Advice please

[diabolical_Tanya]

so one of my work place friends (for lack of a better term)

Has some personal problems that she has confided in me about.


She has an adult daughter (22) who she is estranged from. She does not know why. Her daughter moved out in her last year of HS age 17 and told her she hates her and cant say why.

My WPF has coped as best she can with the estrangement, tried calling, sent cards etc etc only to be rebuffed. The daughter went as far as to cut off communication wid her 2 siblings because shi claim dem carry goh bring come to di madda.

So yesterday she was in a part of town she dont usually frequent and who shi buck up on but the daughter. so shi called out to her and the daughter turned around, saw who it was and just gave her a hateful look and walked away.


I have NO IDEA what to say to my work place friend....... what do you do in a situation like this?

[kia027]

Re: Advice please

Not knowing why is the hardest part

Is there something why the daughter would turn away? (mental illness in the family, a stepfather- possible sexual abuse, etc)

[CeaBee]

Re: Advice please

that's what I'm thinking...the lady must have an inkling of why the daughter have har up.

[diabolical_Tanya]

Re: Advice please

that is what I thought stepfather thing but she is long since divorced from the step father so I dont think that is it mi really noh know

[quodlibet]

Re: Advice please

personally, i think you should refer this one to a specialist

if they say that with smoke comes fire, then i am seeing a whole lot of smoke here...

last time i saw a girl that cut up about her own mother - the mother chose a man over the child when she was younger. as soon as daughter could get out of the house without renting out her body (the way she perceived her mother to do), she was adios...

[diabolical_Tanya]

Re: Advice please

yes alla dat Q BUT in the mean time what do I say to this woman?????

[CeaBee]

Re: Advice please

"That must be really hard. I'm sorry you're going thru this".

(she asking u for advice?)

[R_C]

Re: Advice please

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: diabolical_Tanya</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> She does not know why.</div></div>

Very unlikely. She's just not telling you everything.
Not that this is necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes people just need to vent.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: diabolical_Tanya</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> I have NO IDEA what to say to my work place friend....... what do you do in a situation like this?</div></div>

Commiserate. Lend a sympathetic ear. Stay away from offering advice, giving an opinion or taking sides.

Blood is thicker than water and it will come back to bite you.

I learned this the hard way. Never again. Mi juss shake mi head these days an seh &quot;Imagine that !&quot; and &quot;That must be very hard for you&quot; and so on.

[SandiF]

Re: Advice please

Just listen, nod your head and be supportive by making apropos comments. Don't be inquisitive or take sides.

[quodlibet]

Re: Advice please

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: diabolical_Tanya</div><div class="ubbcode-body">yes alla dat Q BUT in the mean time what do I say to this woman????? </div></div>

As rare as this happens - I agree with everyone here. Be a listening ear without being too faas. NEVER ask a question you are not prepared to hear the most outrageous answer to. A lot of places nowadays have counsellors paid for by the company. Be prepared to refer her to approach one of these services if it looks as if its about to get out of hand.

[Peasie]

Re: Advice please

I agree with everyone here too. Just be supportive and, as much as she is your work place friend, do not allow her to draw you into her unfortunate drama.

[diabolical_Tanya]

Re: Advice please

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Quodlibet</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: diabolical_Tanya</div><div class="ubbcode-body">yes alla dat Q BUT in the mean time what do I say to this woman????? </div></div>

As rare as this happens - I agree with everyone here. Be a listening ear without being too faas. NEVER ask a question you are not prepared to hear the most outrageous answer to. A lot of places nowadays have counsellors paid for by the company. <span style="text-decoration: underline"> <span style="font-weight: bold">Be prepared to refer her to approach one of these services</span></span> if it looks as if its about to get out of hand. </div></div>

I like this

[Derek]

Re: Advice please

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: diabolical_Tanya</div><div class="ubbcode-body">so one of my work place friends (for lack of a better term)

Has some personal problems that she has confided in me about.


She has an adult daughter (22) who she is estranged from. She does not know why. Her daughter moved out in her last year of HS age 17 and told her she hates her and cant say why.

My WPF has coped as best she can with the estrangement, tried calling, sent cards etc etc only to be rebuffed. The daughter went as far as to cut off communication wid her 2 siblings because shi claim dem carry goh bring come to di madda.

So yesterday she was in a part of town she dont usually frequent and who shi buck up on but the daughter. so shi called out to her and the daughter turned around, saw who it was and just gave her a hateful look and walked away.


I have NO IDEA what to say to my work place friend....... what do you do in a situation like this? </div></div>

There are two sides to every story. Maybe the daughter has 'good' reason and maybe your colleague is telling the whole truth.

[H_O]

Re: Advice please

maybe her mom didnt buy her a xbox for christmas

[MarieK]

Re: Advice please

Lissen, tek fi mi advice when it comes to unhealthy relationships of what ever origin (marriage, parental, etc.) please please keep out of it. Just nod and sympathize because people will always resent your efforts when you point out the issues.

I learned this lesson the hard way this year.

People only tell u their problems because they want you to tell them what they want to hear. They have already analyzed and solved the problem, they just want confirmation from you. It is impossible for her not to know what happened. Nuh give no advice just nod and smile.