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<span style="font-weight: bold">Our husbands, boyfriends, baby daddies may not be perfect, but as columnist Jill Scott points out, neither are we.
"My girlfriend is having trouble with her baby's daddy. They had a wild tumultuous relationship for three years, full satellite highs and spiteful lows and screamfests so intense that even though she misses him from time to time, she's mostly grateful they are through. She thought she would have been married when she had her first child but alas, another dream deferred. Her ex doesn't visit or send things for their child the way she hoped he would. He barely even calls to check on the two of them. She struggles through every day with the wish that he'll find his way to fatherly affection, but so far, no dice.
Now that her feelings for her child's father have subsided somewhat, she says she is looking for a partner who is indeed a man, someone with character and money, who is kind and loving, a friend she can rely on. She calls him "a real man," a decent, God-loving, honest human being who will cherish and adore her and her child.
But nothing is ever really that simple. They say when a man and a woman truly commit, the universe aligns itself to assure their success. But before my girlfriend can give that kind of commitment, there is still work to be done. Since she wants a patient, trustworthy, doting and hardworking man, she must be all these things, too. Quite honestly, at the moment she's not. She has to make some very real changes in herself to get who and what she wants. A man, even one with all the right characteristics, can be pushed in the wrong direction. Every powerful man needs an even more powerful woman behind him, but she has to be gentle with him too.
My friend is a "rager." She uses harsh, hurtful words when in a heated debate, especially with a man. She copied that trait from her three-timed-divorced mother. Who really wants to deal with that? A man is not a slab of iron that can be hammered into a desired form. He's flesh and bone., like us. Men get afraid. They may show it differently or in exactly the way we do. Some men cry. Most should. Men get depressed and lonely. Most are far more sensitive than we can imagine. Is that sensitive man not a real man? We wouldn't want someone to berate us and make us fell less than ourselves during difficult times.. we should want a team player, a partner who digs in his heels to keep our dream alive and our foundation supported. Being "a real man" doesn't mean he can take hell from us even if he loves us. The truth is, we get what we give. Since the very beginning of bedtime storied, little girls have fantasized about a prince. He will ride in and save us from all the painful, evil forces. We watch movies dripping with make-believe romance, and we expect an orange moon. Tiffany's boxes and countless hours of lovemaking. But the reality of romance will keep some of us looking forever. Nobody is perfect. Each and every one of us has issues-with family, with health or money, with past relationships. We all want to be happy and loved, but who are we to just sit back and expect it? We have to keep working, keep getting better. That doesn't mean we can't find the perfect partner. It means that the person who is our perfect match won't be perfect at all. I'm just sayin"
Jill Scott is a Grammy Award-winning artist, writer, actress, philanthropist and mother. Her next column will appear in the May issue.
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"My girlfriend is having trouble with her baby's daddy. They had a wild tumultuous relationship for three years, full satellite highs and spiteful lows and screamfests so intense that even though she misses him from time to time, she's mostly grateful they are through. She thought she would have been married when she had her first child but alas, another dream deferred. Her ex doesn't visit or send things for their child the way she hoped he would. He barely even calls to check on the two of them. She struggles through every day with the wish that he'll find his way to fatherly affection, but so far, no dice.
Now that her feelings for her child's father have subsided somewhat, she says she is looking for a partner who is indeed a man, someone with character and money, who is kind and loving, a friend she can rely on. She calls him "a real man," a decent, God-loving, honest human being who will cherish and adore her and her child.
But nothing is ever really that simple. They say when a man and a woman truly commit, the universe aligns itself to assure their success. But before my girlfriend can give that kind of commitment, there is still work to be done. Since she wants a patient, trustworthy, doting and hardworking man, she must be all these things, too. Quite honestly, at the moment she's not. She has to make some very real changes in herself to get who and what she wants. A man, even one with all the right characteristics, can be pushed in the wrong direction. Every powerful man needs an even more powerful woman behind him, but she has to be gentle with him too.
My friend is a "rager." She uses harsh, hurtful words when in a heated debate, especially with a man. She copied that trait from her three-timed-divorced mother. Who really wants to deal with that? A man is not a slab of iron that can be hammered into a desired form. He's flesh and bone., like us. Men get afraid. They may show it differently or in exactly the way we do. Some men cry. Most should. Men get depressed and lonely. Most are far more sensitive than we can imagine. Is that sensitive man not a real man? We wouldn't want someone to berate us and make us fell less than ourselves during difficult times.. we should want a team player, a partner who digs in his heels to keep our dream alive and our foundation supported. Being "a real man" doesn't mean he can take hell from us even if he loves us. The truth is, we get what we give. Since the very beginning of bedtime storied, little girls have fantasized about a prince. He will ride in and save us from all the painful, evil forces. We watch movies dripping with make-believe romance, and we expect an orange moon. Tiffany's boxes and countless hours of lovemaking. But the reality of romance will keep some of us looking forever. Nobody is perfect. Each and every one of us has issues-with family, with health or money, with past relationships. We all want to be happy and loved, but who are we to just sit back and expect it? We have to keep working, keep getting better. That doesn't mean we can't find the perfect partner. It means that the person who is our perfect match won't be perfect at all. I'm just sayin"
Jill Scott is a Grammy Award-winning artist, writer, actress, philanthropist and mother. Her next column will appear in the May issue.
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Jill Scott is da bombity bomb! 
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