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Dear Pastor,
I was with my Jamaican boyfriend for about a year and a half before I got pregnant for him. We were very close and I was very much in love with him. I was three months pregnant when he was sent back to Jamaica for overstaying in the United Kingdom. I was devastated.
About one month later, in December 2005, my mother and I went to Jamaica to help him. I decided that I would get married to him. We have tried on numerous occasions to get his visa for him to travel to the United Kingdom, but the embassy has repeatedly refused to grant him the visa. He has been in Jamaica for over three-and-a-half years. I used to send him money and help out when I could. I also went to Jamaica a few times to see him and to give him the opportunity to see his son.
Now, I have changed. I am 27 years old and I feel like I have grown. I feel like I cannot move forward with this situation of having to go to Jamaica or help him out with money. It is as if my life is standing still because of him. But this is the year for change. I'm looking after my son on my own. I am working and I also look forward to starting a new college course in the evenings. I know Jamaica is hard, but it really annoys me when he asks me to send him money when I'm here, all alone, looking after our child.
I have told him on many occasions that things between us have changed but he is not interested in hearing me. I cannot believe that he is not seeing another woman in Jamaica. He tells me that he loves me all the time, but we have lived apart longer than we have been together. I have not been back in over one year.
I have recently been seeing someone else, who is not the perfect man in anyway, but as I get lonely I need some male company. I'm not saying that I wish to be with this guy, but the fact is I'm seeing another man; however, I have not told my husband as yet!
end of the road?
Do you think it's the end of the road for me and my husband or do you think I should keep trying and hope that one day he will be back? I don't feel as though I am in love with him anymore because I have been seeing someone else.
I would like your input on this matter, please. My mother keeps on saying that my husband and I will be together, but I'm not sure if I want that. <span style="font-weight: bold">I would just hold on to our marriage because I believe that children should be brought up with both mother and father <span style="font-style: italic">in the home </span></span>and not through single parenting.
S.H., London, England
Dear S.H.,
I am sorry to hear that your husband was deported. I believe that when you came to Jamaica and got married to him, you meant well. However, you should have checked with the British High Commission in Jamaica before marrying him. They would have advised you whether marrying him would have made it easier for him to return to England.
There are many people who believe that coming to Jamaica and marrying people who are deported will get them back to England or North America without a long struggle. But they are mistaken.
Every case is dealt on its own merit, so the British High Commission should have been contacted and their suggestions respected.
I understand how stressful it is for you not having your husband around, but you need to be commended for being a good mother to his child and for helping him financially from time to time. You believe that he has taken advantage of you, by always asking for money. He should try to get himself a job and he should be sending you money to take care of his son.
It would seem to me that the love that you had for him has died or is dying. And having a new man in your life is the last nail on the coffin. It is up to you whether you think the time is right to tell him about your new man. I can only assure you of my prayers.
I was with my Jamaican boyfriend for about a year and a half before I got pregnant for him. We were very close and I was very much in love with him. I was three months pregnant when he was sent back to Jamaica for overstaying in the United Kingdom. I was devastated.
About one month later, in December 2005, my mother and I went to Jamaica to help him. I decided that I would get married to him. We have tried on numerous occasions to get his visa for him to travel to the United Kingdom, but the embassy has repeatedly refused to grant him the visa. He has been in Jamaica for over three-and-a-half years. I used to send him money and help out when I could. I also went to Jamaica a few times to see him and to give him the opportunity to see his son.
Now, I have changed. I am 27 years old and I feel like I have grown. I feel like I cannot move forward with this situation of having to go to Jamaica or help him out with money. It is as if my life is standing still because of him. But this is the year for change. I'm looking after my son on my own. I am working and I also look forward to starting a new college course in the evenings. I know Jamaica is hard, but it really annoys me when he asks me to send him money when I'm here, all alone, looking after our child.
I have told him on many occasions that things between us have changed but he is not interested in hearing me. I cannot believe that he is not seeing another woman in Jamaica. He tells me that he loves me all the time, but we have lived apart longer than we have been together. I have not been back in over one year.
I have recently been seeing someone else, who is not the perfect man in anyway, but as I get lonely I need some male company. I'm not saying that I wish to be with this guy, but the fact is I'm seeing another man; however, I have not told my husband as yet!
end of the road?
Do you think it's the end of the road for me and my husband or do you think I should keep trying and hope that one day he will be back? I don't feel as though I am in love with him anymore because I have been seeing someone else.
I would like your input on this matter, please. My mother keeps on saying that my husband and I will be together, but I'm not sure if I want that. <span style="font-weight: bold">I would just hold on to our marriage because I believe that children should be brought up with both mother and father <span style="font-style: italic">in the home </span></span>and not through single parenting.
S.H., London, England
Dear S.H.,
I am sorry to hear that your husband was deported. I believe that when you came to Jamaica and got married to him, you meant well. However, you should have checked with the British High Commission in Jamaica before marrying him. They would have advised you whether marrying him would have made it easier for him to return to England.
There are many people who believe that coming to Jamaica and marrying people who are deported will get them back to England or North America without a long struggle. But they are mistaken.
Every case is dealt on its own merit, so the British High Commission should have been contacted and their suggestions respected.
I understand how stressful it is for you not having your husband around, but you need to be commended for being a good mother to his child and for helping him financially from time to time. You believe that he has taken advantage of you, by always asking for money. He should try to get himself a job and he should be sending you money to take care of his son.
It would seem to me that the love that you had for him has died or is dying. And having a new man in your life is the last nail on the coffin. It is up to you whether you think the time is right to tell him about your new man. I can only assure you of my prayers.
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