Why are some people ALWAYS late?

[Lacy]

The woman schedules her entire life. A divorced mom of three (14,12,10), her monthly planner is full – and also prominently posted on the refrigerator at home and her office cubicle. A typed copy is sent every month with the kids for the ex.

In between the infinite number of school and extracurricular activities, days off and vacations, are a variety of volunteer activities. The woman is up at 5am every weekday and doesn’t sit down until after 11pm every night. Follow her around just one day and I guarantee you’ll be beat by 7pm. Weekend aren’t much better. She bought an RV several years ago and every Spring-Fall weekend they are on the road – to somewhere.

She has always been anal-retentive – this ‘life scheduling thing’ makes perfect sense to her. So does taping all the primetime shows she wants to see, so that she can watch them sans commercials (saves time), and buying in enormous bulk quantities (saves time and money).

Now this scenario could aptly reflect many women's lives today. The ‘soccer mom’ my best friend of 25+ years has become is in sharp contrast to the woman I knew throughout her 20’s and early 30’s. What could be referred to as BC – before children.

However, in all other aspects of her life, she is clearly capable of punctuality, but - bless her heart - one thing has remained constant – the dyam woman is always late for the party. How this could be is sometimes quite puzzling. BC (before children) she was the ‘life of the party’. However even then, unless it was her own (and there were many, many of those), she could never seem to arrive on time – no matter how hard she tried.

Why is this? I've asked her many times. She could offer no explanation. (I try – really!) Finally, I gave up asking...

What do you think her problem is?

[julie*mango]

Re: Why are some people ALWAYS late?

here I am thinking it was a story?

[Lacy]

Re: Why are some people ALWAYS late?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: _____</div><div class="ubbcode-body">here I am thinking it was a story? </div></div>

Yuh nah answer di kwestion, ma'am.

[Peasie]

Re: Why are some people ALWAYS late?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Lacy</div><div class="ubbcode-body">What do you think her problem is? </div></div>

Life is messy. And complicated. And things don't always go as planned. Some people cope with life by controlling everything around them i.e. this is their coping mechanism where they control the uncontrollable.

So what if she is always late for a party. How late is late for you? Why does this bother you?

[Lacy]

Re: Why are some people ALWAYS late?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Peasie</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Life is messy. And complicated. And things don't always go as planned. Some people cope with life by controlling everything around them i.e. this is their coping mechanism where they control the uncontrollable.</div></div>

<span style="font-weight: bold">I thought that, too. But in her case, she prepares for the unforeseen, as well. In fact, if I didn't know how scheduled her life really is, watching her in action--I would swear the woman is winging it.</span>

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Peasie</div><div class="ubbcode-body">So what if she is always late for a party. How late is late for you? Why does this bother you? </div></div>

<span style="font-weight: bold">She's regularly an hour plus late to most things, sometimes up to three hours. Although, after all these years, her perpetual lateness no longer bothers me. I just find it curious. A majority of her friends have given up expecting her to arrive on time. Instead, as a collective we have agreed to just tell her the event starts an HOUR earlier than it actually does… and, surprise, she actually ends up arriving on time. </span>

[Peasie]

Re: Why are some people ALWAYS late?

You and your friends seem supportive of this friend and obviously you like her company

She meticulously (and annoyingly ) prepares for the unforeseen because she feels she needs to control that too.

It is clear that your friend is stressed. She needs some therapy

[kia027]

Re: Why are some people ALWAYS late?

she is late for all events on the schedule or just the 'less scheduled' events?

[Lacy]

Re: Why are some people ALWAYS late?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Peasie</div><div class="ubbcode-body">It is clear that your friend is stressed. She needs some therapy </div></div>

You think? :sigh: It would drive me crazy, but she seems to thrive on it.

I've mulled over a theory-- a party -a scheduled engagement with friends-- is a social event and thereby not classified as an ‘obligation’ and as such, your arrival time is flexible. Priorities. The list could be endless. That these priorities encroach upon her leisure time is not so surprising. However, at what point do my 'responsibilities' become my entire life?

[DearK]

Re: Why are some people ALWAYS late?

Relaxing and having a good time are clearly not high on her list of priorities. She schedules whats important, maybe when it comes to an adult party, its a pleasure she'll forestall for some laundry, cleaning the dishes, paying a bill etc.

If she arrives late, then its less time away from her family and other duties

[Lacy]

Re: Why are some people ALWAYS late?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dear K</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Relaxing and having a good time are clearly not high on her list of priorities. </div></div>

Actually, they are. She regularly calls me up wanting to do something, and I'm the one who usually asks for a rain check. So, when we do finally schedule something, I know she's hot to get out of the house. Which is what makes her perpetual lateness so curious.

[Tulip]

Re: Why are some people ALWAYS late?

Lacy, I am the child of a mother who is always late for social events. On time for work, a little on time for church, and never late getting us kids to piano lessons/football practice, etc.

To be honest, I think the lateness for parties might be liking to make an entrance or not understanding that it is important to you and her friends to arrive on time. Quite frankly, I do not get it myself just reading your post why if someone even shows up for your party at all that it is crucial that they arrive soon as the starting gate opens. Are we talking laid-back party or dinner party at a restaurant type thing?

I been gave up trying to understand everything and instead try to note what is important to the people who are important in my life. I think that if you just tell her that it is important to you for her to arrive on time then that would yield the best results. She may never understand why it is important to you, and you may never understand why she thinks it is trivial, but stating what you want/need sounds like the best source of resolution.