Compliment him, be polite towards him and treat him the way you would like to be treated.
<span style="font-weight: bold">Improve a slob</span>
FACE it, nothing drives a woman crazier than living with a man who is a real slob. However, don't allow his minor faults to blind you to his real worth. <span style="font-weight: bold">Here are some surefire ways of helping to convert a total slob</span>.
<span style="font-weight: bold">1. Teach him new habits.</span> Go easy on him, remember he did not learn this bad habit overnight so he will not be changing in a day or two. Everytime he creates a mess, just give him a gentle reminder about cleaning up. No fuss, no arguments, just keep prodding and hopefully it will become instinctive to him.
<span style="font-weight: bold">2. Stop doing things for him.</span> If he leaves his clothes in the chair or in the settee, stop picking up after him. After all, he is not a child. Let him return and find things exactly the way he left them. If he asks about it, let him know he's being a lazy slob and you could do with a break.
<span style="font-weight: bold">3. Give him a taste of his own medicine.</span> Perhaps the best way for you to effectively get your message across is to let him see exactly how his sloppiness affects you. Start leaving your stuff around the place. Imagine him wanting to sit in the couch and finding you left your shoe there when it's too late!
<span style="font-weight: bold">Get a lazy man off his butt</span>
ARE you one of those women whose work is never done? Plus to top it off, you have to deal with a super lazy partner who seems more content to lounge on the settee flicking from one channel to the next, instead of getting up off his lazy butt and giving a helping hand? Time out! <span style="font-weight: bold">Try these:</span>
<span style="font-weight: bold">1. Whatever you do, don't nag</span>. Don't give him another reason to get all stubborn and dig his foot in. Cajole, plead, even appeal to his sense of fair play. That's guaranteed to earn you better results than nagging.
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2. Give compliments.</span> Don't be mean with the compliments. When he goes out of his way to help, don't make a big issue out of it by making a comment like, "Wow, I think it's gonna rain... you actually lifted a finger..." Let him know you appreciate his help and it took a load off you. He will be more inclined to help again.
<span style="font-weight: bold">3. Don't criticise too much.</span> Bear in mind that he is helping and even though he might not be doing things exactly the way you like, don't make a federal case of it. Lay off the criticisms and let him be. Too much of that and you will find yourself without any help in the home.
<span style="font-weight: bold">4. Give good rewards</span>. If you need help with cleaning the house then ensure there's something in it for him. Yes, promise that later on you are going to be especially nice to him when he comes to bed. If that doesn't have him grabbing the broom, then something is seriously wrong in your relationship.
<span style="font-weight: bold">Make over a bad dresser</span>
YOU have a wonderful partner who has everything going for him - except his dressing! Sometimes you are so embarrassed to be seen with him in public that you look the other way. He feels that sneakers and T-shirts are fitting for all occasions, or that bush jacket makes him look businesslike every day of the week, or even that dress pants with long sleeved shirts complete with a gentleman's dress shoes and bobby socks are it - even for that long walk on the beach!
Option? <span style="font-weight: bold">Dress him yourself</span>! Here are some easy ways to go about it.
<span style="font-weight: bold">1. Make the change subtle,</span> one thing at a time. You don't want to change his whole wardrobe all at once.
<span style="font-weight: bold">2. Get him out of the usual</span> 'everyday wear' and buy him one item at a time. Tell him you saw it and he came to mind.
<span style="font-weight: bold">3. Make plans to take him out</span> wearing the shirt, jeans, jacket, whatever it is you bought.
<span style="font-weight: bold">4. Take time out to look through his wardrobe</span> and familiarise yourself with his clothes. This will come in very helpful for the next time you are both going out. You will be able to 'suggest' in a loving way what he can wear, down to footwear.
<span style="font-weight: bold">5. If he wears something you do not approve of, compliment him </span>on how gorgeous his body looks, but say that you feel if he wears 'so and so' it would enhance his features more.
<span style="font-weight: bold">6. When he wears something you like, compliment him </span>on how good and handsome he looks and tell him you would love to see him looking like that more often. Men love to be complimented just as much as women do! If you take it slowly, you will soon have control over his entire wardrobe with powers to throw out the old and bring in the new.
- Donna Hussey- Whyte, Nadine Wilson, Cecelia Campbell- Livingston
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