Toxic People

[kia027]

How do you handle them.

This lady mi know when she call is one pere hour a chatting (one sided) bout she & her family and complaining bout things.

She is pushy in that sort of way..

When she had work done to her house she used the same countertop people I did and she question, question, and call call till the manager had to go to her house.

She have an ADHD kid who sees a counselor to help identify when he is drifting and how to manage the adhd.. The whole family go in deh and a carry on

She call the man last 3 wks fi a next appt and all now the pyschologist no return her calls so now she a bawl bout how it unprofessional.


I think the dr got tired of her.

Why do I listen to her? Cause I think from time to time people need someone just to listen to them but the calls are coming in more frequently..

oh what to do?

[kia027]

Re: Toxic People

both of our boys are the same age. .

She a drive mi wid all her chat about schools . Granted her son is very smart.. but she a mek it sound like we a do boyKia a disservice by sending him to our local public school

she call me a tell me rankings and ratings of all the schools

she ask mi repeatedly if me hear the results of the test for teh specialized hs dem

she call mi and ask y mi neva list more dan 3 catholic hs fi the boy attend

she call and tell mi bout some people we know bout and what schools dem boys attending

she a mad mi wid dis info


den she carry on bout ar dead madda wishes in her will and how de sista a fight the will and on and on and on...

i need a way to have this woman gracefully exit mi life \o/

[sistacaf]

Re: Toxic People

is <span style="font-style: italic">you</span> must do the graceful exiting, cause she won't ....

people like that just go on and on and on and on and on and on - totally oblivious to anyone else's <span style="font-style: italic">anything.</span> - and nah take hint... can't even <span style="font-style: italic">see</span> the hint

it's only them self they go on an on an on (an on) about..... no room for anyone else in there.

sounds like herself has a bit of that same ADHD (or maybe one a them similar disorders) the way you describe she carryin on with the repeating and obsessing.....

i understand being kindhearted and wanting to be a supportive listener - but if it's starting to cross a line where it's draining your own self, that's not ok. if she's not a give-and-take friend, who can listen to you and be supportive to you too, well - IMHO - that's just sucking the life out a person.... time to cut dem kinda thing off.

No make yourself less for someone else to be more. (and that nah work anyway, she will still be like that whether you provide said listening or not)

how bout just don't answer her calls?

[DearK]

Re: Toxic People

Is she the same one with the mother that was sick and dying, and the sisters were contentious. I have a vague recollection of that story, so an update would be nice.

As far as taking her calls- u have caller ID so u can dose yourself accordingly But it also sounds like she is either connected, or well researched and can be a source of info for you too- u do get something out of the interaction w/ her. Another thought I had is that sometimes when we get aggravated bby some trait in others, its sometimes about something in ourselves- either that we admire about the person or , wish we could incorporate. WHat is it about her? Her advocacy for her child? parenting skill?

[kia027]

Re: Toxic People

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: sistacaf</div><div class="ubbcode-body">is <span style="font-style: italic">you</span> must do the graceful exiting, cause she won't ....

people like that just go on and on and on and on and on and on - totally oblivious to anyone else's <span style="font-style: italic">anything.</span> - and nah take hint... can't even <span style="font-style: italic">see</span> the hint

it's only them self they go on an on an on (an on) about..... no room for anyone else in there.

sounds like herself has a bit of that same ADHD (or maybe one a them similar disorders) the way you describe she carryin on with the repeating and obsessing.....

i understand being kindhearted and wanting to be a supportive listener - but if it's starting to cross a line where it's draining your own self, that's not ok. if she's not a give-and-take friend, who can listen to you and be supportive to you too, well - IMHO - that's just sucking the life out a person.... time to cut dem kinda thing off.

No make yourself less for someone else to be more. (and that nah work anyway, she will still be like that whether you provide said listening or not)

how bout just don't answer her calls? </div></div>

Yes I hear what you saying sistacaf. I thought about what her issue would be and I think she is severely OCD. Her heart is in the right place but her mannerisms are so brash and she compusively goes on and on that she alienates a lot of people.

[kia027]

Re: Toxic People

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dear K</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Is she the same one with the mother that was sick and dying, and the sisters were contentious. I have a vague recollection of that story, so an update would be nice.

As far as taking her calls- u have caller ID so u can dose yourself accordingly But it also sounds like she is either connected, or well researched and can be a source of info for you too- u do get something out of the interaction w/ her. Another thought I had is that sometimes when we get aggravated bby some trait in others, its sometimes about something in ourselves- either that we admire about the person or , wish we could incorporate. WHat is it about her? Her advocacy for her child? parenting skill? </div></div>

Yes dearK she same one.

The update is that the mother died, the funeral home gave the sister the death certificate by mistake. The sister went with the death certificate to the hospital to request copies of the records but the people at the hospital knew the mother and situation very well and did not release the info.

Long story short the sister retained a real estate atty to contest the will saying the mother was not of sound mind when she made the will -so the kids had to have legal guardians and the lady I know (maddix is her name now ) is in a long drawn out court case over what was supposedly an airtight will. At this point maddix's atty (the estate lawyer who drew up the will) is suggesting to pay a small amount of money with a rider that her sister stay out of her life.

Yes I have caller id and I do dose the calls but I have a preteen who is phone crazy and pick up the phone so then I have to take the call. We are training girlkia to read the callerid and ask first before enabling the talk button

There was one time a few years ago I was staggering the calls and using callerid. Boykia answered the phone one time and she asked if I do have caller id and what information shows up on the caller id display

As I mentioned to sistacaf, she does research (because she is obsessive) and she knows that education is first in our home but has not yet realized that we also know what will be a good fit for our kids.

She is obsessed about her children's education (they have tutors and go to educational programs and will stay up till after midnite studying if it does not meet her standards).

We have a simpler approach... study hall 2 hrs a day for the boy and 1hr a day for the girl

What I have seen recently though is the research and information she is sharing is negatively exaggerated (esp when it comes to our local schools which are very good by the way) to try and convince to her way of thinking either about other people in our town or schools.

Today I returned her call and got her husband and then had to hear his side of things with her.

She has been told by others she needs to see a therapist but ignores it. Now I am seeing she could benefit from some meds (they have meds for OCD yes?) . Her kids will thank her for it I am sure.

[sistacaf]

Re: Toxic People

OCD, yes, that's the acronym I could not think of at that moment, sure seems like something along those lines - cause from what you describe it seems excessive.

seems like she is beyond a normal range of 'worried' or 'concerned' about things

[kia027]

Re: Toxic People

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: sistacaf</div><div class="ubbcode-body">OCD, yes, that's the acronym I could not think of at that moment, sure seems like something along those lines - cause from what you describe it seems excessive.

seems like she is beyond a normal range of 'worried' or 'concerned' about things
</div></div>

Exactly.. Maybe I need to find a way to tell her that she may be OCD.. but then again that could be why the therapist is avoiding her?

[sistacaf]

Re: Toxic People

ion know kia, that's not a thing you just up and tell smaddy, i mean unless it's your sister or cousin or best forever friend u who you very close with, and deeply invested in a lifelong relationship with.

doin that, you'd be puttin your hand RIGHT in the hornet nest, gettin in deeper, instead of making said graceful exit. u really wanna take that on?

and if she ignoring ppl's suggestions for therapy already...... i jus dunno

[SamChabs]

Re: Toxic People

I can relate to this Kia. Its so draining. Some people can go on and on and on and on about their woe is me lifes and not even pause for a moment to say &quot;how r u&quot;. Have a friend who does that even if its me who called. She goes on and on until I give up on telling her what I called about. Like Sistacaf sez, ignore some of her calls. Thats what I do, and then when I am in a better space, I will call and listen.

[H_O]

Re: Toxic People

my friend had a friend,,and all the guy talk about is his AA meetings. his whole life is AA meeting or how crap his job is or his wife fd off on him.

[UKBlackLady]

Re: Toxic People

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SamChabs</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I can relate to this Kia. <span style="font-weight: bold">Its so draining. Some people can go on and on and on and on about their woe is me lifes and not even pause for a moment to say &quot;how r u&quot;. </span>Have a friend who does that even if its me who called. She goes on and on until I give up on telling her what I called about. Like Sistacaf sez, ignore some of her calls. Thats what I do, and then when I am in a better space, I will call and listen.

</div></div>

My mother...

[kia027]

Re: Toxic People

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SamChabs</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I can relate to this Kia. Its so draining. Some people can go on and on and on and on about their woe is me lifes and not even pause for a moment to say &quot;how r u&quot;. Have a friend who does that even if its me who called. She goes on and on until I give up on telling her what I called about. Like Sistacaf sez, ignore some of her calls. Thats what I do, and then when I am in a better space, I will call and listen.

</div></div>

So I ignored the call on Friday, she called Saturday and Monday and Tuesday. I picked up the phone on Tuesday.... \o/

[kia027]

Re: Toxic People

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: YuhSiMi</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SamChabs</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I can relate to this Kia. <span style="font-weight: bold">Its so draining. Some people can go on and on and on and on about their woe is me lifes and not even pause for a moment to say &quot;how r u&quot;. </span>Have a friend who does that even if its me who called. She goes on and on until I give up on telling her what I called about. Like Sistacaf sez, ignore some of her calls. Thats what I do, and then when I am in a better space, I will call and listen.

</div></div>

My mother... </div></div>

YuhSiMi

[Gen]

Re: Toxic People

Tell her fi get a hobby