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My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. Our story is more than that tho, since we were both each other's first loves/high school sweethearts. I broke up with him back then because I was scared to get pregnant. I migrated shortly after that and we never saw each other for 15 years.
In that time, I got married and divorced and he fathered a daughter. His daughter is now ten years old.
Two and a half years ago, we ran into each other while he was vacationing in NY and we started communicating and subsequently started a long distance relationship. For a while prior to that, I had started making plans to return to Jamaica, so I was thrilled when he told me he had no interest in living in the US. He has a very good career in JA. When we started dating again, he'd just ended his relationship with his child's mother. Shortly after we started dating, we both committed that we were going to do this - you know, get married, build a house, have kids, the works. I did get pregnant, and lost my baby at 32 weeks. We suffered terribly through that period, and he was with me the entire time.
Lost another child to ectopic pregnancy about ten months after that, and my job about a month later.
Of course without a second thought, I knew I needed to just come home, even for a while, get started with building our house, a business etc.
Now, I've been in JA for a little over a month, and of course what you don't get a chance to see long distance, you get to see when you lay next to your man at night, right?
Ok, so here is my problem, and maybe I'm making much out of this situation, but I really need some input here.
My boyfriend is a phone/tech geek, not by profession, but by nature. So a couple weeks ago, he was switching out the memory cards in our phones. He swapped the sim cards in our phones and handed my phone back to show me the difference in clarity. While I was looking at my phone (remember, it now has his sim card), his child's mother sent him a text.
"A so when ur woman deh bout...blah, blah, blah"
He took the phone out of my hand before I could finish reading. Instantly, I got [censored] off, even though I didn't say anything to him. [censored] off because I couldn't understand why she was referencing me in her communication to him, and in what seem a negative way.
We were at home another day a few days later, and she text him again while he was in the shower. Of course now, I've become curious about all her communication with him. The next text read:
"Can you talk or u deh pon lock down?"
Now, since then, I've wanted to say something to him, but didn't know how to bring it up.
I was home one day after that, and I received a text from his phone meant for someone else, wishing the person happy birthday and telling the person how he couldn't wait to see them later. When I got the text I froze. And before I could even focus my eyes to re-read the text, he called, explaining how his cousin had borrowed his phone to send the text and sent it to the wrong person, blah blah blah. We argued over it, he called his cousin, and his cousin confirmed his story. I told him I was okay with what he said, but really I don't know that I believe it. I think I just want to believe it more than anything else, because we're in the process of getting our life together started.
Here is my biggest problem. Every time I turn around, his child's mother is calling him, in addition to the texts. Four, five, six times a day. We're laying in bed at night, the first call in the morning, we're in the bank signing papers together - there she is ringing his phone. I mean CONSTANTLY.
[censored] is she calling him for? Is this typical when ur in a relationship with someone who has a child with someone else? I mean, I know she's not calling him about his kid. One time I heard him giving her advice about her cell phone, so basically, I think she just feels like he's the go to guy for all her issues.
At what point does this become too much? And at what point do I get in his face and demand that he stop her from calling his phone? And for that matter, why is she texting him? If you have an issue to discuss re your daughter, because as far as I think, that is the only thing you need to be communicating about, you call him, right? I mean, not ten times a day. Once a day, I could probably deal with, and I think that is being extremely lenient. Once or twice a week should really suffice.
I mean, honestly, this is really getting to me.
When we just started dating again, I was friends with my ex, and he got so [censored] off when I told him I went to my ex's restaurant to eat.
Why should I have to put up with this? I mean, every time his phone rings now, I can literally feel myself get tense. I need some advice on how to handle this. Is this serious enough that it's worth the big argument that I'm sure will ensue? Help!
In that time, I got married and divorced and he fathered a daughter. His daughter is now ten years old.
Two and a half years ago, we ran into each other while he was vacationing in NY and we started communicating and subsequently started a long distance relationship. For a while prior to that, I had started making plans to return to Jamaica, so I was thrilled when he told me he had no interest in living in the US. He has a very good career in JA. When we started dating again, he'd just ended his relationship with his child's mother. Shortly after we started dating, we both committed that we were going to do this - you know, get married, build a house, have kids, the works. I did get pregnant, and lost my baby at 32 weeks. We suffered terribly through that period, and he was with me the entire time.
Lost another child to ectopic pregnancy about ten months after that, and my job about a month later.
Of course without a second thought, I knew I needed to just come home, even for a while, get started with building our house, a business etc.
Now, I've been in JA for a little over a month, and of course what you don't get a chance to see long distance, you get to see when you lay next to your man at night, right?
Ok, so here is my problem, and maybe I'm making much out of this situation, but I really need some input here.
My boyfriend is a phone/tech geek, not by profession, but by nature. So a couple weeks ago, he was switching out the memory cards in our phones. He swapped the sim cards in our phones and handed my phone back to show me the difference in clarity. While I was looking at my phone (remember, it now has his sim card), his child's mother sent him a text.
"A so when ur woman deh bout...blah, blah, blah"
He took the phone out of my hand before I could finish reading. Instantly, I got [censored] off, even though I didn't say anything to him. [censored] off because I couldn't understand why she was referencing me in her communication to him, and in what seem a negative way.
We were at home another day a few days later, and she text him again while he was in the shower. Of course now, I've become curious about all her communication with him. The next text read:
"Can you talk or u deh pon lock down?"
Now, since then, I've wanted to say something to him, but didn't know how to bring it up.
I was home one day after that, and I received a text from his phone meant for someone else, wishing the person happy birthday and telling the person how he couldn't wait to see them later. When I got the text I froze. And before I could even focus my eyes to re-read the text, he called, explaining how his cousin had borrowed his phone to send the text and sent it to the wrong person, blah blah blah. We argued over it, he called his cousin, and his cousin confirmed his story. I told him I was okay with what he said, but really I don't know that I believe it. I think I just want to believe it more than anything else, because we're in the process of getting our life together started.
Here is my biggest problem. Every time I turn around, his child's mother is calling him, in addition to the texts. Four, five, six times a day. We're laying in bed at night, the first call in the morning, we're in the bank signing papers together - there she is ringing his phone. I mean CONSTANTLY.
[censored] is she calling him for? Is this typical when ur in a relationship with someone who has a child with someone else? I mean, I know she's not calling him about his kid. One time I heard him giving her advice about her cell phone, so basically, I think she just feels like he's the go to guy for all her issues.
At what point does this become too much? And at what point do I get in his face and demand that he stop her from calling his phone? And for that matter, why is she texting him? If you have an issue to discuss re your daughter, because as far as I think, that is the only thing you need to be communicating about, you call him, right? I mean, not ten times a day. Once a day, I could probably deal with, and I think that is being extremely lenient. Once or twice a week should really suffice.
I mean, honestly, this is really getting to me.
When we just started dating again, I was friends with my ex, and he got so [censored] off when I told him I went to my ex's restaurant to eat.
Why should I have to put up with this? I mean, every time his phone rings now, I can literally feel myself get tense. I need some advice on how to handle this. Is this serious enough that it's worth the big argument that I'm sure will ensue? Help!
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