Mi jus cuss aff mi sister-in-law

[Peasie]

<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">Don't even know if dis is di right forum. But hear mi out. (I'm on my 4th glass of Pinot Grigio so mi no give a [self-censored]).Mi just call my sister-in-law's cell phone and left a message where I cursed her out telling her, &quot;If you think I was curt with you, call me and tell me. Don't call my husband (her brother) and tell him. Tell me directtly! &quot;

<span style="text-decoration: underline">Background</span>: I am married 25 years to a wonderful American man. In-laws have been wonderful and I have always loved my MIL and FIL and even SIL very much. FIL died 12 years ago. MIL is now in nursing home in DC, having moved here from her home in Big City, USA. MIL bought 5 bed room, 3.5 BA house for herself and her daughter (my SIL) after FIL died. Beautiful house with two stair cases, back stair case outfitted with electric chair, etc. etc. When MIL bought house years ago she said to her son, Mr. Gungo, &quot;This is your sister's house. She will take care of me when I am old. I just want you to know so there is no hard feelings when I die.&quot; Son (my husband) consults with me and we say to MIL &quot;That is your perogative. You do what you please. We accept your decision and stand by it.&quot;

Years later, my MIL is now suffering from dementia. I went up to Big City and realize, &quot;*&amp;(^ I better take care of her affairs.&quot; With SIL blessings, I called family lawyer and got power-of-attorney for MIL son and daughter. They insisted I become a power-of-attorney also. Fine, I said.

Fast forward. SIL is now retiring from job (or she will be fired.) MIL was in nursing home last summer in her home town, Big City. Got better and was to be released. SIL syas, &quot;I can't manage her at home, can you help?
Mr. Gungo came to me about his mother. I said, &quot;Look Sweetie, she is welcome in our home.&quot; We have a smaller house in DC. Nice but small. Our children are grown (more or less). MIL moved in. One health problem led to another. Now MIL is in nursing home in DC.

<span style="text-decoration: underline">Here's the issue</span>: SIL, (her daughter, mind you) rarely visits her mother. She sits in her 5-bedroom house alone and wonders about her self. She is very self-centered and bossy around her younger brother, my husband.

<span style="text-decoration: underline">Long story short</span>. She is not visiting her mother regularly in the nursing home - two hour drive from us. When she DOES visit, it is when her brother takes his mom to our house for the day, usually a Sunday, choosing to visit her mom at my house, not at the nursing home. In the mean time, my MIL has dementia, calls ME at all hours of night from nursing home with &quot;Gungo, are you coming to get me? I can'tg reach my daughter.&quot;

Gungo is now


Yesterday, from nursing home, I call SIL on cell. &quot;Hi. No emergency. Are you planning to visit with your mom tomorrow, Sunday?&quot; SIL - &quot;No. And she knows it. I have to clear out my office as I am retiring.&quot;

So today, SIL called Mr. Gungo, her brother, and said that Gungo Peas was curt with her. I was I called SIL and left this messsage, &quot;If you think I have been 'curt' with you, then call me and not your brother. You need to accept your part of the bargain, and tke care of your mother.&quot;

So, did I do right? I felt I did. What do you think? Seriously.</span>

[sistacaf]

Re: Mi jus cuss aff mi sister-in-law

YES. absolutely. curt? more like reality.

sides which that's not the issue. she can't have a light shined on her own cold &amp; selfish behavior so she's deflecting attention elsewhere.


self-centered brat

[Peasie]

Re: Mi jus cuss aff mi sister-in-law

She is a brat! You are so SistahCaf! And she is 12 years OLDER than me! But never grew up! I blame her parents, but at this point, aaaarrrgggh!

[julie*mango]

Re: Mi jus cuss aff mi sister-in-law

mi nuh blame u gungo

[Nunya]

Re: Mi jus cuss aff mi sister-in-law

So bottom line is, you're upset because she thinks you were being curt and she called your husband and said as much????

What are you guys - 12????

[sistacaf]

Re: Mi jus cuss aff mi sister-in-law

ppl think i'm curt or anti-social too becuase i'm the kind of person who will just say <span style="font-style: italic">the emperor has no clothes. </span>
i really don't care, they can like me or not. :shrug:
the truth is what it is and too bad if they don't want to hear it i'm sayin it.

i find that usually ppl too chicken bout what dem nayba think (or whatever lame-eyz thing) to tell it like it is. i wasn't born with that gene

[missus_vegas]

Re: Mi jus cuss aff mi sister-in-law

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Gungo Peas</div><div class="ubbcode-body">[font:Comic Sans MS]Don't even know if dis is di right forum. But hear mi out. <span style="color: #CC0000"> (I'm on my 4th glass of Pinot Grigio so mi no give a [self-censored])</span>.Mi just call my sister-in-law's cell phone and left a message where I cursed her out telling her, &quot;If you think I was curt with you, call me and tell me. Don't call my husband (her brother) and tell him. Tell me directtly! &quot;
</div></div>

no wanda di bar cyan open wen it fi open. u one siddung in deh an drink all di likka den u call ppl phone an trace dem. it funny when ppl want do dem wrongs dem go drink and galang like seh a junk dem did junk.

[applepie]

Re: Mi jus cuss aff mi sister-in-law

Is not the fact that she called her brother to say you were curt with her.......I think you are [censored] off at her for something else and maybe.......just maybe you really want to tell her off........if she does not want to look for her mom that is her loss........you and hubby just do your part.

[Peasie]

Re: Mi jus cuss aff mi sister-in-law

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nunya</div><div class="ubbcode-body">So bottom line is, you're upset because she thinks you were being curt and she called your husband and said as much????

What are you guys - 12???? </div></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">
Seems so, doesn't it? But that is not the point I was trying to make although I can see how you reached that conclusion. Truth is, I've been caught up in this brother-sister caca for too long. I've been very cool up to this point. What should I have done differently, Nunya?</span>

[Nunya]

Re: Mi jus cuss aff mi sister-in-law

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Gungo Peas</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">
Seems so, doesn't it? But that is not the point I was trying to make although I can see how you reached that conclusion. Truth is, I've been caught up in this brother-sister caca for too long. I've been very cool up to this point. What should I have done differently, Nunya?</span> </div></div>

Talk to her, without being too confrontational. I can sense, like applepie said, that you have your issues with her 'shirking' her duties.

But maybe she's going through some sorta depression. I mean, for a while it was just her and her mom, after her dad died. Maybe she feels somewhat of a failure because she's unable to cope with her mother's illness. Maybe it kills her to see her mother in a home, which is why she doesn't visit.

All I am saying, is, give her the benefit of the doubt and just talk with her. Give her some of your strength. It'll come back to you in the long run...

[Peasie]

Re: Mi jus cuss aff mi sister-in-law

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: applepie</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Is not the fact that she called her brother to say you were curt with her.......I think you are [censored] off at her for something else and maybe.......just maybe you really want to tell her off........if she does not want to look for her mom that is her loss........you and hubby just do your part. </div></div>

<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"> Applepie, you are on to something here. We have taken the high road. I see my husband take good care of his mother and he inspires me. He is patient and he is kind - a sweet, very cool human being. But I did get frustrated with his sister. How can a daughter be like this? Especially when she has promised to take care of her mother? I just believe that this daughter has simply been spoiled all her life - I know this to be true, actually, but that is beside the point. I just want to shake her and tell her, &quot;Grow up and if you can't' just be attentive to your mother for the last days of her life.&quot; Maybe I will tell her just that when next we talk. But she will never see it that way. </span>

[Peasie]

Re: Mi jus cuss aff mi sister-in-law

But Nunya, I have done so like you wouldn't believe! Let me give you an example. MIL came to live with us in September when she was released from the first nursing home and SIL &quot;could not deal.&quot; I said to SIL, OK, how about at Thanksgiving you come and stay with your mother at our house. I would really like to take Mr. Gungo away for a few days as he is stressed out with work and your mother (I was out town most of Sept-early Nov. working on Barack's campaign). Do you know what SIL said the week before Thanksgiving? She had to be back on the Friday. I said, Really? Then how about you take you mom with you back to her home in Big City for a few days and we will pick her up on our way from our get a way? We did just that.

Next comes the Inauguration and we have friends and family from all over who want to descend on DC for this historic event. In November I tell SIL, how about taking your mom with you for a week in January? She said that would be fine. AND THEN, she called about a problem on her job and asked me if I could send her mom away for that week to a place where they can care for her? I said &quot;That won't be necessary, SIL. This is her home and I could never do that. I will just call our friends and family and try to put them up with friends and neighbors.&quot; As it turned out, MIL got sick, hospitalized, I spent Inauguration at her bedside in hospital so that hubby could go have a break and experience this historic event. It was then that we had MIL admitted to nursing home in DC.

So now SIL is getting ready to retire. And suddenly she needs plenty of time to &quot;organize her life.&quot; Organize? Her life?

Yes, I think she is depressed. I suspected it over two years ago and suggested she see a therapist.

Aye sah.

[nattydreadgirl]

Re: Mi jus cuss aff mi sister-in-law

I agree with Nunya, take the high road.

My mother just passed on 06/19/09 and she had been in a nursing home for 3 years.

At first I was angry, very angry with my siblings due to the fact that I was the only one here with her. I was the one doing all of the doctor appts, not getting any sleep and trying to deal with her care all alone. I think alot of what you are feeling toward your SIL is anger, this too shall pass!

It was hard for me to visit more often at the nursing home due to the fact that I hated the fact that she was in a nursing home. She was receiving excellent care, however, just the thought of her being there got to me more times than I care to admit. There was not one visit that I did not come away in tears! 3 years of visiting and every visit brought me to my knees. It was very hard for me to see my (((Mom))) dealing with dementia, alzeheimers and all of the other medical problems that she had.

I rarely got calls from them to see how she was doing, In the 3 years that we have been in Atlanta one sister came down twice, One brother and sister never came to Atlanta, and the one brother that came pretty often only caused problems.

I have come to the conclusion that they were not able to deal with the reality of her being sick. L it was hard for me.

I said this to say that even though she has passed on, I feel good knowing that I did the best that I could for her in her time of need. No regrets on my part. The last 3 years taught me that we each deal with the pain of a ill parent differently. The last visit from my younger sister we had a big fight.

I let go of my anger a long time ago and it made the time I spent with her was more peaceful for me by letting go of the anger.


(((Gungo Peas)))

[Nunya]

Re: Mi jus cuss aff mi sister-in-law



Yuh finish de bakkle yet? ~lol~ Well, maybe you could take her to see someone about her depression... How old is she? Does she have kids? What is going to be doing next, now that she's retiring??? I mean, yeah, she sounds selfish, but she could just be scared ****less, yuh nahmean?

Big up to you and your Mr, for doing right by his mom. You soun like yuh tired doah. Maybe oonuu can go whe some whe, jus de two a oonuu...? Nuff rooksing an drinking??? Very therapeutic, you know...

[Peasie]

Re: Mi jus cuss aff mi sister-in-law

<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">Natty, sorry about your mom. You did your best for your mother. My MIL has dementia - bwoy, dat rough.

Nunya, MIL does not live with us. She is in a nursing home. Hubby picks up his mom every Sunday and bring her to our house to cook her scrambled eggs and grits.

We are fine in the rooksing department

Sometimes I feel like I have to defend him though. Him too soft and I am a real virago dance hall gutter snipe gal Mi tink mi SIL fraid a mi all di same. Naw man. Can't tell her what to do. She is used to telling everyone what to do - real bossy. She has son in his living on the West Coast. (As far away from his mother as he can!)

I also think that SIL is the way she is because her parents always gave in to her tantrums. Lesson to parents everywhere! I also think that Mr. Gungo would rather have peace than deal with her wrath. He is not afraid of her or anything, he just can't stand the drama. Me? Mi waan lik har dung and slap some grass sense inna har head </span>