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Omari Hardwick on What It Means When Black Men Date Outside Their Race
As Told to Kenya N. Byrd
The interracial dating debate always raises a level of sensitivity among Black women, especially when it comes to brothers courting women who don't look like "us." It's nothing that we can't escape, and with recent heated discussions and opinions about NFL great , who shared his unadulterated views about whether love is truly color blind or if a brother shouldn't bring any woman home that can't use his mama's comb."All my life I've only brought sisters home to meet my family, but my ex-girlfriend who I dated for three years happened to be Native American and German. When I brought her home, my mother and family embraced her. Last November, we lost our baby and she sacrificed a lot because her family pretty much disowned her because she was dating me, and in the end it didn't work out. But, just because I happened to date outside of my race, it doesn't mean I'm running away from sisters. I have a younger sister who I think is perfect—beautiful and educated. What I think sisters need to understand is that a real brother like myself knows that no one can compare to a sister. We're not sitting around with the boys and when a sister walks by, thinking, "I love that sister across the street, but I'm going to go and holler at this White girl." I consider myself a real brother, and there's nothing more that I appreciate than the swag and sway in a Black woman's security—that is just a little untouchable.Still, every once in a while you might happen to meet someone who is outside of your race, and although they might not have everything a sister has, and again, the reality is that they never will, you can appreciate those things they do have that you find endearing and attractive. And even throughout the dating process there's a conversation you end up having with yourself if you decide to date a woman outside your race because you remember how you were raised that makes you think, I can't date this woman or bring her home. Believe me, I do understand the judgment sisters pass on brothers because if you don't know somebody you have to make an opinion about them based on appearances.Honestly, I didn't need to worry about anyone else judging me about the woman I was dating because I was harshly judging myself. So much so that it wasn't until later on in our relationship that I became more comfortable holding my ex-girlfriend's hand publicly because in a sense I was holding a mirror in the other hand trying to see who was watching because she wasn't my Beyoncé or my Bahamadia. It's a hard judgment to lie to yourself and expect a relationship will work cloaked in lies. It wasn't fair to her, me or our relationship because I loved her, she had my heart and I was finally able to accept that after two years of being together I wasn't doing something wrong. So what I've learned through my personal experience of interracial dating is that sometimes you might be able to help who you love but sometimes love just happens when you least expect it and when it does you have to be able to embrace it with an open heart.
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Foolish and stupid!!
What a day that would be.
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