Can one person be that oblivious?

[Nunya]

I have a co-worker who no-body likes. Well, I like her sometimes, but she's kinda like salt: I can only take a pinch of her every now and again. Too much of her and she gives me a headache...

In any event, I didn't realize the scope of her unpopularity til last week, when I, along with two co-workers just happened to mention her name and suddenly all the other people started to gather round and vent. I felt supremely uncomfortable cause it just seemed like mass backstabbing...

She's in a supervisory role and does makes a lot of questionable decisions. Because her department is not under my portfolio, I don't say kem. But others are always coming to me about her. Because she's often seen as unjust, people don't like her. That and the fact that she's always going on and on and on about her kids. Or her imaginary life. Everything you've done, she's done it and did it better.

I just wonder how she can be so unaware of what people think of her? She'll often say how much she likes this person or that person... and yet, last week and I found out that this person and that person can't stand her!

I feel like I should help her, but I don't know how. The direct approach will not work with her - she'll get defensive and then immediately go on the attack.

The indirect approach won't work either cause subtlety to her is a foreign language. Or if by some chance she did understand what I'm tryna say, she'd deflect.

In any event, I keep coming back to how one person can be that oblivious? I will misjudge the odd person from time to time, but everyone??? All the time???

flippin heck...

[seemiyah]

Re: Can one person be that oblivious?

Well you just said you didn't realize the scope of her unpopularity so I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't either. If people are nice to my face how am i to know what they saying about me? I think I can pick up when people just being polite and not really friendly but unless I overhear it or they tell me I wouldn't know how they really feel.

I don't think you can help her but the next time you hear them talking you can say "well maybe if she knew that bothered you/ how you feel/ she can address the issue?" Is there someone in her department who would be willing to talk to her? Does she have a supervisor?

Finally I don't think that is uncommon in workplace, there is always that one person no one cares for.

[SandiF]

Re: Can one person be that oblivious?

The issue is with the people who don't like her...

I have a co-worker/friend who could be put in same vein.. No one in the group liked her. They smiled and greeted her in her face, talked nice and friendly but behind her back... "she is so loud"... "her constant coughing gets on my nerves"...." she has no tact"...

You know what, I was the only one in the group that befriended her genuinely and I love her personality. She is outspoken, gets her points across and is no holds bar character; also a very caring woman. The others in the group were petty and fickle.

[Wendy]

Re: Can one person be that oblivious?

Sandif,

Some people have the "follow the crowd" mentality. They have to "fall behind" the leader. If that person have a problem with her then everybody else in the clique has to fall in line.

I have had persons that I work with that I am not fond of and keep my relationship with them strictly professional. It takes too much energy to act like I really care what you did over the weekend and how wonderful your kids are if I don't care.

On the other hand, I have friends now from past jobs that we still stay close..do movies, cook outs etc and they were not liked by others (for whatever reason). Those people in turn gave me the cold shoulder because I chose to be independent and think for myself. It happens all the time.. especially with a group of women. That "pack" mentality that you mentioned can only be described as childish.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SandiF</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The issue is with the people who don't like her...

I have a co-worker/friend who could be put in same vein.. No one in the group liked her. They smiled and greeted her in her face, talked nice and friendly but behind her back... &quot;she is so loud&quot;... &quot;her constant coughing gets on my nerves&quot;....&quot; she has no tact&quot;...

You know what, I was the only one in the group that befriended her genuinely and I love her personality. She is outspoken, gets her points across and is no holds bar character; also a very caring woman. The others in the group were petty and fickle.
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[Peasie]

Re: Can one person be that oblivious?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: seemiyah</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Well you just said you didn't realize the scope of her unpopularity so I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't either. If people are nice to my face how am i to know what they saying about me? I think I can pick up when people just being polite and not really friendly but unless I overhear it or they tell me I wouldn't know how they really feel.

<span style="font-weight: bold">I don't think you can help her but the next time you hear them talking you can say &quot;well maybe if she knew that bothered you/ how you feel/ she can address the issue?&quot; Is there someone in her department who would be willing to talk to her? Does she have a supervisor?</span></div></div>

[Nunya]

Re: Can one person be that oblivious?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: seemiyah</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Well you just said you didn't realize the scope of her unpopularity so I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't either. If people are nice to my face how am i to know what they saying about me? I think I can pick up when people just being polite and not really friendly but unless I overhear it or they tell me I wouldn't know how they really feel.</div></div>

I know when people like me, when they're just being polite or if they really dislike me. I just know (ok, once in a while I may get it wrong, but not on a scale such as her)

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I don't think you can help her but the next time you hear them talking you can say &quot;well maybe if she knew that bothered you/ how you feel/ she can address the issue?&quot;</div></div>

I have suggested this ad nauseam. Some people have tried talking to her, without telling her that they think she's being unjust, or boorish and or boring. She either deflects or acts really hurt. It seems like a no win.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Is there someone in her department who would be willing to talk to her? Does she have a supervisor?</div></div>

Yes she has a supervisor but he's a dink.

[Nunya]

Re: Can one person be that oblivious?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: WeNdY</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Those people in turn gave me the cold shoulder because I chose to be independent and think for myself. It happens all the time.. especially with a group of women.</div></div>

The male to female ratio here is slightly higher. So most of the people who don't like her are men. <span style="text-decoration: underline">All</span> the folks that came over to 'vent' were men.

[Nunya]

Re: Can one person be that oblivious?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SandiF</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The issue is with the people who don't like her...
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The responsibility doesn't solely rest with them. Sometimes I don't like her myself, cause she knows how to wear the soul out of a last nerve. I just don't understand how she can <span style="font-style: italic">not</span> know how she's being perceived...

[twiney]

Re: Can one person be that oblivious?

Unno stop talk bout the loud mouth bragger in mi office and most ppl (probably 1%) dont talk to her unless it work related.