Sad Anniversaries

[Nylah]

even though you must move on and continue living your life, some annual dates that roll around each year are hard to ignore.

what do you do, if anything, when anniversary dates of ppl you have loved and lost come around?

-you ignore the day as best you can by keeping yourself busy?
-do you have a ritual of some sort that you do, to remember and feel close to the person gone?
-or do you stay at home and cry your eyes out?


Anyway, seven years ago today is the day I woke up and went a new job that I had just started thinking what a beautiful summer day this is only to reach my office and get the news that my dad died suddenly. Some events gut you so bad that they seem impossible to shake even many years later.

But life goes on for the living.

[Nanook]

Re: Sad Anniversaries

(((Nylah))). Good topic. I have one of those coming up soon so I will be looking at the responses. I tend to try to ignore the day if it reminds me of something I don't want to think about but not sure I will be successful this time.

[Nylah]

Re: Sad Anniversaries


Nanook

I try to do the same but like you arent successful sometimes. I hate being out though and have anything trigger a waterfall of tears in public so I tend to stick to myself.

This year has been the best so far in that I didnt ruminate for weeks ahead of time like I usually do and upset myself.

But this morning I got up early and went outside to get some fresh air, and that reminded me of my thoughts of what a beautiful day it was before I got the phone call....so at the moment I am fighting back tears trying to shake it off.

[Andrewnaqi]

Re: Sad Anniversaries

Godess Nylah

[Peasie]

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<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">Nylah That was a painful experience for you. I'm sorry. My daddy died 31 years ago this month but sometimes I feel as if he never left. Every now and then I thank him for his life and for passing on to his children the sense of adventure, pure fun, and not being afraid to challenge the status quo. My children never met him, of course, but when I hear them telling their friends some of their grandfather's memorable moments, such as farting loudly in Carib Theatre in Cross Roads, I realize Daddy is still with us. </span>

[seemiyah]

Re: Sad Anniversaries

it will be ok

[kia027]

Re: Sad Anniversaries

what I do is do a little something in their honor. Tell stories about them, pick their favorite flowers, thank them for the honor of having me know them.

[ILP]

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Nylah...I hear you.

The week of Thankgiving (US) is like that for me.
My family <span style="text-decoration: underline">always</span> gets together...ALL of us which is incredible in itself. It is a time for us to eat, catch up, play with each others kids (now that we've started to have them), dish on the old folks (our parents) and laugh. When I say good times....

I had a cousin... that was my exact age. We even shared the same name. We grew up together. When you saw her, you saw me. We talked 10 times a day.

She died in 1999. I had flown to the west coast for our family gathering ahead of her and her intention was to fly out the next morning. The only reason we didnt fly out together is because she had just had a baby and had to go in for her 6 week post-delivery checkup. I was on the phone with her after her appt. &amp; was doing the usual &quot;dont forgets&quot; and she complained that she had a headache. She said she was going to power through it and continue to do stuff to get ready to leave the next morning.

My last words to her were: &quot;Well get some rest mama. Kiss my girl for me (her new daughter) and I'll see you tomorrow. We're gonna have so much fun.&quot;

The next morning, my father's friend went to her house to pick her up to take her to the airport. He called us because she didnt answer the door and he could hear the baby crying inside. When the fire dept finally opened the door. They found her dead on the floor with the phone in her hand.

When I say incomprehensible, I really mean incomprehensible. I mean I know in my head that she is dead, but sometimes I still cant rap my brain around her being gone. Even all these years later. Her daughter is like her in so many ways. I dont remember much about her funeral/burial (I was sedated). It was very important for our family to continue our tradition of Thankgiving...even though I felt like some sort of zombie going through the motions. It was just last year Thanksgiving that I remember laughing like the good old days.

June 27, my aunt (her mom) called me to see how I was doing. It was a few days after Michael Jackson died. My cousin was what we used to call &quot;one ah dem ole eediat Michael Jackson fan&quot;. It was bittersweet. On one hand I wondered what her reaction would've been to his death and on the other hand I blasted Michael Jackson tunes and danced. I know that is what she'd have done (that and gotten on a plane and went to Neverland to pay her respects )

I'm not one of those people who believes that time heals all wounds. I believe that humans just get used to it and compensates. They continue to live.

[twiney]

Re: Sad Anniversaries

Nylah, ILP and all who have had to deal with a sad day. I have 2 of those days wont ever forget them and no the hurt wont heal I'm just learning to live with the memories or lack thereof and now unno just make mi .

[sistactry]

Re: Sad Anniversaries

my sincere condolences to all, Nylah and ILP,

my sisters husband, who has been a constant force in our life, they had been HS sweethearts, so he has been around forever.....anyway the man just took sick, and before we know it, died of a brain hemorrage...this was a large man, everybody knew him and loved him,

not only did it come as a shock, right after that was his b/day, fathers day, then my sisters 30th anniversary.....

she sometimes goes to the cememtary alone with champagne and sometimes she goes with other ppl including her kids, and they let off balloons.....

sooo sad, but we must move on, and yes, time does heal wounds, at least the pain will not be as sharp~

bless u all as you grieve in your own way, and know that that person is now sleeping or being used as an angel~

[sistactry]

Re: Sad Anniversaries

[Nylah]

Re: Sad Anniversaries



Thanks everyone for your words and your own stories as well.

ILP - my dad died the same way too He was on the phone to his auntie in JA - complained of a sudden headache and said he needed to go. He unfortunately took aspirin which hasten the clot in his head. He died on the way to the hospital in the car. His last words to his girlfriend was &quot;look after my babies&quot;......

It sounds ironic but it is because I knew just how hard he loved us that make its so hard all these years later. We were the reason he got up in the morning. He made me and my brother the centre of his universe. The sun rose and set by his kids.

And though he lived in another city when we became adults, just knowing that he was out there as my biggest cheerleader, I felt I could do anything. So to hear that we were his last thoughts yet again, before he died just shatters my heart into a million pieces.


He was my best friend and confidant in evreything I did. He was the type of person I strived to be.

He is the reason why I will never say good men dont exist because I knew and loved one. as a kid, I was his shadow and looking back I see just how patient and tolerant he was for me constantly being under his foot Bt he was easy to be around.

No, I dont believe in time heals all wounds. It just teaches you how to live with life's changes is all. You find another way of existing because the previous way cannot hold anymore. I think it is a disservice to tell others that life will go back to &quot;normal&quot; someday because your normal can never be the same and you must accpet that in order to heal.


Instead of keeping myself so busy I dont think about it, I think I will put together an album of pictures. I usually cant look at pix of him too long but I will face them today and continue to move forward.

[sistactry]

Re: Sad Anniversaries

do something in his honor, plant a tree if u can or buy some flowers and put around his framed pic of him, maybe that can help to give you some solace?

my Dad was the center of my life too, but he died of old age,

when a person is taken from you suddenly......thats when the grief becomes unbearable~

it hat but hush yaaa!

[Nylah]

Re: Sad Anniversaries


yeah, that sounds like a nice idea. I was going to putter in my garden this evening, so I may run to garden centre and see what I may feel to plant in his memory

[sistactry]

Re: Sad Anniversaries