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mi was about to delete this chick from my FB. her and i have had history together. grew up together. sleep overs...the works. then she had some problems and try fi kill harself mi had fi go look fi har a psych ward. den we no talk fi a while...den we link again an she teif some tings from mi yard which p off my folks and cus one bag a ting...neways i have grown very impatient w/ ppl dese days and mi leaning towards being selfish and not caring about no baddy and dem issues no mare cus mi just cyan badda....den mi read har blog and it grip mi hawt string again 
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Sunday At Church
Lately my boyfriend and I started to attend church. This Sunday was no different, we arrived on time and sat in our seats and looked around at the people. I turned around and saw the cutest baby boy, my heart dove and and lifted up in a minute. However as I was looking at him, I realizing my own pain with giving up my boys. I feel like as though sometimes I put on this front that I'm OKAY, when really I'm not.
After the first few songs in the church, the baby's dad leaned over to me and said "you need to hold him". Please keep in mind that I have NO idea who is family was. I took the baby with pleasure but I can feel all the pain welling up inside me and I started to cry. The baby apparently felt was I was feeling and began to cry and I immediately gave him gave. (It was just too much to handle). Ever since I placed Jaedon (my 3 year old) whenever I held a baby I didn't feel a connection, but with this baby I felt like I had some sort of connection with him and it reminded me of the connection I had with my son.
The service continued.....and the baby continued to draw my attention......after service the dad (I will call him Bob)..Bob asked my boyfriend and I had a minute..I responded yes I have a few minutes...Bob then asked asked about my children....I told him that I placed both my children for adoption and that babies and I have a connection..bob then told me this....."you will have children again, whether is biologically, mentally, spiritually...Jesus will give me my heart desires...Bob then I asked what my heart desires was and I had to answer him honestly that I didn't know. Bob told me that my pain and unforgiveness was very valid and that it was time to let go...to forgive myself for what I did and how I did it. Bob continued to tell me that I was holding back from boyfriend and that it was okay to hold back a little...(things with my boyfriend have been a little crazy lately and I've had to do a lot of thinking). It seemed as though Jesus was speaking to me through Bob. I felt so relieved and so blessed that Jesus would speak to me through a complete stranger.
I walked away feeling shocked, relieved and I had this feeling of complete and uder relief. All my nights of crying and doubting myself and not letting myself to forgive me. So this week I'm starting on this new journey of FORGIVENESS!! I know it's going to be a long journey and it's will probably be a weekly journey of forgiveness but for now, I'm starting with this..I'm going to forgive myself for my child....I know it won't be an easy one, but it's one that I must do.
dis is the blog
Sunday At Church
Lately my boyfriend and I started to attend church. This Sunday was no different, we arrived on time and sat in our seats and looked around at the people. I turned around and saw the cutest baby boy, my heart dove and and lifted up in a minute. However as I was looking at him, I realizing my own pain with giving up my boys. I feel like as though sometimes I put on this front that I'm OKAY, when really I'm not.
After the first few songs in the church, the baby's dad leaned over to me and said "you need to hold him". Please keep in mind that I have NO idea who is family was. I took the baby with pleasure but I can feel all the pain welling up inside me and I started to cry. The baby apparently felt was I was feeling and began to cry and I immediately gave him gave. (It was just too much to handle). Ever since I placed Jaedon (my 3 year old) whenever I held a baby I didn't feel a connection, but with this baby I felt like I had some sort of connection with him and it reminded me of the connection I had with my son.
The service continued.....and the baby continued to draw my attention......after service the dad (I will call him Bob)..Bob asked my boyfriend and I had a minute..I responded yes I have a few minutes...Bob then asked asked about my children....I told him that I placed both my children for adoption and that babies and I have a connection..bob then told me this....."you will have children again, whether is biologically, mentally, spiritually...Jesus will give me my heart desires...Bob then I asked what my heart desires was and I had to answer him honestly that I didn't know. Bob told me that my pain and unforgiveness was very valid and that it was time to let go...to forgive myself for what I did and how I did it. Bob continued to tell me that I was holding back from boyfriend and that it was okay to hold back a little...(things with my boyfriend have been a little crazy lately and I've had to do a lot of thinking). It seemed as though Jesus was speaking to me through Bob. I felt so relieved and so blessed that Jesus would speak to me through a complete stranger.
I walked away feeling shocked, relieved and I had this feeling of complete and uder relief. All my nights of crying and doubting myself and not letting myself to forgive me. So this week I'm starting on this new journey of FORGIVENESS!! I know it's going to be a long journey and it's will probably be a weekly journey of forgiveness but for now, I'm starting with this..I'm going to forgive myself for my child....I know it won't be an easy one, but it's one that I must do.
@ uder 
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