What kind of a FATHER would up

[Travellah]

Re: What kind of a FATHER would up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DotCom</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: IronMama</div><div class="ubbcode-body">and tun him back on his 3 black boys?
It seems as though when we divorced,he divorced his children too.
I still cant understand this part of the entire thing.
Does anyone man or woman have insight to lend? </div></div>

I hear you but not having him around just might be best for those black boys, just because they have enough to contend with in life.

Allow me to explain. One of my uncles is a deadbeat and if you ask anybody that know him, they will tell you that his kids (broke and fatherless as they are) are better off without them father. He ain't never been to jail or anything like that but the &quot;boy man&quot; have no sense of responsibility.

Him stay away because him SHAME and know that him kids would be shame to call him daddy. Him cannot seem to get it together. From living in one basement to another, him can't hold a job long enough to get a work ID and as soon as it make it spent. Worthless piece of tripe who should not have been blessed with sperm.

Wouldn't you be happy to keep someone like him away from your kids? Think about it. Your kids father is probably hiding from them deliberately for different reasons but one could be because he knows what is best for them. </div></div>

good point Dot

[Travellah]

Re: What kind of a FATHER would up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kia</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DotCom</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: IronMama</div><div class="ubbcode-body">and tun him back on his 3 black boys?
It seems as though when we divorced,he divorced his children too.
I still cant understand this part of the entire thing.
Does anyone man or woman have insight to lend? </div></div>

I hear you but not having him around just might be best for those black boys, just because they have enough to contend with in life.

Allow me to explain. One of my uncles is a deadbeat and if you ask anybody that know him, they will tell you that his kids (broke and fatherless as they are) are better off without them father. He ain't never been to jail or anything like that but the &quot;boy man&quot; have no sense of responsibility.

Him stay away because him SHAME and know that him kids would be shame to call him daddy. Him cannot seem to get it together. From living in one basement to another, him can't hold a job long enough to get a work ID and as soon as it make it spent. Worthless piece of tripe who should not have been blessed with sperm.

Wouldn't you be happy to keep someone like him away from your kids? Think about it. Your kids father is probably hiding from them deliberately for different reasons but one could be because he knows what is best for them. </div></div>

could your uncle have adult adhd? has he ever examined why his behavior is that way (professionally examined that is) </div></div>

u know kIA i ASK the judge to have this man assessed for personality disorder called narcissism or sociopath as only people who are one of these behave the way he is.
I tell you one thing, he wont be able to see these kids until him go through some kinda counselling, not afta what he's done to them poor little minds.

[Travellah]

Re: What kind of a FATHER would up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: missus_vegas</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: IronMama</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: applepie</div><div class="ubbcode-body">some times people stay away because they cannot deal with the drama/confrontation.(not stating that this is your case) </div></div>

i hear you applepie but no drama here in that sense of the word. I feel as though its because he has to pay the amount he has to, afta him tried so hard to deceive the court bout him income.
Anyhow. </div></div>

he is not angry at the kids he is angry at you. is the money weh him affi falk out a badda him.

i am no expert at this stuff... but have you thought about having the boys call him just to chat????maybe dat will soften him up and make him want o spend time wid dem. </div></div>

funny enough missus, he dropped his kids like hot potato..pretend as if they dont exist....stop picking them up for movies and dinner etc..like he used to in the early part of the proceedings....then just recently began calling wi yard. Now, the boys says they do not want to speak to him....( 1 is almost 10 and the other is almost 15..then there is the baby who is 2 years old)..i dont know what else to do...I encourage them to speak to him but I cant say I force them cause I dont.

[LiteBlonde]

Re: What kind of a FATHER would up

IronMama, just do the best that you can for those kids.

If you are a praying woman, pray for that man because whatever blessings him get will eventually pass down to the children.

Sometimes, the worthless women they pick up after they leave are the reason for their behavior. Me know of some women who encourage men to act a fool by telling them that them normal and everybody else is abnormal, even the kids.

Leave him right there where him is, because him don't deserve you or your children in him current state of mind.

Encourage your 15 year old to find a summer job and you all try to make it without him. I know it's hard, but many of us have been through it and we plow along. Just stay strong for the children and God WILL bless you.

IronMama.

[britisha]

Re: What kind of a FATHER would up

What kind of father?

The sperm donors can and will...the world is teeming with them; globally. It is not only in the West..and it affects every race.colour.creed and financial standing...read where one professional owed hommuch touzands in child support.. six figs

Fatherhood comprises more than donating sperm, it encompasses LOVE, responsibility and a trillion more variables for a man to be a real Dad. So your ex is not alone; and you are NOT alone.

If anyone knew the real reason[s] why they act so uncaringly, then we wouldn't be having this conversation; but there are a host of reasons that even the men themselves (and unfortunately women who have to pay child support) are not cognizant of.

Some of them however use child support as a &quot;weapon&quot; a power thing to get next to the wife/husband and if they can't hold the support out of spite for many reasons also.and some of them SIMPLY DO NOT HAVE IT..however,

i agree, how can you not support your little ones, who are soo dependent on the parents since they cannot work or fend for themselves if you have it?

all I will say to you is this...whatever you do, do NOT curse or verbally abuse the children's father in front of him or behind his back...it will muster hate in their little hearts and they will perceive him as inferior...a poor role model for the BOYS...and grow up to be just like him.

You got a lot of good advice from the others...trust in GOD, he will see you through...I can imagine it is rough, but hang in there Sistah...

[dr. bones]

Re: What kind of a FATHER would up

If you want him examined as a sociopath, why would you want him around your boys? Sounds like they may be better off w/o his influence. Are there other positive male models in your son's lives (grandpa, uncle, teachers...)? I wouldn't speak ill of their Daddy, but I wouldn't encourage his involvement in their lives if he is a sociopath.

[Travellah]

Re: What kind of a FATHER would up

Well, I asked for insight and insight and great encouragement I got!
Thanks everyone for your response. They say a woman cannot teach a boy how to be a man but I WILL definately do MY BEST with these 3 I am blessed with.

[jah_yout]

Re: What kind of a FATHER would up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: IronMama</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: applepie</div><div class="ubbcode-body">some times people stay away because they cannot deal with the drama/confrontation.(not stating that this is your case) </div></div>

i hear you applepie but no drama here in that sense of the word. I feel as though its because he has to pay the amount he has to, afta him tried so hard to deceive the court bout him income.
Anyhow. </div></div>

could you have anything to do with it?
from experience many women use the children as a beating stick to whip the man for daring to break up with them...
some men get to a point where they would rather just not see anyone than deal with the bad vibes and bickering it entails to see their yutes

[Travellah]

Re: What kind of a FATHER would up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: jah_yout</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: IronMama</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: applepie</div><div class="ubbcode-body">some times people stay away because they cannot deal with the drama/confrontation.(not stating that this is your case) </div></div>

i hear you applepie but no drama here in that sense of the word. I feel as though its because he has to pay the amount he has to, afta him tried so hard to deceive the court bout him income.
Anyhow. </div></div>

could you have anything to do with it?
<span style="font-weight: bold"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">from experience many women use the children as a beating stick to whip the man for daring to break up with them...
some men get to a point where they would rather just not see anyone than deal with the bad vibes and bickering it entails to see their yutes </div></div></div></div></span>

Jah_....DID you hear what I said?...I said he tried so hard to hide information from the court about his INCOME,,,,TELL LIE ON TOP OF LIE TILL THEY FIND HIM OUT AND ASSIGNED THE CORRECT AMOUNT HIM MUST PAY.
Where does women using children as &quot;beating stick&quot; comes in?
And fyi, I AM THE ONE WHO FILED FOR DIVORCE THANK GOD BEFORE HE BROUGHT HOME ANY DISEASE TO KILL ME.

[QK13]

Re: What kind of a FATHER would up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: britisha</div><div class="ubbcode-body">What kind of father?

The sperm donors can and will...the world is teeming with them; globally. It is not only in the West..and it affects every race.colour.creed and financial standing...read where one professional owed hommuch touzands in child support.. six figs

</div></div>

The biggest deadbeat father (biologically speaking) in the state of Massachusetts is a professional WHITE man.
Owes over $600K in back support.

Nuff deadbeats out there, mothers included. My ex took his son when he left his wife. She said if you're leaving take your f'ing kid with you. She never gave him a dime, he never asked for it. SHE would ask HIM for money when she took the son for a weekend visit, which was a rare occassion.

I have 4 brothers who grew up without their white father. He spent many years in prison and when he wasn't in jail he certainly wasn't at home with us. There was no child support money.

We lived in a public housing project that was 90% white. There were no fathers around there either. It is not a black thing at all.

Do your best to raise the boys. It's not going to be easy, but it will be rewarding. You can't force him to spend time. The kids will feel that he doesn't want to be there, so why put them thru it.

Best of luck.

[Suesumba]

Re: What kind of a FATHER would up


QuiKkie &lt;&lt;&lt;---

[Hugo]

Re: What kind of a FATHER would up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Q.K</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: britisha</div><div class="ubbcode-body">What kind of father?

The sperm donors can and will...the world is teeming with them; globally. It is not only in the West..and it affects every race.colour.creed and financial standing...read where one professional owed hommuch touzands in child support.. six figs

</div></div>

The biggest deadbeat father (biologically speaking) in the state of Massachusetts is a professional WHITE man.
Owes over $600K in back support.

Nuff deadbeats out there, mothers included. My ex took his son when he left his wife. She said if you're leaving take your f'ing kid with you. She never gave him a dime, he never asked for it. SHE would ask HIM for money when she took the son for a weekend visit, which was a rare occassion.

I have 4 brothers who grew up without their white father. He spent many years in prison and when he wasn't in jail he certainly wasn't at home with us. There was no child support money.

We lived in a public housing project that was 90% white. There were no fathers around there either. It is not a black thing at all.

Do your best to raise the boys. It's not going to be easy, but it will be rewarding. You can't force him to spend time. The kids will feel that he doesn't want to be there, so why put them thru it.

Best of luck.


</div></div> I would divorce my father QK.