If a man knows that a woman was a victim of abuse

[britisha]

Re: If a man knows that a woman was a victim of abuse

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Pepper</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: britisha</div><div class="ubbcode-body">



I really was thinking about the man, who having known her past situation (depending on his sense of self-worth) might use it against her later, not necessarily as physical abuse...for eg, if something crops us he will be the first one to throw it in &quot;her teeth&quot; like &quot;dass why Johnny used to beat yuh&quot; or something like that..


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If he says something like that, then he is an abuser as well.


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Not only would he be a &quot;verbal abuser&quot; [something that be just as bad as the physical one] but it answers the question that THE POSSIBILITY FOR HER HISTORY OF ABUSE TO AFFECT THE NEW RELATIONSHIP NEGATIVELY...exists..whether he is equipped to handle the relationship or not for other reasons..

So if the man is not from her nook and cranny, should she keep this as her sekrit past, or let he man know about it?..

*new topic for discussion..

[Dr.Dudd]

Re: If a man knows that a woman was a victim of abuse

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Pepper</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: britisha</div><div class="ubbcode-body">



I really was thinking about the man, who having known her past situation (depending on his sense of self-worth) might use it against her later, not necessarily as physical abuse...for eg, if something crops us he will be the first one to throw it in &quot;her teeth&quot; like &quot;dass why Johnny used to beat yuh&quot; or something like that..


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If he says something like that, then he is an abuser as well.


</div></div>dat me say too.

[Dr.Dudd]

Re: If a man knows that a woman was a victim of abuse

Believe it or not ever society that has a culture of arranged marriages has an aklmost 100 % system of spousal abuse. The whole idea of arrange marriages is abuse. The bride is sold to the other family,and in many instances they have to pay the family to accept the briode.girls as a result in those culture is a burden to families,a nd s such has a lower value to the family. since every son will enrich the family and every daughter wil be a liabillity. I notioce in Africa ther are culture wher the sons are theone whi have to pay the family, but the daughter is still treated as property of the son.
what is common is that irrespective of who pays, the woman is stil trreated as property.

[britisha]

Re: If a man knows that a woman was a victim of abuse

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dr.Dudd</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Believe it or not ever society that has a culture of arranged marriages has an aklmost 100 % system of spousal abuse. The whole idea of arrange marriages is abuse. The bride is sold to the other family,and in many instances they have to pay the family to accept the briode.girls as a result in those culture is a burden to families,a nd s such has a lower value to the family. since every son will enrich the family and every daughter wil be a liabillity. I notioce in Africa ther are culture wher the sons are theone whi have to pay the family, but the daughter is still treated as property of the son.
what is common is that irrespective of who pays, the woman is stil trreated as property. </div></div>

okay, just as I said to <span style="text-decoration: underline">an extent</span>..now please explain the rest that I had asked you to...thanks.

[Dr.Dudd]

Re: If a man knows that a woman was a victim of abuse

<span style="font-style: italic">quote.... Originally Posted By: Dr.Dudd
What you blaming me for? Idon't make it up!! It si allabout human psychology. We are usually attracted to mates who reminds us of most comfortable surroundings. That usually means women are mostly attracted to people with the behavior of their father. So women that grows uop with a very strong will father, are usualluy attracted to mwn that are strong willed, unless they discover the problem before they chose a mate. Usually they don't see it as soo bad until the mate start doing it too often. By they meet the mate they are already supressed, by their father. This gives thenm a lower than acceptable self evaluation. the mate on the other hand, wil avoid women that does not have these charasterics. they stiklk don;'t realize that they are playing out the classic domestic abuse setup,until it is too late. Even after they break up, unless she get appropriate counselling, she is likely to be attracted to the same type 0f person. The reason, the men does not appear to be like that on the surface. Just liek their father,but they don't see it. every body else loves the wau theirm fater behave, except tyem, because he behaves different at home with his family.

Doc, can you make the effort to say what you say with some clarity? Break down the above for mi... Thanks.</span>

<span style="font-size: 11pt">

i was explaining that the policy of arranged marriages are grounded in spousal abuse. first the couple don't have rights as to who they marry. Then the husmand have the right to do what he will with the wife. Only in those societies woman are considerde property.
Even in Britain thathad the 'rule of thumb'. That was the law,which stated that a man had the right to beat his wife with a stick no larger than his thumb.
No I aam not making it up. </span>

[britisha]

Re: If a man knows that a woman was a victim of abuse

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dr.Dudd</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><span style="font-style: italic">quote.... Originally Posted By: Dr.Dudd
What you blaming me for? Idon't make it up!! It si allabout human psychology. We are usually attracted to mates who reminds us of most comfortable surroundings. That usually means women are mostly attracted to people with the behavior of their father. So women that grows uop with a very strong will father, are usualluy attracted to mwn that are strong willed, unless they discover the problem before they chose a mate. Usually they don't see it as soo bad until the mate start doing it too often. By they meet the mate they are already supressed, by their father. This gives thenm a lower than acceptable self evaluation. the mate on the other hand, wil avoid women that does not have these charasterics. they stiklk don;'t realize that they are playing out the classic domestic abuse setup,until it is too late. Even after they break up, unless she get appropriate counselling, she is likely to be attracted to the same type 0f person. The reason, the men does not appear to be like that on the surface. Just liek their father,but they don't see it. every body else loves the wau theirm fater behave, except tyem, because he behaves different at home with his family.

Doc, can you make the effort to say what you say with some clarity? Break down the above for mi... Thanks.</span>

<span style="font-size: 11pt">

i was explaining that the policy of arranged marriages are grounded in spousal abuse. first the couple don't have rights as to who they marry. Then the husmand have the right to do what he will with the wife. Only in those societies woman are considerde property.
Even in Britain thathad the 'rule of thumb'. That was the law,which stated that a man had the right to beat his wife with a stick no larger than his thumb.
No I aam not making it up. </span>

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Oh no !! nat dat part..di part about human psychology...a dat paawt mi talking bout...the supression by dere faddas, and strong willed faddas, dat part. thanks.

[Dr.Dudd]

Re: If a man knows that a woman was a victim of abuse

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> women that grows up with a very strong will father, are usually attracted to men that are strong willed, unless they discover the problem before they chose a mate. Usually they don't see it as so bad until the mate start doing it too often. By they meet the mate they are already suppressed, by their father. This gives them a lower than acceptable self evaluation. the mate on the other hand, will avoid women that does not have these characters. they still don't realize that they are playing out the classic domestic abuse setup,until it is too late. Even after they break up, unless she get appropriate counselling, she is likely to be attracted to the same type 0f person. The reason, the men does not appear to be like that on the surface. Just like their father,but they don't see it. every body else loves the wau their father behave, except tyem, because he behaves different at home with his family. </div></div>

That because children are molded by their first experiences. a strict father is accepted as as ideal. they model from what they\ir parents do. so they are usually attracted to a partner that reminds of the 'strict' father. Usually this impression is really masking the potential abusive behavior. This happens because people feel at home with behavior that reminds them of home. these behaviors from the outset are much milder than in a relationship. this the are not usually are of.
Of Course, they only live once, so there is no other experience to compare, unless the are lucky and are very observant and see that morphed before.
this is rare though so they are apt to fall for abusers if they have very strong willed father. the one that his word is law that is.

OK

[britisha]

Re: If a man knows that a woman was a victim of abuse

Well, I thought that is what you said and meant...well, it makes no sense in the context of the discussion, to put it mildly...thanks annihoo for your contribution..


*tried to do some googling, but my browser won't oppen the pages due to possible virus threats...anihoo later.....

[Dr.Dudd]

Re: If a man knows that a woman was a victim of abuse

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: britisha</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Well, I thought that is what you said and meant...well, it makes no sense in the context of the discussion, to put it mildly...thanks annihoo for your contribution..


*tried to do some googling, but my browser won't oppen the pages due to possible virus threats...anihoo later..... </div></div>If you set youyr browser to family friendly, that blocks kids, it does thattoo with some subject areas.

[britisha]

Re: If a man knows that a woman was a victim of abuse

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dr.Dudd</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: britisha</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Well, I thought that is what you said and meant...well, it makes no sense in the context of the discussion, to put it mildly...thanks annihoo for your contribution..


*tried to do some googling, but my browser won't oppen the pages due to possible virus threats...anihoo later..... </div></div>If you set youyr browser to family friendly, that blocks kids, it does thattoo with some subject areas. </div></div>

Tenk yuh; mi clean hout mi &quot;recycle bin&quot;...Massie !! and so far it is working okay...<span style="font-style: italic">cross mi fingahs dem</span>

[Marielle]

Re: If a man knows that a woman was a victim of abuse

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DotCom</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
Some women, although them will try and move on, the nightmare lives on, so them repeat behaviors which will create discomfort in a new relationship.
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