AT 17, Simone had her first taste of what it means to be kept. On her third serious boyfriend, the now 39-year-old said that he introduced her to the concept, when he moved her out of her mother's house and into her own place.
"He paid the rent, the bills, bought the food and sent me to cosmetology school," she said, "I didn't have to do anything at all — not even cook for him — and I loved that feeling."
She said that the relationship ended when he migrated, and on her mother's advice she sought a job at a local bar. She stayed there for two weeks then left, because the work was too hard.
But in the two weeks she had picked up someone else, a married Englishman of 60 who promised her the world, and it was an offer she didn't refuse.
"I was 21 at that time and looked good and he loved that," she said. "He was always saying that I should leave the bar and let him take care of me, and by the end of the first week I was ready."
This time she didn't move in with him, but he contributed towards her mother's rent, bought food and ensured that hair, nails and clothing needs were met.
After the Englishman, Simone said she embarked on a series of relationships with other men, with the same mission in mind - they would be the providers.
And, except for that two-weeks' work at 21, Simone has never had to work a day in her life.
"I've lived everywhere in the island with old and young men, married and single men, filthy rich men. I've gone places, been in hotels, ate at the finest restaurants — it's all about the kind of man you date," she said. "I don't want a poor man, he has to be rich — preferably from foreign — and willing to spend."
The only downside, she said is that the men come and go frequently, leaving her searching for someone new every three months or so. But finding one has never, ever been a problem, she said.
"I've been lucky," she said. "I've never had to be single for more than a month."
Like Simone, many women have made themselves comfortable by being dependent on men, leaving many rights activists to argue that they continue to perpetuate the idea that women are not equal to men, and set the women's movement back years.
Gender and development consultant Dr Glenda Simms said this has been the case throughout history because men have always had the power and the money to be able to keep women.
"Men have always liked having the harem, that is, many women. During the days of slavery he left the big house and went down on the plantation and had all these women and some of them thought that they were getting something for it because they got some mulatto pickney," Simms said.
She said nowadays, many women make their own money and as such are more independent and do not plan to be kept by a man. She said those who allow themselves to be kept are dependent and lack the means to live the lifestyle that they are desirous of, so "they find somebody else's husband to make sure that they live the lifestyle".
"So this whole thing of keeping a woman has to do with women's marginalisation and poverty and the fact that men have over time owned most of the property and they get the best jobs and control the country and the financial resources of the country; so they can always dip in it and do what they please, from time to time, including keeping a few women," she said.
Nevertheless, like Simone, Nordia, who is also using only her first name for this story, revels in the life of the kept woman without any regrets. She too started young, however, her stint started after she lost a job she held at a shipping company in Kingston.
She said it was a cousin who introduced her to the first man, a German who wanted to have a girl in Jamaica. He would pay her bills and visit a few times a year "for fun".
"These men get freaky sometimes, but you have to weigh the odds," she said laughing. "If you want that kind of lifestyle, then you have to put up with a lot of things."
Now 29, Nordia says she doesn't date anyone who is poor.
"He has to be able to send me money, or give me money," she said, in reference to her current 'boyfriend' who lives in New York and who pays all her bills.
Since the end of the shipping job when she was 19, Nordia has never held employment, choosing instead to do a number of courses, most of which she stopped before completion.
"I wanted to do my CXCs because I dropped out of school in fourth form," she said. "But I stopped. I failed the first exam and couldn't bother."
She said she then tried to do a nail technician's course, then a course in facials, both of which she is yet to complete.
Her dream, she said is to work in a hotel one day. For now, she revels in the attention she gets from other men while her boyfriend is away. She's gorgeous and she knows it; it's something she says she uses to her advantage.
"I don't go to cheap salons, cheap parties or buy cheap clothes," she said. "It's a lifestyle that not every man can keep up with."
As far as the future goes, Nordia said she gets worried sometimes, but not excessively so.
"My boyfriend said he wants a child and he wants to get married," she said. "We will get married soon, and then he can continue taking care of me."
Simms said the problem of women being kept stems from poverty, as some women may not have the means to take care of themselves and men like to think that they can take care of women.
However, this is not the only reason a woman will allow herself to be kept, but she said some women generally have a low self-concept. She said it's a deeper psychological and sociological thing than poverty.
"It also has to do with the low self-esteem that women have been socialised into, so even when we gain all these fantastic degrees and have good jobs, we still feel inferior," Simms said.
"He paid the rent, the bills, bought the food and sent me to cosmetology school," she said, "I didn't have to do anything at all — not even cook for him — and I loved that feeling."
She said that the relationship ended when he migrated, and on her mother's advice she sought a job at a local bar. She stayed there for two weeks then left, because the work was too hard.
But in the two weeks she had picked up someone else, a married Englishman of 60 who promised her the world, and it was an offer she didn't refuse.
"I was 21 at that time and looked good and he loved that," she said. "He was always saying that I should leave the bar and let him take care of me, and by the end of the first week I was ready."
This time she didn't move in with him, but he contributed towards her mother's rent, bought food and ensured that hair, nails and clothing needs were met.
After the Englishman, Simone said she embarked on a series of relationships with other men, with the same mission in mind - they would be the providers.
And, except for that two-weeks' work at 21, Simone has never had to work a day in her life.
"I've lived everywhere in the island with old and young men, married and single men, filthy rich men. I've gone places, been in hotels, ate at the finest restaurants — it's all about the kind of man you date," she said. "I don't want a poor man, he has to be rich — preferably from foreign — and willing to spend."
The only downside, she said is that the men come and go frequently, leaving her searching for someone new every three months or so. But finding one has never, ever been a problem, she said.
"I've been lucky," she said. "I've never had to be single for more than a month."
Like Simone, many women have made themselves comfortable by being dependent on men, leaving many rights activists to argue that they continue to perpetuate the idea that women are not equal to men, and set the women's movement back years.
Gender and development consultant Dr Glenda Simms said this has been the case throughout history because men have always had the power and the money to be able to keep women.
"Men have always liked having the harem, that is, many women. During the days of slavery he left the big house and went down on the plantation and had all these women and some of them thought that they were getting something for it because they got some mulatto pickney," Simms said.
She said nowadays, many women make their own money and as such are more independent and do not plan to be kept by a man. She said those who allow themselves to be kept are dependent and lack the means to live the lifestyle that they are desirous of, so "they find somebody else's husband to make sure that they live the lifestyle".
"So this whole thing of keeping a woman has to do with women's marginalisation and poverty and the fact that men have over time owned most of the property and they get the best jobs and control the country and the financial resources of the country; so they can always dip in it and do what they please, from time to time, including keeping a few women," she said.
Nevertheless, like Simone, Nordia, who is also using only her first name for this story, revels in the life of the kept woman without any regrets. She too started young, however, her stint started after she lost a job she held at a shipping company in Kingston.
She said it was a cousin who introduced her to the first man, a German who wanted to have a girl in Jamaica. He would pay her bills and visit a few times a year "for fun".
"These men get freaky sometimes, but you have to weigh the odds," she said laughing. "If you want that kind of lifestyle, then you have to put up with a lot of things."
Now 29, Nordia says she doesn't date anyone who is poor.
"He has to be able to send me money, or give me money," she said, in reference to her current 'boyfriend' who lives in New York and who pays all her bills.
Since the end of the shipping job when she was 19, Nordia has never held employment, choosing instead to do a number of courses, most of which she stopped before completion.
"I wanted to do my CXCs because I dropped out of school in fourth form," she said. "But I stopped. I failed the first exam and couldn't bother."
She said she then tried to do a nail technician's course, then a course in facials, both of which she is yet to complete.
Her dream, she said is to work in a hotel one day. For now, she revels in the attention she gets from other men while her boyfriend is away. She's gorgeous and she knows it; it's something she says she uses to her advantage.
"I don't go to cheap salons, cheap parties or buy cheap clothes," she said. "It's a lifestyle that not every man can keep up with."
As far as the future goes, Nordia said she gets worried sometimes, but not excessively so.
"My boyfriend said he wants a child and he wants to get married," she said. "We will get married soon, and then he can continue taking care of me."
Simms said the problem of women being kept stems from poverty, as some women may not have the means to take care of themselves and men like to think that they can take care of women.
However, this is not the only reason a woman will allow herself to be kept, but she said some women generally have a low self-concept. She said it's a deeper psychological and sociological thing than poverty.
"It also has to do with the low self-esteem that women have been socialised into, so even when we gain all these fantastic degrees and have good jobs, we still feel inferior," Simms said.

Comment