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Husband married me for papers
Dear Pastor,
I have read your column and the advice that you have given to people, and I find your encouragement and advice to be very fruitful. I am a 25-year-old woman who has been married for little over a year to a Jamaican man. When we first met, things were great. We were inseparable. Whenever I would visit Jamaica, he made it all about us.
After 11 months of continuous communication and letters, we decided to get married and make things official. After the marriage, things took a turn for the worse. I started noticing the change in attitude and behaviour. Then the phone calls got less and the conversations were shorter. There was less time for us as he was always too busy. <span style="font-weight: bold">While filing for his paperwork, I was, at first, very discouraged because of all the stories that I had heard about sponsoring a man, <span style="font-style: italic">but I refused to believe the allegations</span> and decided to go forth and submit the paperwork. </span>
After his arrival, I began to notice that there was a lot of late night phone calls and sneaking to answer the phone or just avoiding the call altogether. I chose to ignore it being that I trusted my husband.
Within two weeks of him being in the country I did some investigative work and dug deeper into the late night phone calls. I found out that the man who I married was expecting his first child and it was not with me. I was furious and demanded answers. After constant arguments, I realised that they were falling on deaf ears and I was being ignored. I decided to call the girl and ask what was going on. I was not rude at all. <span style="font-weight: bold">In fact, I was very pleasant because I thought that she did not know about me, but to my surprise she did. Her response to my asking what was going on was, "ask him!"</span>
I found out that three months after I got married to this man, he met her in Jamaica. Get this: she was a visitor from another country. She came back to Jamaica two months later and got pregnant by him.
My <span style="font-weight: bold">husband has no standards and his actions disgust me. How could he be so careless?</span> I was raised in a family-oriented household. I strongly believe in marriage, but I think that this man has used me to gain access into the country and he really couldn't care less about what happens in his marriage. He has no care for anything and he has no regard for my feelings. In his eyes, anything goes.
I need your advice as to what I should do to repair the damage to me and to my family. Have a blessed day!
J.D., Ontario, Canada
Dear J.D.,
You and your husband need to see a family counsellor in person. In the meantime, you need to protect yourself from pregnancy because you have a man who does not care what happens. So soon after marrying you, he became sexually involved with another woman and impregnated her. Therefore, it is too early in the relationship to know what this man would do while he is living with you. Right now, he is ignoring you and behaving as if he doesn't care. And you believe that he might have married you to get an opportunity to live in Canada.
By going for counselling, you will be able to assess the situation carefully and determine whether or not your marriage will work. Is he prepared to end the relationship with the girl who is carrying his child? Can you forgive him?
Talk to him about going for counselling but if he is not willing to go, prepare for the worst.
Pastor
Dear Pastor,
I have read your column and the advice that you have given to people, and I find your encouragement and advice to be very fruitful. I am a 25-year-old woman who has been married for little over a year to a Jamaican man. When we first met, things were great. We were inseparable. Whenever I would visit Jamaica, he made it all about us.
After 11 months of continuous communication and letters, we decided to get married and make things official. After the marriage, things took a turn for the worse. I started noticing the change in attitude and behaviour. Then the phone calls got less and the conversations were shorter. There was less time for us as he was always too busy. <span style="font-weight: bold">While filing for his paperwork, I was, at first, very discouraged because of all the stories that I had heard about sponsoring a man, <span style="font-style: italic">but I refused to believe the allegations</span> and decided to go forth and submit the paperwork. </span>
After his arrival, I began to notice that there was a lot of late night phone calls and sneaking to answer the phone or just avoiding the call altogether. I chose to ignore it being that I trusted my husband.
Within two weeks of him being in the country I did some investigative work and dug deeper into the late night phone calls. I found out that the man who I married was expecting his first child and it was not with me. I was furious and demanded answers. After constant arguments, I realised that they were falling on deaf ears and I was being ignored. I decided to call the girl and ask what was going on. I was not rude at all. <span style="font-weight: bold">In fact, I was very pleasant because I thought that she did not know about me, but to my surprise she did. Her response to my asking what was going on was, "ask him!"</span>
I found out that three months after I got married to this man, he met her in Jamaica. Get this: she was a visitor from another country. She came back to Jamaica two months later and got pregnant by him.
My <span style="font-weight: bold">husband has no standards and his actions disgust me. How could he be so careless?</span> I was raised in a family-oriented household. I strongly believe in marriage, but I think that this man has used me to gain access into the country and he really couldn't care less about what happens in his marriage. He has no care for anything and he has no regard for my feelings. In his eyes, anything goes.
I need your advice as to what I should do to repair the damage to me and to my family. Have a blessed day!
J.D., Ontario, Canada
Dear J.D.,
You and your husband need to see a family counsellor in person. In the meantime, you need to protect yourself from pregnancy because you have a man who does not care what happens. So soon after marrying you, he became sexually involved with another woman and impregnated her. Therefore, it is too early in the relationship to know what this man would do while he is living with you. Right now, he is ignoring you and behaving as if he doesn't care. And you believe that he might have married you to get an opportunity to live in Canada.
By going for counselling, you will be able to assess the situation carefully and determine whether or not your marriage will work. Is he prepared to end the relationship with the girl who is carrying his child? Can you forgive him?
Talk to him about going for counselling but if he is not willing to go, prepare for the worst.
Pastor
I agree, she's the idiot. 
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