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Re: Guess why I am not
mi jeezas \o/ [img]/forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/ooo.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]
Boundie gi mi di gyal name an numba, mi inna a foul mood an need smaddy fi tek ie out pan
mi jeezas \o/ [img]/forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/ooo.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]
Boundie gi mi di gyal name an numba, mi inna a foul mood an need smaddy fi tek ie out pan
I could barely speak the words. They got stuck in my throat and just kind of hung there. I was horrified, mortified, embarrassed, and shocked. I felt bile rise up into the back of my throat. My stomach dropped to my knees and I got seriously light headed. I must have gone white as a sheet b/c my manager started telling me to put my head between my knees and take deep breaths. It was as if he was speaking to me from down a long tunnel. I fought like hell to push the hot feeling from my head and the darkness from creeping across my eyes. I would not pass out, no way, no how.
In my head I am thinking, where does she get this number from????? 9 times out of 10?????? How often does this sort of thing happen? How many times has it happened when she has been involved? Has it really happened 10 times and 9 times it was a black woman? I seriously doubt it. 
Did she think saying something like that would comfort me????? I can’t concentrate on any 1 thing anymore. I am annoyed at Rachel, I feel uncomfortable at what she is suggesting to me and I would like to ignore her, but I can’t. I have too many questions. 
“How many phone calls were made? Where were they made from? Does Mrs. Walker think it is true? What has Orville said? Do they have caller ID? I wanted to tell Orville how sorry I was that this was happening to the 2 of us. I wanted to tell his wife it wasn’t true at all. I wanted HR and my manager to tell me that Orville was fine and his wife thought the whole thing was a joke. I wanted reassurance. 
I couldn’t help it when I said “I know my God Damn husband, if there were phone calls to my house, telling him I was sleeping with someone at work, we would surely have a good ol’ laugh about that together!” 
I remember stepping out into the hall, walking a few steps to Angela’s (my 1 friend) office, and looking at her. She quickly wrapped up her call and asked me what could she do? She didn’t ask what was wrong. She didn’t try and hug me. She didn’t do anything but stand up and ask what she could do. 
Between gasp of air and huge tears I asked her to please get my purse from my office (which happened to be all the way across the floor). She went to my office, shut down my PC, turned off my phone, and brought my purse back to me. She led me by the arm down back stairways of the building, stairways I didn’t even know existed. When someone walked by or near us she would just start talking about something random to make it appear we were deep in conversation. I had my head down and could barely walk I was so short of breath, it was some sort of panic attack or something, I don’t know. I couldn’t breath, I could barely cry, the room was going in and out, I knew that I was walking but I couldn’t feel my feet on the floor. Angela got me to my car, told me to stay strong, and gave me a final look that let me know she knew exactly what was wrong, and then she walked away.
After much comforting and literally running out of tears, I stopped crying and just sort of went numb again. I hated that I was so upset about this. I wavered between thinking it was the stupidest thing on earth, laughing, thinking how could someone be so stupid and childish, to being so upset and hurt that someone would do something so mean to someone else. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]
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