DIL vs MIL?

[Nunya]

The DIL always insist on the son taking care of his mother. She's always pushing him to call her, buy her things etc.

The MIL cannot stand the DIL. She is under the impression that her DIL is tryna prevent her son from doing more for her. She thinks the DIL begrudges whatever the son does.

The DIL is a white Canadian. Hubby is Canadian born but his mom is Jamaican.

The few times that DIL goes over to MIL's house (always with hubby), MIL treats her like she has the plague. I've seen them together and it's downright embarrassing. MIL will talk loudly in her broadest patois but ensuring that DIL understands, that she has no time for 'nawsy white people'.

DIL learnt early on not to offer to cook or clean for MIL cause MIL would just insult her offer.

Now, DIL has learnt that she's pregnant. She hasn't told hubby cause she's dreading him telling his mother. Frankly, she's working herself up to quite a state cause she can't bear the thought of MIL being around the baby. She thinks that MIL will try to poison the child against her.

As for the son - he's a selfish lout in my opinion. He hardly remembers his mother. Unless his wife <span style="font-style: italic">tells</span> him, he prolly wouldn't go visit or call his mom more than once a year.

He's a nice enough guy, but he cannot see the issue between his wife and his mother. He thinks his wife is making a big deal about things and will excuse his mother's behaviour by saying that's how Jamaicans are...

What a mess.

[Nylah]

Re: DIL vs MIL?



so why the DIL keep pushing her husband to have a relationship with his mom if he isnt trying himself?

that would keep the MIL out of their lives if she just left things alone.

[Nunya]

Re: DIL vs MIL?

I guess cause she has a great relationship with her own mother.

[diabolical_Tanya]

Re: DIL vs MIL?

DIL needs to grow some balls because obviously hubby aint got none, an put MIL in her place

An mek it clear that shi (MIL) aint gonna be around HER baby with that kinda attitude.

[Nylah]

Re: DIL vs MIL?


but, but, but he seems to disregard his own mom for a reason...I mean it is noble and all for her, but she is getting kicked in the face by both for her efforts.

if she left it alone then she probably wouldnt have to fret so much about the MIL's negative involvement.....

[Nunya]

Re: DIL vs MIL?

Here's the thing: When she tells him, he's going to tell his mom. This is his first child so he's going to be over the moon. It will be MIL's only grandchild.

If DIL stops pushing him to reach out to his mother, MIL is definitely going blame the lack of contact on DIL. Knowing MIL, she'll prolly call her son's house and mek up pere nize.

DIL is not an aggressive person. She's very sweet tempered and has tried to talk to MIL on more than one occasion. MIL just kisses her teeth and pretends not to understand what 'the white girl' is on about...

[Nylah]

Re: DIL vs MIL?


well she kinda dug her own grave in the beginning. She is damned if she does and damned if she doesnt.

the lynch pin in all of this is the husband. If he cant step up and defence his wife and put his mum in place, her life is gonna be hel either way.

[Peasie]

Re: DIL vs MIL?

While DIL has no control over her MIL's outrageous behavior, she has control over her own response to MIL. When next she is in her presence even among others, DIL will have to call out MIL on her outbursts. For e.g., DIL could say, &quot;Excuse me, did I hear you just say that all white people are nasty?&quot; in a tone that is both quizzical as well as challenging. MIL can only respond or ignore. DIL will have to keep this up. Sometimes timid people are emboldened when they ask questions like eg. above.

[Nunya]

Re: DIL vs MIL?

Maybe the advent of being a mother will cause her to speak up more. We can only hope.

[Fyah]

Re: DIL vs MIL?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nylah</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
well she kinda dug her own grave in the beginning. She is damned if she does and damned if she doesnt.

the lynch pin in all of this is the husband. If he cant step up and defence his wife and put his mum in place, her life is gonna be hel either way. </div></div>

I agree.

She seem to be trying too hard to win both of their attention/acceptance. She also seem to be suffering from some self-esteem issues and does desperately need/want to be accepted by her <span style="font-weight: bold">husband</span>.

The MIL is secondary to the bigger issue. If she is having problems with communicating such an enormous and exciting event as pregnancy with her husband, I say, no matter who else is in the picture, the problem lies with her relationship with her husband. Her MIL is being used as just an excuse.

[Nunya]

Re: DIL vs MIL?

Nah. Her husband accepts her, wants her and loves her. The big issue is MIL.

[Nylah]

Re: DIL vs MIL?



but something doesnt make sense here. If her MIL makes comments like white ppl are nasty, etc in patois, you telling me the husband doesnt hear it - cause it isnt about comprehension....

why does he deny his wife on this?

[Nunya]

Re: DIL vs MIL?

Maybe it's his way of rebelling against his wife for forcing him to do for his mom...

Nylah, I gotta say, I'ma put that to her...

[Nylah]

Re: DIL vs MIL?


I''d be curious to hear what she says, cause something just aint right. I'll reserve judgement til then.

[Nunya]

Re: DIL vs MIL?

I know he has been saying to her that that's how Jamaicans are (when im madda stawt gwan bad).

That always pisses me off, but since im nah say it to me an she is more my friend than he is...

But I'ma phrase it like you did, to her, and see if she'll ask im the same way...