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Hi honey, how was work?" (No really, Coleen from accounting isn't plotting against you. She took your muffin, big deal. I can listen for another 5 minutes then I'm going to drown you out by thinking about sports and porn)
"No that dress doesn't make you look fat" (The extra 5 lbs makes you look fat. The dress looks fine. Stop bugging me so we can get out of here and hang out with your frinds, most of whom I despise. Especially that Barbara with the wonky eye. I never know which one to look at)
"We're going over to your parents house for dinner? Sure sounds fun" (Must. Get. Drunk)
"It's my turn to walk the dog?" (It's not a dog. It's a rat. It's eyes are too big, you dress it like a poof and it's always shaking. Hell, even the dog looks like it wants to die)
"You want to go shopping this Saturday? Umm...yeah okay" (Due to the fact that I don't actually own a tracksuit I've never seen the appeal of wandering around a mall. I can think of far better ways to spend a weekend than watching you and these other people waddling around with their credit cards gnashed in their teeth like a fleet of interstate buses)
"You bought me rollerblades for my birthday. Thanks" (Why does she think I'm a homosexual? I'm going to sell them and buy a carton of Marlboros)
"It's my turn to walk the dog AGAIN?" (I swear I'm throwing this abomination down a man hole and hoping the crocodiles in the sewer myth is true)
"No I don't want to join yoga with you" (No I don't want to join yoga with you)
"Why do you want my Facebook password?" (You're a fire starter. A twisted fire starter)
"You want to have a Fiennes brothers movie marathon tonight?" (If I leave now and order a pizza along the way I'll be home in time for Boardwalk Empire. Sweet)
"No that dress doesn't make you look fat" (The extra 5 lbs makes you look fat. The dress looks fine. Stop bugging me so we can get out of here and hang out with your frinds, most of whom I despise. Especially that Barbara with the wonky eye. I never know which one to look at)
"We're going over to your parents house for dinner? Sure sounds fun" (Must. Get. Drunk)
"It's my turn to walk the dog?" (It's not a dog. It's a rat. It's eyes are too big, you dress it like a poof and it's always shaking. Hell, even the dog looks like it wants to die)
"You want to go shopping this Saturday? Umm...yeah okay" (Due to the fact that I don't actually own a tracksuit I've never seen the appeal of wandering around a mall. I can think of far better ways to spend a weekend than watching you and these other people waddling around with their credit cards gnashed in their teeth like a fleet of interstate buses)
"You bought me rollerblades for my birthday. Thanks" (Why does she think I'm a homosexual? I'm going to sell them and buy a carton of Marlboros)
"It's my turn to walk the dog AGAIN?" (I swear I'm throwing this abomination down a man hole and hoping the crocodiles in the sewer myth is true)
"No I don't want to join yoga with you" (No I don't want to join yoga with you)
"Why do you want my Facebook password?" (You're a fire starter. A twisted fire starter)
"You want to have a Fiennes brothers movie marathon tonight?" (If I leave now and order a pizza along the way I'll be home in time for Boardwalk Empire. Sweet)
as long as it not 2 wide 
mi lovah lovah
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