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i have this friend in her 3os that has been married with one child for over 10 years.She tells me that although she loves her husband she feels very unappreciated by him, for example she feels that during one particular get together he kept putting down all that she said to the point where i felt uncomfortable, and later on, he didnt even apologise for it although it was obvious she was very hurt. Moreover , over the years he has just been the same. Now she is wondering if she should just abandon the whole thing? She feels very very hurt that he doesnt acknowledge her feelings. what you guys think? PS. the husband is faithful and seems to be a good father to their child
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Re: staying married even if craving for more?
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: myself</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> during one particular get together he kept putting down all that she said to the point where <span style="font-size: 14pt">i</span> felt uncomfortable, and later on, he didnt even apologise for it although it was obvious she was very hurt. </div></div>
your friend?
nobody can say whether anyone is to stay in a relationship but the two involved...the grass is always greener on the other side until you are there... -
Re: staying married even if craving for more?
even after 10 years of being put down? i would consider if i felt unloved to a certain point. still i didnt tell her anything of the sort. just wanted to hear the opinions out thereComment
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Re: staying married even if craving for more?
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: myself</div><div class="ubbcode-body">even after 10 years of being put down? i would consider if i felt unloved to a certain point. still i didnt tell her anything of the sort. just wanted to hear the opinions out there </div></div>
Does she tell him how she feels when he puts her down? When last have they had date nights to reconnect to each other?If you don't fight for what you deserve, you deserve what you get.
We are > Fossil Fuels --- Bill McKibben 350.orgComment
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Re: staying married even if craving for more?
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: myself</div><div class="ubbcode-body">i have this friend in her 3os that has been married with one child for over 10 years.She tells me that although she loves her husband she feels very unappreciated by him, for example she feels that during one particular get together he kept putting down all that she said to the point where i felt uncomfortable, and later on, he didnt even apologise for it although it was obvious she was very hurt. Moreover , over the years he has just been the same. Now she is wondering if she should just abandon the whole thing? She feels very very hurt that he doesnt acknowledge her feelings. what you guys think? PS. the husband is faithful and seems to be a good father to their child </div></div>
having never been married take my advice with a truck load of salt.
prior to abandoning the whole thing, she needs to ask herself <span style="text-decoration: line-through">why is dis puss attacking my foot </span>
I mean what has she done to repair the relationship? I highly doubt (memba di salt) that him get up in the last few days or weeks and stawt wid di put downs. Unless in recent times she has grown (usually financially or educationally) and out grown him to the point where he has become insecure hence the put-downs.
I would advise counselingComment
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Re: staying married even if craving for more?
thats my point. HE KNOWS CAUSE SHE TELLS HIM. whats bothering her is he is doesnt say sorry, he jus goes on like nothing happened living her hanging. i mean ,thats not nice of him especially if he claims that he loves her.Why cant he just apologise or just shut up when she contributes to a conversation? instead of constantly embarassing her, now she doesnt feel like going anywhere with him.Comment
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Re: staying married even if craving for more?
ok, i guese you guys are saying that she is over reactingComment
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Re: staying married even if craving for more?
The 'I' skelly is just what i said, i was there with them in a recent get togetherComment
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Re: staying married even if craving for more?
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: myself</div><div class="ubbcode-body">ok, i guese you guys are saying that she is over reacting </div></div>
If she is jumping to divorce with out trying to make it work then yes.
and by that I mean, does she address the issue in anger or does she sit down calm and make sure he understands how she is feeling ?Comment
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Re: staying married even if craving for more?
when voices are raised ears close 99.99999999999% of the timeComment
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Re: staying married even if craving for more?
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: myself</div><div class="ubbcode-body">thats my point. HE KNOWS CAUSE SHE TELLS HIM. whats bothering her is he is doesnt say sorry, he jus goes on like nothing happened living her hanging. i mean ,thats not nice of him especially if he claims that he loves her.Why cant he just apologise or just shut up when she contributes to a conversation? instead of constantly embarassing her, now she doesnt feel like going anywhere with him.
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Some people cannot say the word sorry. They have a hard time with it. Perhaps he hears and moves on. The fact that he repeats the behavior is what should be addressed.
If he is constantly embarassing her then I would think about what Tanya said above.If you don't fight for what you deserve, you deserve what you get.
We are > Fossil Fuels --- Bill McKibben 350.orgComment
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Re: staying married even if craving for more?
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: myself</div><div class="ubbcode-body">i have this friend in her 3os that has been married with one child for over 10 years.She tells me that although she loves her husband she feels very unappreciated by him, for example she feels that during one particular get together he kept putting down all that she said to the point where i felt uncomfortable, and later on, he didnt even apologise for it although it was obvious she was very hurt. Moreover , over the years he has just been the same. Now she is wondering if she should just abandon the whole thing? She feels very very hurt that he doesnt acknowledge her feelings. what you guys think? PS. the husband is faithful and seems to be a good father to their child </div></div>
He wants to leave but afraid she might fall to pieces because he thinks she is emotionally weak and will collapse and he doesn't want the guilt that he caused their child's mother to become a train wreck. Where did he get this idea? Well from the fact that she never got up and left during the put downs, the fact that she is still there after he gives her all hints that he just doesn't appreciate her (and he knows she feels that way because she told you) and she is still hanging on to something that is dead - u know, - kinda like emotionally wrecked ppl do -Comment
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Re: staying married even if craving for more?
I think he is taking her for granted and her self esteem is low.
I'm not a public scene/argument type, but I can't take no whole bunch of ish either. So unless he is the town drunk (which is not an excuse but at least some sort of explanation), we'd have to have a sidebar immediately if it happened more than once.
Whatever is going on in his head, it does show a total lack of respect for her. I think some effort should be made to try to resolve the problem before just completely abandoning the thing. However, one hand can't clap.
I must say I find it difficult to believe that is the only time he is verbally abusing her. These times just likely happen to be in public.Comment
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Re: staying married even if craving for more?
Tulip,,I think he suffers from low self esteem, because he wouldnt be putting her down.
you know,,that kind of situation is almost worse than physical abuse.
if she is always getting put down by him--then why then does he stay with her if she has all these faults?
the guy got his own issues. she need to lay the cards on the table,tell him how it is,,because eventually she going to believe it..
dont know why guys do this,,other than thinking hes the one who has the faults.JERK OFF.Comment
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Re: staying married even if craving for more?
People stay married for many reasons. And most of these reasons are the right ones even though at the time they may want to flee. Wanting to flee a marriage, craving more than in the current marriage, etc. are all normal feelings ... help your friend acknowledge that first and foremost
Now what your friend may need at this time is to communicate her feelings <span style="font-weight: bold">in a way so he will understand</span> what she means. And this may mean something like, "Eric, when we were at Tasha's party the other night and I said [very specific thing here] and you responded with [specific thing here] I felt uncomfortable. I felt that I was being put down and disrespected and I don't believe you meant for me to feel that way. But I did. Help me understand why I should feel differently?"
My point is: don't assume your partner understands that he or she is disrespecting you when they do or say something. Some people are just clueless in some situations and, conversely, some of us are more hyper-sensitive in some situations.
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