What makes an arranged

[DearK]

marriage work? Prince Albert, 53 has married 33 year old Christine Wittstock

I speculate there's some kind of arrangement, but there's a chance it is real genuine love. WHo knows. But what will make it work? Didnt Diana and Charles wrk for a while? (or maybe they aren't a good example, because some think that Diana really had romantic dreams of living happily ever after with her prince.

But aside from those royal weddings- any stories of arrangements that have worked? Maybe we can identify traits for a happy married life.

[DearK]

Re: What makes an arranged

Oprah did a check up on memorable couples- one of them featured a man who set a weddding date, had everything in place, except a wife

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">To take care of this not-so-minor detail, he asked his best friends to conduct a search for the future Mrs. Weinlick. His buddies drew up an application and put ads in local papers asking all interested women to show up at the Mall of America on June 13, 1998. Two dozen hopefuls showed up, and David's friends hand-picked pharmacy student Elizabeth Runze to marry David on the spot.

It's been 12 years since they got married at the mall. Are they still together?</div></div>

yup!

[CyberPhobic]

Re: What makes an arranged

Arranged marriage anno nutt'n new, in fact many, many cultures (Asian, Indian, African, Jewish) for example, and the very, very wealthy always practiced this form of marriage, not only to keep the money/wealth inna di family but also to mekk sure sey di peeple dem a marrid have dyam sense.

In arranged marriages, surprisingly, the divorced rate is almost non-existent.

[DearK]

Re: What makes an arranged

you're right, thats why I'm curious about what you think makes it work...

[jah_yout]

Re: What makes an arranged

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dear K</div><div class="ubbcode-body">you're right, thats why I'm curious about what you think makes it work... </div></div>

probably a more realistic view of what marriage really is...
and less of the hollyweird romantic fantasy stuff

[SandiF]

Re: What makes an arranged

I know of arranged marriages that work and know of those that ended in divorce. My friends from India who are in arranged marriages have said it is about building a family, keeping to the wishes of their family, money/finances,<span style="font-weight: bold">and</span> religion....

I know this is along a different vein.... I recently got the June edition of National Geographic mag, read article Too Young to Wed. This about the secret life of child brides... arranged for marriage as young as 5 years of age to men who are as old as 50 yrs. The common theme, the marriages were arranged in accordance to keep family wishes money and religion.

http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2011/06/child-brides/gorney-text

[sistacaf]

Re: What makes an arranged

yah i gree with Jah yout - it's actually <span style="font-style: italic">not </span>surprising to me -- that statistic makes logical sense.

ppl who participate in arranged marriages willingly, (and i'm talkin about similar-age ppl who are both invested in the process, with a goal of building a family and life together --not those weird child-bride arrangements) are more dedicated to <span style="font-style: italic">marriage itself </span>than they are to the relatively modern &quot;notion&quot; of being &quot;in love&quot;. They know that the union is not based upon fleeting lovey dovey &quot;feelings&quot; - but is based upon dedication to marriage itself as the main goal -- not &quot;romance&quot; and &quot;happily ever after&quot; as the main goal.

they don't go into it with the (sometimes totally unrealistic &amp; unachievable) romantic expectations that usually go along with the whole 'happily ever after&quot; thing. they're in it for more pragmatic &amp; practical reasons, and therefore they don't just run out the door when spouse isn't their perfect ideal - they never expect that in a de first place..... they <span style="font-style: italic">know</span> it can be hard and difficult to live with someone, that it takes years to get to know &amp; accept each other, (and maybe even wind up loving them- as a bonus), and are prepared to deal with and stick through all that, in order to build a life &amp; family which is the main goal -- much more than modern ppl who think the relationship is 'over' when the flowers and candy and rosemantic weekends stop-

in addition to all the other things mentioned, i think there's also something to be said for not choosing a spouse using the modenr method of picking 'who's the prettiest/finest' to start 'dating' -- we can see what that's done to modern society with younger and younger children being over-sexualized, and in general being trained by everything around them to interpret that their main goal in life is to be the prettiest/finest/sexiest, cause that's how you 'catch' man/woman... that has gotten SO way out of control in modern society -- it's so pervasive ppl don't even realize it anymore, it's just &quot;the way it is&quot;. Look at that HORRIBLE show &quot;Toddlers and Tiaras&quot; -- tiny children being raised to believe that their physical attractiveness is <span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="font-style: italic">The</span> most important thing</span> that will get them ahead in life -- even these little kids 7 &amp; 8 years old now think they must diet so they can be 'skinny' and 'sexy'. Arranged marriage, in some sense, levels that playing field - so even those who aren't the most beautiful or fine, still have the same fair chance for marriage and family as the best-looking ppl in a community. It also might work the reverse way too -- by discouraging this whole concept of &quot;vanity&quot; in the first place in those more traditional communities that consider this ridiculous over-emphasis on beauty &amp; vanity to be a negative -

[SandiF]

Re: What makes an arranged

I don't see jah youth's statistics.... Was there one posted?

I do not think majority adults go into marriage with unrealistic and unachievable romantic notions. The arranged marriages that I personally know of that did not work were due to the some of the same reasons non-arranged marriages failed... One was an abusive spouse (he was an alcoholic and she could not deal with his alcoholism); the other once as she gave him a son, she said he became cold and distant towards her.

The goal of any marriage is to build a family and life together..arranged and non-arranged. Marriages is no walk in the park...some work and some do not work for various reasons. I wouldn't say an arranged marriage is <span style="font-style: italic">better</span> than a non-arranged marriage.

[Tulip]

Re: What makes an arranged

If somebody paying good money and can move me out of Atlanta to beach side, then I have citizenship for sale.

Seriously though, I think commitment is what makes a marriage work. Lust certainly didn't make mine work. You have to be serious about the &quot;through better or worse&quot; part.

Arranged marriages may work well because divorce is frowned upon and sometimes people grow on you. Could just be the luck of the draw too. Some may end up genuinely compatible while others just suffer through.

A body must have some respect for tradition to even put up with the idea of having someone else select their mate. Maybe that type of person is less likely to kick their spouse to the curb.

[CeaBee]

Re: What makes an arranged

Arranged marriages may <span style="font-style: italic">seem to</span> work well because divorce is frowned upon.

[jah_yout]

Re: What makes an arranged

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: sistacaf</div><div class="ubbcode-body">yah i gree with Jah yout - it's actually <span style="font-style: italic">not </span>surprising to me -- that statistic makes logical sense.

ppl who participate in arranged marriages willingly, (and i'm talkin about similar-age ppl who are both invested in the process, with a goal of building a family and life together --not those weird child-bride arrangements) are more dedicated to <span style="font-style: italic">marriage itself </span>than they are to the relatively modern &quot;notion&quot; of being &quot;in love&quot;. They know that the union is not based upon fleeting lovey dovey &quot;feelings&quot; - but is based upon dedication to marriage itself as the main goal -- not &quot;romance&quot; and &quot;happily ever after&quot; as the main goal.

they don't go into it with the (sometimes totally unrealistic &amp; unachievable) romantic expectations that usually go along with the whole 'happily ever after&quot; thing. they're in it for more pragmatic &amp; practical reasons, and therefore they don't just run out the door when spouse isn't their perfect ideal - they never expect that in a de first place..... they <span style="font-style: italic">know</span> it can be hard and difficult to live with someone, that it takes years to get to know &amp; accept each other, (and maybe even wind up loving them- as a bonus), and are prepared to deal with and stick through all that, in order to build a life &amp; family which is the main goal -- much more than modern ppl who think the relationship is 'over' when the flowers and candy and rosemantic weekends stop-

in addition to all the other things mentioned, i think there's also something to be said for not choosing a spouse using the modenr method of picking 'who's the prettiest/finest' to start 'dating' -- we can see what that's done to modern society with younger and younger children being over-sexualized, and in general being trained by everything around them to interpret that their main goal in life is to be the prettiest/finest/sexiest, cause that's how you 'catch' man/woman... that has gotten SO way out of control in modern society -- it's so pervasive ppl don't even realize it anymore, it's just &quot;the way it is&quot;. Look at that HORRIBLE show &quot;Toddlers and Tiaras&quot; -- tiny children being raised to believe that their physical attractiveness is <span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="font-style: italic">The</span> most important thing</span> that will get them ahead in life -- even these little kids 7 &amp; 8 years old now think they must diet so they can be 'skinny' and 'sexy'. Arranged marriage, in some sense, levels that playing field - so even those who aren't the most beautiful or fine, still have the same fair chance for marriage and family as the best-looking ppl in a community. It also might work the reverse way too -- by discouraging this whole concept of &quot;vanity&quot; in the first place in those more traditional communities that consider this ridiculous over-emphasis on beauty &amp; vanity to be a negative - </div></div>


well put!

[jah_yout]

Re: What makes an arranged

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CeaBee</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Arranged marriages may <span style="font-style: italic">seem to</span> work well because divorce is frowned upon.


</div></div>


it can't be any worse than our western romantic marriages...

domestic violence, killings, separations &amp; divorce are rampant &amp; attest to this

[Tulip]

Re: What makes an arranged

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: jah_yout</div><div class="ubbcode-body">it can't be any worse than our western romantic marriages...

domestic violence, killings, separations &amp; divorce are rampant &amp; attest to this </div></div>

May not be any worse, but that doesn't mean it's better. You honestly believe domestic violence and killings are less prevalent in arranged marriages?

Separations and divorce are not necessarily bad things depending on what was going on with the couple. I think the
worst thing going on this side is people scared to get married at all.

They have children together, shack up, and carry on as if they were married but don't have the sacks to really ante up. There's extra shame in things not working out if it's legal and on paper?

[CyberPhobic]

Re: What makes an arranged

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dear K</div><div class="ubbcode-body">you're right, thats why I'm curious about what you think makes it work... </div></div>

Could be a lot of things but these come tuh mine rite now:

<ul style="list-style-type: disc">[*]
Growing to really getting to know and love the person, after the marriage started, rather than the other way around

Being content and supportive with the agreement, not matter what

Being married only to procreate and maintain the family with very little interest otherwise

Not introducing external influences into the marriage

Extreme Intimidation

Emotional abuse

Treats from di fambily dem for dem nuh want lose fayce or money

Women being brainwashed into subservience

Women being content widd di way things are (a bird in di hand syndrome)[/list]

[jah_yout]

Re: What makes an arranged

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Tulip</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: jah_yout</div><div class="ubbcode-body">it can't be any worse than our western romantic marriages...

domestic violence, killings, separations &amp; divorce are rampant &amp; attest to this </div></div>

May not be any worse, but that doesn't mean it's better. You honestly believe domestic violence and killings are less prevalent in arranged marriages?

Separations and divorce are not necessarily bad things depending on what was going on with the couple. I think the
worst thing going on this side is people scared to get married at all.

They have children together, shack up, and carry on as if they were married but don't have the sacks to really ante up. There's extra shame in things not working out if it's legal and on paper? </div></div>

yes i actually do believe killings are less in arranged marriages...
if a marriage's success is based on staying the course then the western marriage is the worst on earth...
so you believe that our westernized marriages are no worse than arranged marriages (which we often vilify)...

great

as far as people living together &amp; not getting married...
my thought on that is; why is it the government that defines what marriage is?
one minute our confused western minds state that marriage is a religious god thing...the next minute it's a state-controlled legal institution;
it seems to me the biggest authority/mediator in our marriages is the state