Rope een-- likkle story time :-)

[Lacy]

Re: Rope een-- likkle story time :-)

CAITLIN
What the hell was that all about?

JAMES
(smiles) Just desserts. Nothing else today.

CAITLIN
Are you trying to punish me? Is that it? I’ve never seen you like this before.

JAMES
Well, I thought cherry was your favorite. Cherry and cream. I figured you’d be pretty full from eating—

CAITLIN
James, for Christ’s sake!

JAMES
And in the process,(more loudly)
....having my balls on a plate.
(calming)
Is it hard for you when I make the decisions? When I make the choices?

CAITLIN
(tosses napkin onto table, rises to leave)
I am not going to put up with this.

JAMES
(grabs CAITLIN’s arm, calms himself)
My fault. Sorry. Please stay. This is hard for me. You know?

(CAITLIN sits)

I’m just—trying to take the next step.

CAITLIN
OK. You’ve spewed hatred at me. I deserved it; I accept that. But can we move on? (pause) You’re such a good man. This isn’t like you.

JAMES
(matter-of-factly) No. And therein lies the problem. I thought about it. What is it about me that lets women screw me over?
(pause, sarcastically)
And then I realized. It’s because I am such a good man, such a nice guy that you—and my first wife, thank you very much—found it so easy to spread your legs for someone else.

CAITLIN
(impatient) Here we go. I can’t believe you’re saying this. It wasn’t like that. You know that.

JAMES
(ignoring her, lecturing) You see, if I’d been a violent, abusive prick, you’d’ve been too afraid to step out on me.
(falsely sincere)
But I have such a kind heart. I don’t hurt people. I turn the other cheek. Don’t I.
(getting darker)
Well, guess what? Both cheeks have been b-slapped, and I’m done turning them for more.

CAITLIN
Look, I don’t expect you to forgive me.

JAMES
Good! I don’t.

CAITLIN
Fine. You don’t. (pause) I’m sorry about what happened. I just—I don’t know.

JAMES
I really don’t want to hear about some magical spark between you and dear Joe, or whatever might have been broken between us. I don’t care. You can rationalize this all you want, but I am not the one who screwed the pooch, you are. (pause) You knew how I felt after my charming first wife left me. Cheated on me. I was devastated. Dead. You knew that. And then you went ahead and did the same thing! You exploited my goodness. You abused me.

CAITLIN
James, I told you, I’m sorry. I feel—I’m sorry.

JAMES
Are you? So what? What am I supposed to do with sorry?

(CAITLIN pulls out papers, pushes them toward center of table. Long pause, they stare at each other.)

CAITLIN
Maybe we should just sign these and go.

JAMES
I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do. That’s why I asked you here.

CAITLIN
James, the papers.

JAMES
Just desserts. (pause) You know what I mean?

CAITLIN
No. I don’t know. I don’t care.

JAMES
I’ve decided the only way for me to respond is—I am going to kill him.

<span style="font-style: italic">... mi soon come</span>

[Lacy]

Re: Rope een-- likkle story time :-)

CAITLIN
Oh, for god’s sake, James! Don’t be ridiculous! Can we just sign the papers?

JAMES
I wouldn’t do something like this, would I?
(pause, firmly)
I’m not screwing around here, Caitlin. I mean it and you know it.

CAITLIN
(looks around the restaurant and leans forward)
You’re out of your mind! You can’t threaten me like this! Did you really think I would just sit here and take this? You’ve really completely lost it. I’m calling the police!

JAMES
A restraining order? Whoopdee do!

CAITLIN
(disgusted) You’ve had your fun trying to scare me. Just sign the stupid papers and be done with it.

JAMES
(leans in close)
He’s welcome to you. Cleave to him, Caitlin.

(Enter WAITRESS with tray of food. She sets dishes on table as she speaks.)

WAITRESS
Two slices of cherry pie with whipped cream. Anything else I can bring you folks right away?

JAMES
No, thank you. This looks delicious, thanks.

WAITRESS
(looks at JAMES and then turns to CAITLIN)
OK, well, if there’s anything more, just give me a holler.

(WAITRESS hesitates, then exits)

JAMES
Mmm. I’ve never seen anything that looked so satisfying.

(Pushes pies toward CAITLIN)

Well, go on. Eat up. Just desserts. I’ll have mine, and you’ll have yours. And try to keep the cream off your chin, love.

CAITLIN
You can go to hell.

JAMES
Big, happy family there, then. So, go on. Have a little bite. See how the rest of your life tastes. Wrap your tongue around that. (pause)
You wanted Joe. You’ve got him. But for how long?
(laughs)

(angry)
Eat it!
(snarling)
I know you can swallow. How is it?

(JAMES takes a bite of his pie. CAITLIN watches with horror and disgust.)

Mmm, sweet. Yours?

(CAITLIN rises to leave, pushes the pie plates toward JAMES, and exits, frightened. JAMES reaches across the table, takes a bite of CAITLIN’s pie, and makes a face.)

Ooo. Sour.
(pause, JAMES smiles)
I’m going to enjoy every bite.

(JAMES laughs, picks up a knife, stabs the other piece of pie, and resumes eating.)

<span style="font-weight: bold">[End scene]</span>

[Lacy]

Re: Rope een-- likkle story time :-)

Soooo oonu rope een--

What happened to this relationship that it could end like this? What should Caitlin do?