Tweet
Strains telling on long-distance union
Dear Counsellor,
I always see your articles and enjoy reading them. I have a concern. I have a long-distance relationship - I live abroad and my boyfriend lives in Jamaica. I will be moving back to Jamaica in a year. We talk every day, but sometimes I wonder if he is cheating.
The other reason is that his mother became ill last week and that changed our relationship.
I try to be understanding, but sometimes it is hard. I wanted to prove, against the trend of statistics, that long-distance relationships can work if both parties are willing to make it work. Please tell me what you think.
- Becky
Dear Becky,
If you feel that the relationship has changed after his mother's illness then you must talk about it. It may be true or it may be your imagination. The stress of the illness may have put undue pressure on him, which could have affected his ability to talk with you as regularly as you would want.
Becky, I do not want you to 'search diligently' for infidelity where there is none. If you begin to get suspicious of your relationship, you will be infecting your mind with seeds of doubt, which will in turn breed mistrust.
This will result in a cycle as the doubts will create more 'evidence-seeking' behaviours with you scrutinising every person your boyfriend comes in contact with and subject him to annoying questions.
Every relationship thrives on trust, more so a long-distance one: You will have to trust him and he will have to trust you.
Interestingly, even though you may strive to prove to the statisticians that long-distance relationships can work, yours may fall apart after you are joined together because the seeds of doubt would have bloomed into acres of mistrust.
Source
