Missing her unemployed, minute-man ex ..dis is a beaut

[evanovitch]

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I have been in a relationship for the past two years. Unfortunately I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago.

He was all the man I needed. He gave me love, support and comfort. But he had a major problem I thought I could live with. He couldn't last more than two minutes in bed. We agreed to get help for it. Eventually he did but it didn't make any difference. The problem remained the same.


never felt satisfied

It started to drive me crazy because each time we had sex I never felt satisfied. It just pushed me away more and more and he knows it. He tried oral sex, thinking it would make up for it, but it didn't and I told him. The truth is, I have never cheated on him throughout the years but I started to find myself growing away from him.

Another problem was he wasn't working anymore and he wasn't even pushing himself to get a job. To me, he was getting too comfortable. He tried to focus on one occupation, the one he had been doing for the last three years until he lost it. So he didn't want to try anything else. Instead, he sat at his mom's home for days, weeks, and months, doing nothing. It drove me nuts.

I was scared of cheating on him, so I told him the truth and asked him for some space. Of course, he wasn't happy about it but he gave it to me. Instead of things getting better, it started to get worse. My feelings for him got weaker. So I just called him and told him I wanted to break up with him, which I did, even though he didn't want to accept it.

Anyway, days and weeks went by, he stopped calling. I called him once to check how he was doing, and he was fine. But now, I miss him. I am wondering if I should try again, even though I know in my heart that the sex will be the same. I am slightly confused. Please, tell me what to do.

L.M.,


Dear L.M.,

This man is definitely suffering from a sexual dysfunction and it has affected the relationship. You know that very well but you love him and the love is genuine. You know that you do not feel that you can do without having sex and he can't manage. Therefore, you felt frustrated and you told him so.

In addition to his sexual problem, the man is unemployed and you believe that he has not put out enough effort to get a job. In fact, you think that he is wasting time, staying at his mother's house every day. However, you still love him. The love has not died. Perhaps when both of you were going together, you thought it had died but now you know for sure that it has not.

May I suggest that you meet with this man and tell him that you are willing to give the relationship another try if he would change his attitude towards work and the problem that he is facing sexually.

Tell him that you are willing to contact a sex therapist and help him to pay for the sessions. Tell him you realise that a relationship is not just based on sex but if you are going to get married sex will play a great part. Show him that if he is willing to get help you will stand by him.

Pastor

[LiteBlonde]

Re: Missing her unemployed, minute-man ex ..dis is a beaut

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: evanovitch</div><div class="ubbcode-body">


Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I have been in a relationship for the past two years. Unfortunately I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago.

He was all the man I needed. He gave me love, support and comfort. But he had a major problem I thought I could live with. He couldn't last more than two minutes in bed. We agreed to get help for it. Eventually he did but it didn't make any difference. The problem remained the same.


never felt satisfied

It started to drive me crazy because each time we had sex I never felt satisfied. It just pushed me away more and more and he knows it. He tried oral sex, thinking it would make up for it, but it didn't and I told him. The truth is, I have never cheated on him throughout the years but I started to find myself growing away from him.

Another problem was he wasn't working anymore and he wasn't even pushing himself to get a job. To me, he was getting too comfortable. He tried to focus on one occupation, the one he had been doing for the last three years until he lost it. So he didn't want to try anything else. Instead, he sat at his mom's home for days, weeks, and months, doing nothing. It drove me nuts.

I was scared of cheating on him, so I told him the truth and asked him for some space. Of course, he wasn't happy about it but he gave it to me. Instead of things getting better, it started to get worse. My feelings for him got weaker. So I just called him and told him I wanted to break up with him, which I did, even though he didn't want to accept it.

Anyway, days and weeks went by, he stopped calling. I called him once to check how he was doing, and he was fine. But now, I miss him. I am wondering if I should try again, even though I know in my heart that the sex will be the same. I am slightly confused. Please, tell me what to do.

L.M.,


Dear L.M.,

This man is definitely suffering from a sexual dysfunction and it has affected the relationship. You know that very well but you love him and the love is genuine. You know that you do not feel that you can do without having sex and he can't manage. Therefore, you felt frustrated and you told him so.

In addition to his sexual problem, the man is unemployed and you believe that he has not put out enough effort to get a job. In fact, you think that he is wasting time, staying at his mother's house every day. However, you still love him. The love has not died. Perhaps when both of you were going together, you thought it had died but now you know for sure that it has not.

May I suggest that you meet with this man and tell him that you are willing to give the relationship another try if he would change his attitude towards work and the problem that he is facing sexually.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Tell him that you are willing to contact a sex therapist and help him to pay for the sessions.</span> Tell him you realise that a relationship is not just based on sex but if you are going to get married sex will play a great part. Show him that if he is willing to get help you will stand by him.

Pastor
</div></div>

Pastor must have lost his monkey mind. What kind of advice is that?

First he told her what she told him, then he fell off the edge with the nonsense about &quot;helping him pay&quot;. Pastor must have never heard of not fattening a roach for a chicken party.

She need to move the heck on and get herself a real man. What's love got to do, got to do with it?

[Bizzy]

Re: Missing her unemployed, minute-man ex ..dis is a beaut

de pastor lose him wah??

[rufian]

Re: Missing her unemployed, minute-man ex ..dis is a beaut

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Tell him that you are willing to contact a sex therapist and help him to pay for the sessions. Tell him you realise that a relationship is not just based on sex but if you are going to get married sex will play a great part. Show him that if he is willing to get help you will stand by him.</div></div>

yea yea. pay fe it an when he functional again, him go go prove his manhood with all.
de man just nice because he kyaan do de work probably

[Diplomat]

Re: Missing her unemployed, minute-man ex ..dis is a beaut

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DotCom</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

Pastor must have lost his monkey mind. What kind of advice is that?

First he told her what she told him, </div></div>
That's called &quot;reflecting back&quot; and is standard in counseling.

[j-kid]

Re: Missing her unemployed, minute-man ex ..dis is a beaut

Yes.

After yuh dun talk tuh yuhself fi ah while, dem mek yuh solve yuh own problems, den sen yuh ah bill fi it.

.
.

The Shrink looking stern, &quot;So, Mrs. Jones, what do you think your problem might be?&quot;

[Marielle]

Re: Missing her unemployed, minute-man ex ..dis is a beaut

Pastor always cracks me up....

how about this one.....

<span style="font-weight: bold">He's married but I won't leave him </span>

<span style="font-style: italic">Dear Pastor,
I hope your day is going great. I am going out with a Jamaican for about a year and have found out recently that he is married. I love this man so very much and I don't want to leave him. He is still living with his wife and children. He keeps on telling me lies, one after the other. But, regardless of all that, I still love him anyway. He never buys me gifts or gives me money but what he wants he gets. Please, I need your help and advice. God bless.

C.J., Birmingham


Dear C.J.,

You have to determine in your own mind what you want. You know for sure that the man is married and you have declared that you are not leaving him. He is getting what he wants from you. He doesn't buy you anything but you are giving him all that you can. People want different things in a relationship and you will never leave him until you stop loving him.

It must be something great that you are getting out of this relationship. When your love has turned to hate then you will move on.

Pastor</span>

[Marielle]

Re: Missing her unemployed, minute-man ex ..dis is a beaut

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: sukuna</div><div class="ubbcode-body">[quote]
yea yea. pay fe it an when he functional again, him go go prove his manhood with all.
</div></div>

[LiteBlonde]

Re: Missing her unemployed, minute-man ex ..dis is a beaut

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: ChurchDude</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DotCom</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

Pastor must have lost his monkey mind. What kind of advice is that?

First he told her what she told him, </div></div>
That's called &quot;reflecting back&quot; and is standard in counseling. </div></div>

To be effective, &quot;Reflecting Back&quot; is used ONLY when the receiver wants to ensure that clear communication is taking place between them and the sender in person.

In standard counseling, i.e. face to face, that process works beautifully, because the counselor does not continue with advice until affirmation is received from the sender. As you can see, there is a clear breakdown if that were to be applied in this instance, hence me comment.


If me was to follow your theory, unless Pastor received an affirmation (and prove it in writing) from the letter writer, him should not have continued with him advice.

All processes in theory does not apply in practice, which is why you find so many SCHOLARS dumb as a rock. Them don't know how or when to apply common sense, as is obvious with Pastor. Him need to take him head out of the book and think on him own.

Goes to show that all &quot;pastors&quot; don't qualify as &quot;counselors&quot;.

[Gen]

Re: Missing her unemployed, minute-man ex ..dis is a beaut

BOAL. a choo ting enuh

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: J kid</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Yes.

After yuh dun talk tuh yuhself fi ah while, dem mek yuh solve yuh own problems, den sen yuh ah bill fi it.

.
.

The Shrink looking stern, &quot;So, Mrs. Jones, what do you think your problem might be?&quot;
</div></div>