Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

[Fyah]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

What I find interesting, is the fact that everyone has to experience it, to really understand just how detrimental a heartbreak can be.

Different people respond differently, but the bottom line is, those who have not experienced it will never, ever understand what it is all about.

I agree. The only thing one can do is to show support (if and when they ask for it) and try and understand, without being judgemental, impatient or condescending...because everyone will get the opportunity to have that experience eventually.

[Wendy]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

Dotcom .. I asked her if she wanted to go to counselling and she rejected the idea. I am not the couselling type either.. when my mind is made up that's it and counselling to her means "reconsilation attempt". I told her I meant for her emotinal state. She still refused.

[Compry]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

Wendy...just echoing what others have said...just be there for her. She will need to make the right decisions for her. Even if it means just sitting on the phone in silence with her. That will help her a great deal.

[Wendy]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: ILP_N_Belly</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The end of a relationship/marriage is the emotional equivalent of a loss or death. In order to move on from both, one must go through the 5 stages: Denial<span style="font-weight: bold">, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance</span>. There is no particular order that one experiences these stages, nor is there an established time period/legth for these stages. Some people may also go through multiple stages at the same time.

In order for your cousin to move on...she must go through each of the stages. Support her and love her through it.

</div></div>

You know I have to admit that she maybe taking this hard because she so young. She is young in her late 20s so shi noh really battle tested if you will. I am supporting her through it. As Twiney and smaddyelese said - they at the point in their lives weh dem is more like - &quot;NEXT!&quot; and move on She is in Philly so mi noh deh no where near mi which sucks for me In my support I am still going to have to push the positives to her even if that's not what she wants to hear now. I think she needs that more than anything else

[Yvonne N.]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

Wendy:<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">... she maybe taking this hard because she so young... </div></div>

It's called 'learning as you grow'.

Nobody ever believes it's going to happen to them...and so they aren't even anywhere near being mentally or emotionally prepared to face the roller-coaster ride when they get to that ball-park.

No matter how many <span style="font-style: italic">heart-breaker</span> movies one has seen or how many love-songs of heart-break one may have heard, it is always a shock when heartbreak presents itself to you.

Continue your form of therapy......just listen...even though the stories are the same over and over again...

((Wendy's coz))

[Wendy]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mrs_Ahmidis</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Wendy:<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">... she maybe taking this hard because she so young... </div></div>

It's called 'learning as you grow'.

</div></div>

True. The growth thing is what I am trying to convey to her. This too shall pass and she has to grow from it.

She sent me an email this afternoon. Sey she booked a flight home XMAS eve to be with family. I told her that's food. The fresh cool breeze and sunshine and most of all family will be good for her. I got a touch of her sense of humor coming back when she wrote - <span style="font-style: italic">&quot;If mi did have wan more dalla mi woulda mek yuh tek di flight wid mi&quot;. </span>

I know she going to be alright. I just want her to be her old self again (as soon as she can)

[Dr.Dudd]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

People who take break-up hard are the ones that develop a dependence on the person.
They usually demonstrate it by taking the partner for granted.
this is because they see the person as an attachment or limb, of which they are incomplete without.
they do not really love their partner, but they think they do. It is similar to trying to take a persons limb.
they don't love the limb as such.
the limb is just there and it is suppose to be there for ever.
that is why they develop jealousy. One is never jealous about the one the love.
they are always jealous about the things they depend on.
the test of love and dependency is asses between the feeling one have for a person who show love for their children.
and the feeling they have for that same person showing love for their spouse. Now how many of us are in love with our spouse and how many are really psychologically dependent on that spouse?
food for thought.

[twiney]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nylah</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Twiney</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Thank God fi the one smaddy whe did really teach mi a lesson ... lawd if mi marriage end yah now is mi pickney mi would be hurting for more than anything else as fi mi self mi cold and heartless and unno no bother judge me is life turn me that way... </div></div>

wow </div></div>

Young and foolish these songs I played and sang for many days and damn I learned a lot thankfully that ish happened long enough ago for me to realise that loving someone else means letting them go especially since I love me just a little more than I love anyone else.

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[jah_yout]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Wendilina</div><div class="ubbcode-body">It sounds trite, but there's always something everybody can learn from every relationship experience. I have a cousin now that is ending her marriage after 6 years and she is taking it so hard to the point of bitterness.

I try to tell her that the seed of this &quot;failure&quot; is what will fuel her to a better relationship. Past relationships suppose to give you a clearer picture of what you want and what you don't want in a relationship if you take the time to examine them. Even the relationships that are the most troubling can be such gifts.

People come and go in our lives and I believe the impact of these relationships on our lives can all be great. Mi trying to convince her that instead of looking at a relationship that didn't work out the way she had hoped as a failure, she should look at it as a growth experience and move forward and make room for the type of partner she wanted to be with an no worry wid dis &quot;woe is me&quot; and &quot;the world is ending&quot; attitude.

Mi hardly eva know anyone dat come off worserer afta a break up in the long run. Maybe one day she will get it.

</div></div>

i think it's basically an issue of loss...everyone deals with loss in different ways...society has bred people to be very insecure and to base their own worth on how they relate to someone else...
society has taught women that to be 'dumped' or end up an 'old maid' is the worst possible destiny on earth...has taught men that they only become human when they have a woman;
so people get tied up in another person &amp; we see the results...
i've never seen greater hate than i do between people who once professed to 'love' each other...


<span style="font-style: italic">i want a love i can feel
that's the only kind of love i think is real
don't want to going by something i heard
cause baby actions speak louder than words</span>

[nattydreadgirl]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: jah_yout</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Wendilina</div><div class="ubbcode-body">It sounds trite, but there's always something everybody can learn from every relationship experience. I have a cousin now that is ending her marriage after 6 years and she is taking it so hard to the point of bitterness.

I try to tell her that the seed of this &quot;failure&quot; is what will fuel her to a better relationship. Past relationships suppose to give you a clearer picture of what you want and what you don't want in a relationship if you take the time to examine them. Even the relationships that are the most troubling can be such gifts.

People come and go in our lives and I believe the impact of these relationships on our lives can all be great. Mi trying to convince her that instead of looking at a relationship that didn't work out the way she had hoped as a failure, she should look at it as a growth experience and move forward and make room for the type of partner she wanted to be with an no worry wid dis &quot;woe is me&quot; and &quot;the world is ending&quot; attitude.

Mi hardly eva know anyone dat come off worserer afta a break up in the long run. Maybe one day she will get it.

</div></div>

i think it's basically an issue of loss...everyone deals with loss in different ways...society has bred people to be very insecure and to base their own worth on how they relate to someone else...
<span style="font-weight: bold">society has taught women that to be 'dumped' or end up an 'old maid' is the worst possible destiny on earth...</span>has taught men that they only become human when they have a woman;
so people get tied up in another person &amp; we see the results...
i've never seen greater hate than i do between people who once professed to 'love' each other...


<span style="font-style: italic">i want a love i can feel
that's the only kind of love i think is real
don't want to going by something i heard
cause baby actions speak louder than words</span> </div></div>

sad but true....I know of a 27 year old woman that is making all kinds of relationship mistakes, desperate to get married. Very poor choice that she is making, ignoring all red flags for the sake of wanting to be married. Funny, everyone can see that he is not the one except for her. She is justfying (sp) all the BS in the relationship. Breaks my heart.

[Wendy]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><span style="font-weight: bold">society has taught women that to be 'dumped' or end up an 'old maid' is the worst possible destiny on earth</span>...has taught men that they only become human when they have a woman;
so people get tied up in another person &amp; we see the results...
</div></div>

Aint that the truth. What I am trying to say to her is that she needs to allow herself this mistake. She is not the first and won't be the last to make such mistakes and life does go on.

But yuh right.. sometimes people get convinced that breakups are the worst thing that could ever happen to them based on what they are “taught”. I used to believe that forgetting about someone is one of the hardest things in life, especially if you had the feeling that the person was the one. But I learned over time you can convince your subconscious mind to get over someone and accept that the breakup happened and take it for what it is.

I agree a big part of the pain experienced after a breakup is not related to the person we loved but to our hurt Egos, shaken self confidence, worries about the future and the feelings of loneliness. I try to tell her to separate the bad feelings piece by piece so she can understand the root cause of each and I think she will be able to heal in a way that is healthy for her.