Content to be Single Forever?

[JamBrit]

Is it possible?

Discuss....

[Compry]

Re: Content to be Single Forever?

Hi JamBrit.

Yes, it is possible. My Aunt Rose, never got married and only spoke about one man. She was content raising all the nieces, nephews and grands.

[Nylah]

Re: Content to be Single Forever?


but do you think it was true contentment with being single, or that she decided to accept the cards that life dealt her?

or do you think those things are the same thing?

IMHO, they arent but others may see it differently.

[CeaBee]

Re: Content to be Single Forever?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">and only spoke about one man.</div></div>

she was a widow, or the one man did break her heart?

[JamBrit]

Re: Content to be Single Forever?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Compray</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Hi JamBrit.

Yes, it is possible. My Aunt Rose, never got married and only spoke about one man. She was content raising all the nieces, nephews and grands. </div></div>

Hi Compray....I have an aunt too who never got married or entered into another relationship after her husband passed away (over 35 years ago)...but he was very abusive to her so it wasn't as if she loved him and couldn't love another. I think he scarred her for life so she would never give another man a chance.

Didn't your aunt ever miss male companionship? Smaddy to grow old with?

[JamBrit]

Re: Content to be Single Forever?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nylah</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
but do you think it was true contentment with being single, or that she decided to accept the cards that life dealt her? </div></div>

but is it a matter of the cards that life &quot;dealt&quot; her or how she played them?

[Nylah]

Re: Content to be Single Forever?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: JamBrit</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nylah</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
but do you think it was true contentment with being single, or that she decided to accept the cards that life dealt her? </div></div>

but is it a matter of the cards that life &quot;dealt&quot; her or how she played them? </div></div>

wicked point this This is what I was building up to.

I dont doubt that some people should never be married, or have kids but for those who do want to be with someone but decide to accept that they dont need or have anyone of quality to choose from, then it isnt truly about contentment aboout <span style="font-weight: bold">singleness itself.</span>

sometimes if we dont have who we want in our lives, it is about how <span style="font-weight: bold">we are </span>moreso than there not being someone out there for us.

looking in the mirror and dealing with your own reflection is a hard thing to do for many.

[sistacaf]

Re: Content to be Single Forever?

totally possible IMHO. as a <span style="text-decoration: underline">choice</span> i mean, not just 'dealing with cards that are dealt'.

at this point i am <span style="font-style: italic">so over</span> it with controlling petty selfishness, and having to alter my behavior to compensate others' insecurities, that if i have to subjugate myself to ridiculous demands just to be 'in a relationship', i'd rather not bother with the whole stupid mess. it's more important to me to be myself - without being judged, criticized, and restricted for my way of thinking - than be forced to comply with the BeeEss that seems to be required to keep a relationship. it's not like it was back the old days when women 'had to' accept whatever cause they were dependent upon a man for survival. nowadays we can earn our own money and take care of weselves; being with a man is a choice, not a need or obligation or duty.

of course if there are any men out there who don't behave like that i'd still consider a relationship - but it seems like nearly all men want to control women, and nearly none of them know how to <span style="font-weight: bold">relate with</span> an intelligent, strong, independent lady. I know it is possible, i've seen it - my dad, uncles, and bro are my examples.... they respect their women and consider them to be equal partners. that doesn't mean they 'do' all the same things equally, but that their wives have equal say in their lives together, are respected for their input and opinions, considered and included in important decisions, etc.

But very very few men are like them. Most men seem to equate receiving 'respect' from their woman as &quot;obeying&quot; them, forcing their women to do what 'they' want at all times, or be denigrated or put down for having opposing POV's. which i will not accept.

at this point, for me it has to be two ppl relating as grown adults of equal value, being fair &amp; respecting <span style="font-style: italic">each other</span> - or i'd rather not have the relationship at all. I could enjoy a man's company without being committed to him, living together, or having to 'obey' like i'm a child. and at this point that suits me just fine.

(and yeh sister nylah, that does mean what you think it means.... am only biding my time now til i can get out.)

[Nylah]

Re: Content to be Single Forever?


my girl, I hear you, I hear you
You just continue to do you and everything will work out

I agree with all that you have said as well. When you have to choose to give up your soul in order to be in a relationship, and having a relationship then contentment will be found in being single for sure. I have avoided relationships for jsut that reason. I cant take being with someone AND being unhappy. I can do misery all by my damn self

I was thinking from the perspective of Compry's aunt.
I dont know her and I may be reflecting stuff on to her but her &quot;choice&quot; reminds me of many of my friends.

I hear so many friends say that they cant find anyone etc. (that included myself at one point) but when I take an honest stock of my friends and their ways, it is becuase they have some demons to work out and they attract mad men just like them because of it, so they choose not be alone.

This different from being cool by yourself because you know who you are and can enjoy your own company.

I may be splitting hairs but I think it needs to be split Some say they are happy cause they dont want to face their iinteral misery and I can see thru that most times. And others are happy on their own cause they do know themselves and arent avoiding thier demons.

[Peasie]

Re: Content to be Single Forever?

Some people are never content whether they are single or married. I would rather be content and single forever than married and discontent for any amount of time.

[Compry]

Re: Content to be Single Forever?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CeaBee</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">and only spoke about one man.</div></div>

she was a widow, or the one man did break her heart? </div></div>

He passed through the district where we lived. Got friendly with her, said he would return but never did. I don't think he broke her heart but in thinking about it now, I think she would have loved to see him again.

[Compry]

Re: Content to be Single Forever?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: JamBrit</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Compray</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Hi JamBrit.

Yes, it is possible. My Aunt Rose, never got married and only spoke about one man. She was content raising all the nieces, nephews and grands. </div></div>

Hi Compray....I have an aunt too who never got married or entered into another relationship after her husband passed away (over 35 years ago)...but he was very abusive to her so it wasn't as if she loved him and couldn't love another. I think he scarred her for life so she would never give another man a chance.

Didn't your aunt ever miss male companionship? Smaddy to grow old with? </div></div>

I can't speak for her secret desires because we all have those. However she was so busy always taking care of someone that her life was very full. Funny enough, she passed away a year after we (the grands) left Jamaica. We were the last set that she was raising.

[JamBrit]

Re: Content to be Single Forever?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: sistacaf</div><div class="ubbcode-body">totally possible IMHO. as a <span style="text-decoration: underline">choice</span> i mean, not just 'dealing with cards that are dealt'.

at this point i am <span style="font-style: italic">so over</span> it with controlling petty selfishness that if i have to subjugate myself to ridiculous demands just to be 'in a relationship', i'd rather not bother with the whole stupid mess. it's more important to me to be myself, without being judged, restricted, and critized for my way of thinking, than be forced to comply with the BeeEss that seems to be required to keep a relationship. it's not like it was back the old days when women 'had to' accept whatever cause they were dependent upon a man for survival. nowadays we can earn our own money and take care of weselves, and being with a man is a choice, not an obligation or duty.

of course if there are any men out there who don't behave like that i'd still consider a relationship - but it seems like nearly all men want to control women, and nearly none of them know how to <span style="font-weight: bold">relate with</span> an intelligent, strong, independent lady. I know it is possible, i've seen it - my dad, uncles, and bro are my examples.... they respet their womoen and consider tem to be equal partners. that doesn't mean they 'do' all the same things equally, but that their wives have equal say in their lives together, respected for thier input, considered and included in important decisions, etc. But very very few men are like them. Most men seem to equate receiving 'respect' from their woman as &quot;obeying&quot; them, forcing their women to do what 'they' want at all times, or be denigrated or putdown for having opposing POV's. which i will not accept.

at this point, for me it has to be two ppl relating as grown adults of equal value, being fair &amp; respecting <span style="font-style: italic">each other</span> - or i'd rather not have the relationship at all.

(and yeh sister nylah, that does mean what you think it means.... am only biding my time now til i can get out.)


</div></div>

Well said sistacaf I'm with you. I'm also at a point in my life where I am over with the demands of a relationship...Obviously I just have not met the right person yet, but I feel as though I don't ever want to take the chance again.....

[JamBrit]

Re: Content to be Single Forever?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nylah</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
sometimes if we dont have who we want in our lives, it is about how <span style="font-weight: bold">we are </span>moreso than there not being someone out there for us.

looking in the mirror and dealing with your own reflection is a hard thing to do for many. </div></div>

I agree...

[sistacaf]

Re: Content to be Single Forever?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> I would rather be content and single forever than married and discontent for any amount of time.</div></div>

yes peasie, exactly.

nyler i don't think that is splitting hairs at all. i think it is an intelligent distinction that identifies two different dynamics.

i dunno bout the whole 'heartbroken by someone who never returns' thing. something about that suggests a person who closes themself off and just gives up, rather than take another chance with a different person. i'm a firm believer in gettin back on the horse that threw me... you gotta play to even have a chance to win. just cause one person behaves a way doesn't mean all others will do the same.

which is, again, a totally different thing from one's spouse passing, and not ever wanting another. That one, i know - altho not my spouse, my 'One' also passed, and while i did pick myself up and move on with open heart &amp; mind to new relationships, it is becoming more and more clear over time, that nobody else can (so far) even come CLOSE to that One. Not on the same scale &amp; not even in the ROOM with the scale. and i'm just sick and effin tired of what passes for 'relating', with some of the others i've encountered.