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I pulled my hair out of its bun and did my best to hide. 
I start thinking about that and believe it might actually be true. 
Then Orville tells me he is only joking and I shouldn’t take that as truth in any way shape or form. He goes on to tell me about the culture in the company and how it has been this way for years. He says there has never been any accountability and it is a serious problem. Apparently the Executive Director, with whom I interviewed, is also new to the company and was brought it to make some serious changes. Orville tell me that change isn’t easy, it takes a long time, especially when all of the staff knows it is coming. They will do everything they can to prevent it, and that means try to get rid of people like me. You would think this would comfort me in some way, but it really doesn’t. It just makes me angry. I feel duped, like I got the bad deal. 
Hire me once all the change has started taking effect, not before. 
Fire him??? Oh boy, this isn’t looking good for me. 
I am already to blame for everything under the sun in the office that goes wrong. I can only imagine how this will play out. 
I try to get comfort from Orville acknowledging my hard work. I hear his words ring in my ears over and over again “Just bide your time”… I can’t imagine myself biding my time in a place where no one likes me, and my job is a constant uphill battle. 
I am shocked! She knew exactly what I was going through! I couldn’t believe it; she sympathized with me, although I hadn’t said anything was wrong. She must have known how I was feeling b/c she used to be in my shoes! Perhaps it was the exhaustion, perhaps it just felt good to know there was another person who had been in the same spot as me...before I knew it I was saying something I would later regret more that anything I have ever regretted before. 
I said: 
Now, she isn’t normally peaches and cream to me, so I didn’t really think muck of it, other than it sure seemed a bit obsessive today. Oh well, whatever. 
My eyes were puffy from my outburst the day before and I was still tired and run down. I didn’t give Amanda more than a 3 second thought. 
My team lead had a mini meeting with me to see how I was feeling and to let me know she was planning on speaking to our manager later today about my outburst, she was going to try and get me support. 
*Gulp* What in the world? Had the team lead spoken to him? Was I in trouble? Have they decided I am too big of a drama queen and I am being fired? What in the world does he want? 
that is NOT what comes out of his mouth. What does he say? 
Oh God. My stomach fell to the floor and I felt my whole face go hot. 
I was immediately defensive and ready to strike. I was also humiliated. I am a grown woman; I am not in high school, here I was in the principal’s office getting reprimanded for something that a child does. 
Before I could even open my mouth he continues: 
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