Tweet
My husband threatens to dismember me
Monday, April 05, 2010
I have been married to my husband for 10 years. We have been together since 1996. He bought the house we've lived in together since 1996. I'm the one who pays the bills. Now that we are facing our challenges, he wants me out. I want to know if he has the right to order me out of the marital home even if he was the one who bought it. What can I do if he throws me out? He has threatened me and tells me that he can dismember me like a husband he read about who did this to his wife overseas. He told me that the police can do nothing about it. What can I do?
Thank you for your letter which seems to clearly depict the dictum that hate is the other side of love. However, in your husband's case, it seems his hatred is bringing to the fore his petty, mean and dangerous character.
You say he bought your family home in 1996, the year you commenced cohabitation together and you have lived in the house since then. It was clearly bought in contemplation of your union and is, without a doubt, the family home.
In addition to all your non-monetary contribution as a wife, you have always also, you state, contributed in a monetary way to the expenses of the family by paying all the bills.
You say that now that you are facing challenges in your marriage, he wants you out of the home. You have not stated if you have children who are being affected by what is happening and will happen to your union. You also relate that he has made disgustingly frightening threats against you. He compounded the threat by arrogantly adding that when he has accomplished his threat against you, the police would not be able to do anything about it.
I hope you have reported this serious threat to the police. You must! Do not assist him with his bullying tactic by failing to report it. Do what you must to protect yourself by putting his threat against you on record. This will be a deterrent. Abusers count on and thrive on their victims' silence about their abusive conduct. So please do not help him to continue to abuse you by not reporting the matter to the police. And this should only be your first step towards protecting yourself. The next time he utters his threat, you must immediately tell him that you have reported the matter to the police and you will be reporting him again, so if anything ever happens to you, they will know that he is the culprit.
Then you must also take action under the Domestic Violence Act by applying for an Occupation Order and a Protection Order because of his threats. The Occupation Order will put him out of the house while you remain there. The Protection Order will keep him away from you so that he cannot and does not contact you in any way.
It may also be advisable, in his case, because of his arrogant disdain of the police, to have him charged in the criminal courts, so that he can be tried, convicted and punished for his alarming threats.
Whatever you do, please, please, do not just remain silent about his threat. You really must report it and then get the restraining orders. He is clearly, by his statements, attempting to make you feel powerless or he is attempting to make you believe that you are powerless. Do not give him this satisfaction by your inaction. By doing nothing about his illegal acts, each time he threatens you, you are succumbing to his bullying and feeding his arrogance.
As to the home, there is no question at all that you are entitled to a one-half interest in it. You should contact and retain an attorney-at-law to act for you and apply for an order under the Property (Rights of Spouses) Act, so that the requisite orders can be made for the property to be sold, by either of you buying the other's half-interest; or by selling it in the open market and sharing the net proceeds of sale on a 50-50 basis. I note by your statement that your marriage "was facing challenges" rather than it "has broken down". So you hope that the fractures can be closed and healed. If a marriage can be saved, efforts ought to be made to do so by the parties seeking help from qualified marriage counsellors. I do not like to hear of any spouse threatening to harm the other. I would, if there is hope, urge efforts towards reconciliation, BUT not in your case, because the threats are particularly graphically vicious and bloody.
I repeat again, please take action immediately. With regard to your share in the family home, he cannot deny you that or cut it down or take it away from you, unless you give him the chance of so frightening you, that you walk away from your rights, or, that your inaction leads him to do the unthinkable to permanently deny you of your rights.
Go and make your report to the police immediately and then get your attorney and do your applications for a the occupation and protection orders and for your share in the property.
Good luck.
Monday, April 05, 2010
I have been married to my husband for 10 years. We have been together since 1996. He bought the house we've lived in together since 1996. I'm the one who pays the bills. Now that we are facing our challenges, he wants me out. I want to know if he has the right to order me out of the marital home even if he was the one who bought it. What can I do if he throws me out? He has threatened me and tells me that he can dismember me like a husband he read about who did this to his wife overseas. He told me that the police can do nothing about it. What can I do?
Thank you for your letter which seems to clearly depict the dictum that hate is the other side of love. However, in your husband's case, it seems his hatred is bringing to the fore his petty, mean and dangerous character.
You say he bought your family home in 1996, the year you commenced cohabitation together and you have lived in the house since then. It was clearly bought in contemplation of your union and is, without a doubt, the family home.
In addition to all your non-monetary contribution as a wife, you have always also, you state, contributed in a monetary way to the expenses of the family by paying all the bills.
You say that now that you are facing challenges in your marriage, he wants you out of the home. You have not stated if you have children who are being affected by what is happening and will happen to your union. You also relate that he has made disgustingly frightening threats against you. He compounded the threat by arrogantly adding that when he has accomplished his threat against you, the police would not be able to do anything about it.
I hope you have reported this serious threat to the police. You must! Do not assist him with his bullying tactic by failing to report it. Do what you must to protect yourself by putting his threat against you on record. This will be a deterrent. Abusers count on and thrive on their victims' silence about their abusive conduct. So please do not help him to continue to abuse you by not reporting the matter to the police. And this should only be your first step towards protecting yourself. The next time he utters his threat, you must immediately tell him that you have reported the matter to the police and you will be reporting him again, so if anything ever happens to you, they will know that he is the culprit.
Then you must also take action under the Domestic Violence Act by applying for an Occupation Order and a Protection Order because of his threats. The Occupation Order will put him out of the house while you remain there. The Protection Order will keep him away from you so that he cannot and does not contact you in any way.
It may also be advisable, in his case, because of his arrogant disdain of the police, to have him charged in the criminal courts, so that he can be tried, convicted and punished for his alarming threats.
Whatever you do, please, please, do not just remain silent about his threat. You really must report it and then get the restraining orders. He is clearly, by his statements, attempting to make you feel powerless or he is attempting to make you believe that you are powerless. Do not give him this satisfaction by your inaction. By doing nothing about his illegal acts, each time he threatens you, you are succumbing to his bullying and feeding his arrogance.
As to the home, there is no question at all that you are entitled to a one-half interest in it. You should contact and retain an attorney-at-law to act for you and apply for an order under the Property (Rights of Spouses) Act, so that the requisite orders can be made for the property to be sold, by either of you buying the other's half-interest; or by selling it in the open market and sharing the net proceeds of sale on a 50-50 basis. I note by your statement that your marriage "was facing challenges" rather than it "has broken down". So you hope that the fractures can be closed and healed. If a marriage can be saved, efforts ought to be made to do so by the parties seeking help from qualified marriage counsellors. I do not like to hear of any spouse threatening to harm the other. I would, if there is hope, urge efforts towards reconciliation, BUT not in your case, because the threats are particularly graphically vicious and bloody.
I repeat again, please take action immediately. With regard to your share in the family home, he cannot deny you that or cut it down or take it away from you, unless you give him the chance of so frightening you, that you walk away from your rights, or, that your inaction leads him to do the unthinkable to permanently deny you of your rights.
Go and make your report to the police immediately and then get your attorney and do your applications for a the occupation and protection orders and for your share in the property.
Good luck.
Comment