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or just not that into you?
Dear Counsellor - Laid-back leader
Published: Tuesday | November 17, 2009
Q: <span style="font-weight: bold">The first anniversary</span> of my relationship is a couple of weeks away.
It has largely been a good one.
My partner is part of the management team in a leading financial company. He is witty, considerate, smart and sweet.
However, there is one thing that drives me up the wall. I have to take the initiative.<span style="font-weight: bold"> I visit his home five times a week while he has been to my home thrice for the entire relationship.</span> I am the one with the ideas, where to go and want to do. I feel like I am pursuing him and I would prefer to be pursued. I feel as if I want the relationship more than he wants it. I wish he would know that I want to be pursued.
Do you think this relationship is going anywhere?
A: It is traditional for Jamaican women to feel men should do the pursuing. However, with the advent of women's liberation in the US, things have changed.
You are not comfortable with your role as leader. It would be interesting to know whether you were the first to indicate an interest in him. If you were, then chances are he will not change.
A leader at work
You also indicated he is a leader at work. Some men are leaders at the workplace but they desire a role change at home and are attracted to women who are leaders in relationships. Sometimes it is based on a need for a change. At other times, it has roots in having a dominant mother and the desire for the same in his relationship. You could explore his background.
It appears you have never told him you would like him to take the lead.
You need to determine if you are the dominant type. Perhaps it is your friends who have a problem with your assertiveness.
Visiting him five times a week is too frequent. You are not giving him a chance to visit you. Perhaps, due to exuberance, you are always suggesting things to do, places to go, but you need to slow down and allow him to make some suggestions.
Perhaps on the first anniversary of the relationship you could have a heart-to-heart talk and set different ground rules. Talk about your goals and desires after you have found out his expectations for the relationship.
There is a future in the relationship once you know what you both want, that you are comfortable with your role and can fulfil expectations of each other.
Dear Counsellor - Laid-back leader
Published: Tuesday | November 17, 2009
Q: <span style="font-weight: bold">The first anniversary</span> of my relationship is a couple of weeks away.
It has largely been a good one.
My partner is part of the management team in a leading financial company. He is witty, considerate, smart and sweet.
However, there is one thing that drives me up the wall. I have to take the initiative.<span style="font-weight: bold"> I visit his home five times a week while he has been to my home thrice for the entire relationship.</span> I am the one with the ideas, where to go and want to do. I feel like I am pursuing him and I would prefer to be pursued. I feel as if I want the relationship more than he wants it. I wish he would know that I want to be pursued.
Do you think this relationship is going anywhere?
A: It is traditional for Jamaican women to feel men should do the pursuing. However, with the advent of women's liberation in the US, things have changed.
You are not comfortable with your role as leader. It would be interesting to know whether you were the first to indicate an interest in him. If you were, then chances are he will not change.
A leader at work
You also indicated he is a leader at work. Some men are leaders at the workplace but they desire a role change at home and are attracted to women who are leaders in relationships. Sometimes it is based on a need for a change. At other times, it has roots in having a dominant mother and the desire for the same in his relationship. You could explore his background.
It appears you have never told him you would like him to take the lead.
You need to determine if you are the dominant type. Perhaps it is your friends who have a problem with your assertiveness.
Visiting him five times a week is too frequent. You are not giving him a chance to visit you. Perhaps, due to exuberance, you are always suggesting things to do, places to go, but you need to slow down and allow him to make some suggestions.
Perhaps on the first anniversary of the relationship you could have a heart-to-heart talk and set different ground rules. Talk about your goals and desires after you have found out his expectations for the relationship.
There is a future in the relationship once you know what you both want, that you are comfortable with your role and can fulfil expectations of each other.
Mi waan bax dem dung 
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